Engaged couple bans BOTH moms from free luxury vacation, 'I feel SO guilty.' AITA?
"AITA for telling our moms they can’t join our vacation?"
My fiancé and I are getting married in August. We are in the thick of wedding planning and stressed AF. He travels for work and has acquired 3 free nights at any Hilton property. We booked the Waldorf Astoria in Cabo.
Because he is a diamond member, we were upgraded to a massive 2 bedroom villa (over 2500 sq feet). All for free. My dad is a FA and so we get very cheap flights there. Basically, the entire vacation will only cost us about $500.
Anyway, both of our moms have asked to join. They are 60 and 70, one divorced, one widowed. We are very close with both of them and like each other’s moms well enough. But ALL THEY DO is talk about wedding planning, and them joining would obviously change the dynamic of the trip. We want to be able to be intimate, swim naked, do whatever we want, and it’ll be different with our moms there.
Anyway, I know I shouldn’t feel bad, but I do. I feel like we are getting this opportunity of a lifetime that they’ve never had and that we owe it to them to allow them to join. I also think having them there could be fun, in a different way. They’d have their own bedroom and could do their own thing.
But my fiancé really doesn’t want them joining and doesn’t want to hear about wedding stuff all vacation.Our moms have brought up a few times how they are so jealous and we are so lucky and they wish they could join, and we sorta just laugh it off. But I feel so guilty, clearly since I’m asking here. Very curious to hear other’s thoughts. Are my fiancé and I aholes for saying no?
MINI UPDATE:
This is NOT our honeymoon. We are going to Cabo this week. It’s just a random vacation to use up free Hilton nights that will be expiring soon. We will still have a proper honeymoon after our wedding.
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
EmceeSuzy said:
You are NTA for saying No but how did your mothers come to know about this trip? How did they come to know that you would have a large accommodation? You have to learn to keep your business to yourselves.
Discount_Mithral said:
NTA. Stop phrasing this like a vacation and start calling it a pre-honeymoon. Tell them that while you love them both dearly, and would love to plan a proper vacation that can accommodate everyone, this trip is going to be a pre-honeymoon and you two intend to do what newly married people do.
One-PhotographyZ-120 said:
NTA. Just keep laughing it off and mentioning how awkward it would be to have them along on your private romantic getaway.
Reuk- said:
NTA, just tell your Moms you and your fiance just need this time alone, and to destress. You can always go on another vacation with them next year. But for this one, it’s just the two of you.
You still might hear them say how lucky you are, and they wish they could go on a vacation like that. Because you are and who wouldn’t like to, but that doesn’t mean they have to be invited. Just try to ignore they and even say, it would be great, but unfortunately not this trip.
Carrie_Oakie said:
NTA - you should be able to share exciting plans without an expectation to include others. Tell them this is intended to be a romantic getaway for you and your SO to disconnect from all the stress of wedding planning and be together, focused on each others needs.
If they don’t get the hint then, start with firmness. “This is a romantic trip for the two of us.” “I don’t think it’s appropriate for our moms to share a suite with us on a romantic getaway.” “I find it odd that you’d want to spend romantic time with us.”
cbm984 said:
NTA. The next time they hint that you should invite them by saying how jealous they are and wish they could come, just say, "Yeah, we know we're so lucky to have this opportunity since we probably won't get another like it. It's a wonderful chance for fiancé and me to spend some much needed quality time together before the big day.
With all the stress of planning the wedding, we're looking forward to having this break together to just relax and not think about it." And if they keep hinting after that, just say, "We'll definitely miss you, but we'll bring you back something fun!". Hopefully that will get the point across.