'AITA for ending my friendship with best friend of 25 years because of what she did during my wedding?'
"AITA for ending my friendship with best friend of 25 years because of what she did during my wedding?"
PurpleWonder123
AITAH for ending my friendship with best friend of 25 years because of what she did during my wedding? Strap in for a long one. I, 33(f) wed my husband, 32(m) 3 years ago. We had been dating prior to our wedding for 8 years.
When I met my husband (Sam), my best friend, let’s call her Laura 32(f), advised me not to exclusively date him as I should keep my options open. I remember how baffled I was at this because I had never dated multiple men at a time and would exclusively date and remain in serious relations with my exes.
Fast forward to 2021, we planned a wedding during Covid as we felt financially ready to do so. Laura had known for years that Sam and I were planning to get married but kept facing hardships throughout our relationship (father passed away, his mother had a stroke, etc.)
My husband is the majority bread winner in his family consisting of 4 other people. A minor detail is that we are south Asian so in our culture, sons live together. So I was joining a family of 5.
Due to Covid, I was able to tremendously financially save for the wedding events and so was he. He proposed to me in April 2021 and by May we were religiously married.
At that time, my friend and I were on good terms. We had fallouts through the years because of her controlling behavior but we decided that staying friends was more important. Laura and I went to the same elementary school, junior high school, high school and college in NYC.
We were inseparable and everyone knew that. Laura was my bridesmaid. I planned a henna ceremony and reception in September 2021. From May to September, I noticed that Laura’s behavior was starting to change and we stopped communicating much.
I was busy with wedding planning so I didn’t give it much mind. I had personally given her and her family an invitation card to my upcoming events and had asked her to constantly RSVP so I knew how many of her family members were coming (about 7 of them).
She didn’t RSVP until two days before my reception. When I told her to rsvp to the henna ceremony she claimed that I never told her about the event and would not be able to come.
I screenshotted a conversation I had in a group chat with her and my other best friend proving I had told her and she had read the text. She said she must’ve forgotten.
I sent her a link to a dress I wanted all bridesmaids to wear and she replied back saying if she had asked anyone at her wedding to pay for outfits, they’d be furious at her. I told her that paying for 6 other bridesmaids dresses wasn’t in my budget. Guys, the outfits were $34 on Amazon. She ended up coming to the ceremony.
During this time, we had gotten into an argument where she said I was being very selfish and not taking into consideration that I was having everyone in the bridal party incur a lot of expenses.
She said she had to buy two new outfits and then on top of that, expect wedding gifts. This was my best friend, complaining that she’d have to get me a gift for the wedding! I told her it wasn’t necessary, I wanted her there and all I wanted was for the all the girls to pick whatever outfit they wanted but for it to be lavender.
After that, she complained that I hadn’t included her on any wedding shopping. In our culture (we’re Bengali) the friends usually accompany in shopping but because it was Covid, we only took my parents, his parents and brother.
We weren’t even able to include my sister because she had a 10 month old and lived in Queens, NY where my parents and I lived in Manhattan and were traveling to NJ for bridal outfits.
If it wasn’t possible to bring my sister due to where she lived, it didn’t make sense to pick up Laura from Astoria. In addition, everything we did was very fast. I knew what designs I wanted and got a custom bridal outfit.
For gold shopping (also customary in our culture) we went two days before the wedding conveniently scheduled the same day as our food tasting in Queens. I knew exactly what I wanted so there wasn’t much time spent shopping.
For everything else, my mom and dad drove me to stores during which we shopped while my mom was grocery shopping. I didn’t make a fuss for anything in my wedding, all I asked were for the bridesmaids to show up.
My husband planned everything in our wedding - I barely did anything besides choose color schemes and pay my half lol. I never got a bridal shower because she said to my face that she didn’t want to plan one.
Guys, I’m so devastated that I will never experience a bridal shower. When I showed her my gold design, she said it’s nice but if I had seen the one her dad bought her? I wasn’t aware that this was a competition.
For her wedding (she’s divorced now btw), her father paid for the wedding, gold, etc. I was single handily paying my portion for all 3 events Sam and I planned. We spent over $100,000 on our events as we had dreamt so many years of what we wanted.
The day before my wedding, she told Sam that she didn’t have a ride and if he could drop her to the wedding. He was shocked as it made no sense that she’d ask the groom on his most important day.
I offered her a spot in my limo in case she didn’t have a ride, but she didn’t accept the offer. The wedding was beautiful and everyone had a great time. The day after the wedding, I venmoed my bridesmaids about $15-$20.
In the Bengali culture, the brides side holds a gate and demands the grooms pays up if he wants to enter and wed the bride. It’s a cute ceremony and just there for fun and games.
I told Sam to have an envelope with $100 in singles (it’s customary to have $500+) but as I didn’t have any younger cousins and the only people holding the gate would be my friends who were all my age. Split into 6-7 ways, it was just a small amount of money.
Once again, it was a small fun event. When I venmoed her, she sent it back to me and texted me saying she didn’t want it. I told her it was just for fun but she started to get angry and berate me saying she didn’t need money and to keep that sht.
I once again sent it to her saying it wasn’t my money to have and it was for my bridesmaids. At last she said “it’s not rocket science, I don’t want that sht”. So guys, am I the AH?"
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
updownwardspiral
This is your BEST FRIEND? WOW! I'm thinking that she's just jealous of your relationship so she's acting like a child. I'd go low to no contact.
bobbiedoll420
I was also thinking that, your "friend" probably wants your man, with what she said about playing the field, not even doing the bare minimum for you as a MOH and then asking ONLY the hubby for a ride to the wedding... Keep this woman away from you, she is not your friend.
PurpleWonder123 (OP)
Thanks!! We don’t talk much since the wedding except for social events since we have so many mutual friends. Recently we went to our High School reunion and our other friends wedding is next month so unfortunately I can’t avoid her much. But yes to low contact.
GodsWarrior89
I think she was crushing on your husband. Cut her out of your life!
dncrmom
NTA to be upset with her about everything however you had other bridesmaids & a sister who could have planned your bridal shower. It doesn’t seem like you communicated what you wanted if you are “so devastated” about not having a shower. Many people missed major milestone events during that time and were unable to even have graduations & funeral gatherings. That part is not your friend’s fault.