GF of 4 years rejects proposal because she "wants more time;" BF kicks her out. AITA?
"My (27M) girlfriend (26F) of 4 years rejected my proposal because she wanted more time. AITA for breaking up with her and kicking her out of my apartment?"
sadanddevastated
I was in a relationship with my girlfriend for 4 years. We really loved each other, my family loved her, her family loved me. We had discussions of marriage, we made plans for the future, how many kids we wanted.
My girlfriend was always extremely excited about it. Over the last few months, I was giving her consistent hints that I was going to propose to her, and last weekend I booked a nice resort, where I would plan to propose to her at a private place.
Well when I did propose to her, she somehow seemed shocked about it, and asked if she could have a few more months. That just completely stunned me and was one of the most heartbreaking moments of my life. My girlfriend kept apologizing, saying she just needed to be in the right mental space, and that right then, she wasn’t.
She cried and promised me that we were technically engaged, she just needed a few more months to officially accept the proposal. I felt empty, sad, embarrassed. I felt horrible. When we returned back to our apartment, she was apologizing a lot, and there was also a lot of crying.
The whole situation for me was so heartbreaking and embarrassing, that I could not talk about it with any of my friends or even my parents. I could only consult my siblings.
My siblings had completely contrasting opinions. My brother told me maybe she got cold feet, and a lot of people get cold feet, and to just give her time because she seemed like a genuine person.
However, my sister told me what my girlfriend did was girl code for cheating and that my girlfriend was probably ashamed about accepting about my proposal, given that she most likely was having an affair.
My sister told me that my girlfriend would probably call off the affair in the next couple of months, after which she would be comfortable accepting the proposal.
Completely contrasting opinions, but I sided with my sister because my brother gets a bit naive at times. The more I thought about, the more what my sister said made logical sense, and that just shattered my heart even more.
So a couple of days ago, after my girlfriend came home from work, I told her we were done and that she had a couple of hours to pack up and leave. I gave her no heads up about it. I gave no reasons.
She was shocked and talking a lot, asking why, but at this point, I just didn’t trust her anymore. She obviously cried but I was over it. A couple hours later, her friend came to pick her up, and I blocked her number so I didn’t get any more texts. I am still suffering a lot, and it will take a lot of time to heal through this. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP:
Far_Prior1058
You would not be the A-hole if you just broke up with her cause she said no. I can understand that. But you have no proof that she was cheating. Also, you gave her no time to find other accommodations. You could have told her you need to be out at the end of the week or whatever and gone and stayed with a friend or something.
trinitygoboom
Exactly. He put her on the streets so quickly over his sister's catty paranoia talk. Maybe ex already knows how tenuous OPs love for her was. Seems she was smart to think on it.
shamanwest
His sister the one doing all the cheating. People make shit like that up to cover their own guilt and make it like "everyone does it. We even have a code."
sunshiinebb
Could you give examples of the hints you gave? Typically with marriage people have a direct talk to each other explicitly stating that they want to be married and propose and what does each partner think.
It isn’t a talk where you generally discuss marriage and the future, it’s very explicitly “I’m currently ready for marriage and thinking about proposing to you soon, what do you think?” Did you have this talk with her and again what hints did you do?
Complete_Web_962
This. All of this. This is how a proposal should be - it’s not like how they portray it in movies🥴
abstractengineer2000
Communication should be explicit. this is a life changing decision. It cannot be decided on the spur of a moment. "what my girlfriend did was girl code for cheating" without any evidence is probably girl code for "i am jealous".
The brother was more likely to be right. So without evidence, without probable cause, you don't trust the girlfriend of 4 years to whom you proposed, who you loved, whose families loved each other and you ejected her in a day, is moronic stupidity.
Also you come here to vindicate your unjust decision after you have taken action, YTA. OP, You deserve what you got.
Key_Rate2091
I have NEVER heard of that being girl code for cheating. Maybe is just your sister's code for cheating. I would def try to discuss the reasons for her uncertainty with her?
anon474728
Eh. You can break up for whatever reason you want. Her rejecting your proposal is a valid one if that’s what you want. At the same time. You assuming she’s cheating off that is absurd. And I would have personally given her a little while to consider.
EightEyedCryptid
"However, my sister told me what my girlfriend did was girl code for cheating and that my girlfriend was probably ashamed about accepting about my proposal, given that she most likely was having an affair." This is absolutely insane and I can't believe you just bought it whole. You ended a relationship over this? Wtf man.