'AITA for considering ending my marriage after less than a year?'
"AITA for considering ending my marriage after less than a year?"
xxxtentacion482
I've been married to my partner for less than a year, and I'm currently contemplating whether I should stay in this marriage. Here’s what’s been happening: Recently, a close family member of mine had to undergo what was supposed to be a low-risk surgery. Unfortunately, due to complications caused by the doctor’s negligence, an additional surgery was required.
During this time, my spouse and I had plans to celebrate an important milestone in our relationship. However, the date fell right in the middle of this health scare with my family, so I canceled our plans and suggested we reschedule once things calmed down.
When I brought this up, my spouse became extremely upset, accusing me of not caring about them and only prioritizing my family. This led to a massive argument, and they even threatened to harm themselves if I didn’t put them first.
Things got worse. My spouse told both their family and mine that they were feeling unwell, which prompted me to make a long trip to be with them. But when I arrived, I found out they had been out with friends the night before and seemed perfectly fine when I was there.
It felt like they manipulated the situation to pull me away from my family during a critical time. Additionally, my spouse isn’t contributing much to the household chores, leaving the majority of the work to me. They’ve also threatened to harm themselves or stop eating if things don’t go their way.
Financially, we split our expenses equally, but they control how I spend my money, especially when it comes to supporting my family, which was something I made clear was important to me before we got married. Despite this, they criticize me for providing financial support to my family.
I feel like I’m stuck in a toxic situation where I’m being emotionally manipulated, and I’m seriously considering leaving. I’d appreciate hearing perspectives, especially from those who have been in similar situations. Am I the asshole for thinking about ending this marriage?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
DirtyDBeMe
NTA. This is absolutely toxic. Get out while you still can. The old “I’ll end myself if you don’t do what I say” line is a massive red flag. It will only get worse over time and they will only become more controlling. Be thankful you found out so early and might be able to salvage the rest of your life.
deepsleepsheepmeep
And, if they threaten self harm again when you break up, call the police or emergency services to get psychiatric help for them. Yes, you should divorce. Things will not get better for you until you are extracted from this toxic relationship.
CollectionMost1197
When I left my ex he used to call me almost daily and say he was going to end himself. I called the cops once for a wellness check and he never called me and said that crap again.
Proud_Fee_1542
I remember a teacher at school once telling us, and it’s always stuck with me - ‘the first time someone threatens to hurt themselves to get you to do something, that’s when you get out.
If you stay, they will always make that threat every time they don’t get their way. You need to leave and don’t think about what they’ll do because no matter what happens from that point, it’s not your fault’.
This person has threatened to hurt themselves multiple times now to get their way, pulled you away from your family during a critical time and manipulates you. NTA for wanting out. If I was you I would:
1. Act like nothing is wrong for now. 2. Go see a solicitor to get the papers drawn up. 3. When the papers are ready to give to your partner, pack your things when they’re not at home (and have someone with you in case they get home early). 4. Then give them the papers (again, make sure there’s someone with you so there is a witness to how they react).
No-Mechanic-3048
Also adding lock your credit down! And then don’t block them but mute them wants they leave so you have evidence!
LVPapologist
NTA: You're being abused. "They’ve also threatened to harm themselves or stop eating if things don’t go their way." This is capital-A abuse. Good luck.
FugaziRules
How did you even get married to this person? They seem awful to you. Get out and let them ruin someone else’s life.
stella_blonddd
It’s completely reasonable to prioritize your family during an emergency, and it sounds like your spouse isn’t supportive of your needs in this situation. Marriage should be a partnership where both partners’ concerns are valued.
If your spouse can’t understand why you need to be there for your parents, it’s a serious issue that might need addressing before making any decisions. It's important for both partners to be on the same page about family priorities and support.
Sofa_Queen
NTA. NO MORE S3X WITH THEM SO YOU DON'T GET BABY TRAPPED. So many red flags here. Run. When they threaten self harm, call authorities or a well check. Quit falling for the manipulation.
Run. Get your stuff, take half the money from your accounts, and go back to your parents. File for divorce, get counseling to figure out why you fell for the manipulations, and go live a happy life. Good luck!