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'AITA for ending a date immediately upon finding out that she was a single mom?'

'AITA for ending a date immediately upon finding out that she was a single mom?'


"AITA for ending a date immediately upon finding out that my date was a single mom?"

I, 37M, tend to travel out of state fairly often for my business. There's four cities that I go to fairly consistently throughout the year. On my second to last trip, an employee of mine offered to set me up on a date with a friend of hers because she knows my wife and I are polyamorous...

...and that my visits tend to last a few weeks when they happen which tends to get somewhat lonely. After a little bit of hesitation and convincing by my friend, I agreed.

She sent me her friend's number. Her friend, Emily (35) for the purpose of the post, and I started texting back and forth a little bit as a precursor to my next visit. I was upfront about being married and being polyamourous. She was okay with that barring she could confirm with my wife.

My employee did a 3 way call with Emily and my wife and my wife confirmed. After that, when we started texting again, I clarified my two big requirements- Must be okay with Poly, and be child free. Emily said that was reasonable, so we then traded some non-risqué pictures to ensure we both knew what the other looked like. Emily was breathtakingly gorgeous.

As my next visit came closer, I offered to take Emily out on date. She accepted and we continued to text back and forth in the meantime. Since our texting was fairly sporadic I opted to take Emily out to a nice restaurant so we could get to know each other a little better and have a nice meal at the same time.

On the day of, we met at the restaurant and my breath really was taken away at the sight of her. Her pictures didn't do her justice. As we got to talking, things were going fairly smoothly. The conversation was flowing well, there definitely seemed to be chemistry, and we were able to go between joking and being serious in our conversation. There was no awkwardness at all. Until...

I asked her what her typical weekend looks like, and she revealed that she spends a lot of it with her kids. She had not mentioned having kids up until this point at all. I was caught off guard and told her that while I dont have anything against her, I do not date single moms after some previous experiences.

I also said I'd like to end the date there since I didn't want to give any wrong impression. I called for the waiter to get the check. She asked why and I told her it's just my personal preference and that I don't really want to get into it. She didn't push and accepted that I wanted to call it an evening there. I paid for everything, bid her a great rest of the evening and left.

About an hour later I got some nasty messages from Emily accusing me of being a misogynist, and hating single mothers, not understanding the struggles of dating as a single mom, and how life is so difficult for a single moms and how there's no good guys left.

After the first four messages I stopped reading and opted to just block Emily because I didn't want my evening ruined any further than it already was. A short bit after, my wife said Emily had been texting her the same nasty stuff Emily texted me. I told my wife to just block her.

Upon my return to my home, I was chatting with a few friends about this experience. Some of them said I was a major AH for ending the date immediately upon finding out she's a single mother and for my preference of not dating single moms.

I showed them the messages that Emily had sent and told them that protecting my peace from this kind of stuff is exactly why I don't date single moms at all. Some accepted my reasoning L, others persistent that I was still a major AH.

One suggested I come here to try to get a gauge from a greater populace than my own friend circle. So, AITA for ending the date with someone as soon as I found out she's a single mom?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

FirstTimeTexter_ said:

Not the point of the post (which you're NTA for) but so weird that your employee is getting involved in your polyamory in any way imho.

LooovelessOF said:

NTA. You were upfront about your polyamory and your wife confirmed. It's okay to have dating preferences, including not wanting to date single parents. You ended the date politely. Her reaction was way over the line.


NTA. This follows exactly what I said on another post either in this sub or the other similar. The information could have come up BEFORE the date and OP wouldn’t have met up. They found out ON THE FIRST DATE and because they aren’t interested in that situation, bowed out. Good on them. Def NTA.

asya_bunny_18 said:

NTA. You have every right to set personal boundaries and preferences in your dating life. You were clear about your criteria from the start, and when you discovered that Emily didn't meet them, you chose to end the date politely.

It's important to stay true to what you're looking for, and it's better to end things early rather than potentially creating more issues down the line.

DontBeAsi9 said:

NTA. You clarified your requirements before the dinner, one of which was her being child-free, and she never spoke up. And anyone that goes full notion rant after a first date ends early due to incompatibility is a huge red flag. Full on riptide chic. Next time you are setup by a friend, clarify with them the kids thing, too. Make sure everyone knows your limits.

Perfect_Calendar9847 said:

NTA. You told her that your two requirements were “must be okay with Poly, and be child free.” That was when she should have mentioned her kid. But she didn’t. She lied.

By omission or not she still knew your requirements and preference and didn’t say anything. You’re under no obligation to waste any more of your time. I think your friend sucks too for setting you up with someone that had a kid in the first place.

WomanInQuestion said:

NTA - it’s okay to have preferences like that, especially given your specific circumstances. But putting that aside, this girl decided to start your interactions with a blatant lie about something easily disproven. If she’s willing to lie about that to get what she wants, what else is she willing to lie about? Not worth the drama.

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