'WIBTA if I ended my marriage on the day we get back from our honeymoon?' UPDATED

"WIBTA if I ended my marriage on the day we got back from our honey moon?"

Please excuse my spelling and grammar mistakes, I am not in the right state of mind to proofread this. Plus English is my second language and I’m dyslexic. So I struggle with writhing even on my best days. I (F30) got back today from my honeymoon with my husband (M29). We made some friends during the trip, one of which was a lone traveler (27F).

My husband and I thought she was cool and exchanged socials with her. My husband made a couple of comments that let me know he was checking out her stories throughout the trip. He is a lot more into socials than I am, so that didn’t raise any red flags for me. However, I got curious and checked his DMs, we have an open phone policy.

The issue is I found no chat. This is weird because he tagged her in a story which she shared and according to him they exchanged a few “inocente” messages saying nice to have met you. The whole thread was deleted by him and he first tried to gaslight me saying he didn’t erase it. Eventually he admitted to deleting it, but doesn’t admit to it being inappropriate at all.

He claims he got “nervous” and that’s his excuse for deleting. To me this is enough to end it. I have lost all trust because now even if he didn’t do anything I will never know. Plus how many other things has he deleted I don’t know about? Plus if it was so innocent why would he get nervous in the first place.

We got married one month ago, this is so embarrassing but I don’t think I can live with not knowing. I want to end it but I’m scared of my family’s reaction. Am I overthinking this and would I be the ass whole if I all it quits over something like this so soon???

What do you think? WIBTA? This is what top commenters had to say:

NinjaHidingintheOpen said:

NTA but tell him you learned how to retrieve messages. His reaction to this will tell you how much you have to worry about.

Any-Dependent31 said:

He got nervous because his chat wasn't that innocent and he knew you might see it if you went in his phone. You got married a month ago, met this woman on your honeymoon and he's already doing this!? I doubt this is the first time, and it won't be the last. Probably better to cut your losses now than when he inevitably cheats on you.

ThatSlothDuke said:

OP, NTA. Your honeymoon is something that's supposed to be about YOU TWO. If he acts shady during that, then that's who he is. That's who he will be throughout your marriage. Right now you've gotten a rare chance to see how your marriage is going to look like.

Chances are, it's going to be a lot of this - shady behaviour and gaslighting. I think jumping ship now instead of years down the road is the smart thing to do.

She later shared this update:

Hello everyone, idk if this is how I’m supposed to update but here goes nothing. He got screenshots from the girl. I didn’t ask him to, honestly I wanted to keep her out of it because again this is embarrassing and why would I trust someone I thought was talking to a married man. Obviously she could have deleted the compromising messages and sent only screenshots with the clean ones.

But I tested IG and I tried to delete messages on my own chats. I was only able to delete the ones I sent but not the ones I received. Anyways according to the screenshots there was nothing on either part. That does make me feel better but still why would he delete the chat then.

He has been groveling relentlessly, apologizing 1 million times and assuring me nothing happened. He has gotten me flowers, agreed that deleting the chat was a mistake on his part and promised to never do anything like that again. He also apologize for gaslighting me when I first asked why he deleted the chat.

Said he was on the defensive because he knew he had done nothing wrong, but could understand why it looked bad from my perspective. He Tried to take me to my favorite restaurant which I declined and promises to make this up to me. Honestly it’s hard to not believe him despite what some people think, based on my post, I do trust the man and I’m in love with him. Otherwise I wouldn’t have married him.

Because nothing like this has ever happened before I am taking my time to think about it. Thanks to all the people saying blowing up my marriage over something like this shows I’m not ready for marriage. Those comments made me really think about my boundaries.

To me any inappropriate messages with another woman would be divorced worthy, however so far I have no proof and I can’t let him go over just my suspicions. I would never stop thinking about what if he actually didn’t do it. I should also say that during the little time we spent with her I didn’t get any vibes from either. We did have a great honeymoon, technically this issue happened after we got back.

My husband is a great man who treats me amazingly and has never given me any reason to be jealous before. To the people asking why I married a man I don’t trust, deleting chats with another woman is sketchy however way you see it. Not questioning that would be stupid not trustful.

To the people saying I should just talk to him, obviously I did before writing any of this. I just needed advise and don’t want to talk to my friends and family about it. To the ones saying I’m toxic for having the open phone policy, I will never understand why y’all think your phone is more private than your private parts.

If I can see his private bits, I should also be able to see his phone. We live together and do most things together there is no such thing as privacy here. He poops in front of me for god's sake.

I don’t normally go on his phone because I have no reason to, but whenever I need peace of mind (maybe like 5 times in the 4 years we have been together) I feel I have every right to. It was a conversation we had after a dating for a while and we are both OK with it. To each their own