'AITA for ending all contact with my biological family after realizing nothing will ever change with them?'
"AITA for ending all contact with my biological family after realizing nothing will ever change with them?"
DifferentGuest8386
Growing up I (27f) was the middle child in my family with an older brother and younger sister and I was very much the black sheep of the family. My brother was the only boy and cherished and my sister was the favorite of both parents in many ways.
Even my brother can acknowledge this but she's also his favorite so he never cared. My sister disliked me from the time we were young and I was always supposed to deal with that in a way that favored her anyway.
It was very unhealthy and not all of my extended family were like that but the ones who weren't left our lives when I was still young. The rest all saw my sister as an angel and they felt she deserved the world.
She was always the beautiful one and I was told repeatedly I should wish I was more like my sister. When she struggled in school I was supposed to help her and be grateful that I was the one who got to do that. And when she got a good grade it was celebrated while the fact I always got good grades was ignored.
My sister could tell me I looked ugly or hideous in an outfit and nobody in the family would bat an eyelid. A couple of times I asked why she couldn't be nice and I was accused of speaking to her in a harsh manner. I was called petty many times for not celebrating my sister's accomplishments the way everyone else did.
My sister is not special needs, was not, that I'm aware of, born early or ever so sick they almost lost her. She was just the perfect kid in the eyes of the family and my brother being the only boy got the positive attention for that so he never felt slighted.
I always tried to love my family anyway but other things happened that made me feel unwanted and unwelcome. Like when I got married so many complained about my choice of date, choice of venue, choice of dress and the fact I went shopping with my MIL and two SILs, who have been nothing but amazing to me.
I did run the date by immediate family and still got complaints about the chosen wedding date. But my final straw came last week and this is where I need people to tell me if I'm wrong or not. I'm pregnant. We told my ILs early-early because they're so supportive.
I waited for 13 weeks to tell my family and the reaction I got from my sister was that was so unfair, why did I deserve to be a mom when she can't have kids (which I didn't know) and it was so unfair.
My parents asked me why I'd do that to my sister and my brother just rolled his eyes. He doesn't want kids so if my sister has none my kids would be the only grandkids my parents get. But apparently having grandkids from me was never going to be a good thing.
My sister deserves to give them grandkids instead. My sister told me she hopes I miscarry and that she can have babies instead. And my family acted like that was fine.
My husband was so done long before this but it was the final straw for me because I don't want my children growing up being treated like garbage or for anyone to think my sister should get all my kids. I told my family I was done being mistreated for not being special enough in their eyes and I was going to enjoy the family who wanted me.
My parents figured I'd apologize and be in contact soon after but I didn't reach out and now they're DMing me and texting me saying I can't deny them their grandkids and I should be making things up to my sister. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
105bydesign
They can kick rocks with a broken foot.
brianahuerta8
NTA Do not allow them around your kids because if your sister could have kids they would not give a damn about yours. They’re only reaching out because you’re their only hope.
Gagin1967a1
Exactly, and they should know that OP isn't denying them grandkids. They denied themselves when they treated OP like she didn’t matter. I hope OP understands that her peace and protecting her baby is what is important in her life. NTA.
ThrowawayMonthAway
NTA. Block them and go no-contact. If they physically show up, give them a warning and then call cops. They will emotionally abuse your kids without a second thought.
Vegetable-Cod-2340
NTA. OP, I’d message them back that there will no apology to someone that wished you a miscarriage, and that people that were okay with her saying that don’t get to be grandparents.
Seensess1a
NTA. You’ve been mistreated for too long, and it's totally valid to cut contact when you're being treated this way, especially when they don't respect you or your boundaries.
FryOneFatManic
NTA. They are. Your sister might, just might, be prettier on the outside, but is ugly on the inside. And the rest if your family sucks.
StructureKey2739
Even though your POS bio family thinks your children would be less than any 'higher form of life" your sister would spawn, I'm surprised that they didn't demand that you hand over your baby to your sister.
I read this occasionally on reddit and I believe it since people are actually this awful. I would just go NC with bio family. Seems they add nothing but unhappiness to your life. For sure they will treat your child like they treated you.
Forsaken-Photo4881
Girl, no matter how hard you try it will never be good enough to earn their love. Been there done that. The greatest piece of my life was the day I walked away when they told me they wanted all good things for me or nothing at all. They take our voice.
They’re allowed to treat us however they want and we’re not allowed to say anything about it. Just because their family doesn’t mean that they should be in your life when they’re so unhealthy for your mental health. Good luck with your baby and I’m so glad you have amazing in-laws.
DifferentGuest8386 (OP)
I've learned that and more than anything I don't want my future kids to grow up like I did. Or to have them loved but then dumped if my sister did have kids herself. So much risk to my kids and I don't want it for them. They could be hated for simply being mine instead of hers and I won't allow them to grow up with the same issues I have.