'AITA if I wear my engagement ring to Christmas dinner just to spite my SIL?'

"WIBTA if I wore my engagement ring to Christmas dinner just to spite my SIL?"

This year, my MIL is inviting his entire side of the family to a dinner on Christmas day. It should be around 20 people without our family of 5 joining. Let me start by saying I do NOT want to attend.

Leo (my partner) and I are on shaky ground with a couple relatives due to past boundaries being crossed, plus we have a newborn (3MOM* - 3 month old male) who is fragile due to being born premature, so we were going to sit this one out. An option his mother avidly denies as a possibility.

Another big issue (as you can probably guess form the title) is his sister, who will definitely be in attendance. She has a growing list of offenses, that his mother continually makes excuses for or completely overlooks. Some of those bigger offences (in chronological order) are:

1.) Giving me the cold shoulder/silent treatment at every family event ever since Leo and I started dating. No one knows why this started and she refuses to give any reason.

2.) Organizing an intervention when I got pregnant with my and Leo's first child. She insisted I had either lied about my very real fertility issues in some ploy to trap my partner into a relationship OR that I had cheated on him and was making him my fall back.

For the record, she never apologized or explained why she did this and when I brought it up to his mom she insisted that 'it's just so common nowadays' or 'she was just looking out for her brother'. It was around then I discovered that his mother was the co-host to her intervention, but my MIL is a whole other cup of tea.

3.) Loudly declaring at a family gathering that my first son, who is non-verbal, is autistic and that Leo and I weren't seeing to his needs. For reference, he has been tested multiple times and does not meet criteria for autism, but we would be fully supportive if he ever is diagnosed.

The accusation didn't bother me, I explained calmly that we are working with multiple doctors and going to speech therapy to support his speech delay, but she just scoffed and said that wasn't enough.

4.) After finally witnessing it himself, Leo stood up to her about how she treats me and our children - without cause or provocation. She played the victim, insulted me and insisting that I was misinterpreting her and that she's just warming up to me in her own way.

We've been together 8 years. He told her we would go low contact with her until she apologized for her behaviour and agreed to treat us and our children with more respect and love.

Last weekend, at dinner with my MIL, Kelly was on the phone as we walked in. Leo's mother insisted he tall to her 'just to say hi' and 'start the healing'. She took that chance with him on the phone to only talk about herself - specifically about how big her engagement ring that her and her partner were crafting together. It made Leo see red.

A bit more context may be needed here. Kelly has a tattoo that she got as a young women - a sun with 5 points - because she apparently was always talking about how she wanted to mother 5 children one day.

When Leo and I had children first, her demeanor became even icier than when we were dating. She even said to him once that she doesn't care about our children as much as her friend's kids. That comment hurt Leo greatly.

Leo and I aren't married, we wanted to wait until after we bought a home together. We aren't even engaged - technically. He has the ring, an heirloom ring my father gifted to us for when we're ready to take our first step.

I've never been allowed to see it, but Leo told me it's a stunning 24K gold band with vines of diamonds and a decently sized middle gem. I accepted his 'joke' proposal with a ring pop after the first 4 years. He knows I hate expensive and extravagant things, but my family ring is the one exception.

So, here's where I may be the AH. Leo made the comment that he could just propose officially on my birthday (before Christmas) and have me wear the ring to the dinner to surprise everyone.

I feel like he meant it as a joke at the time... but he seems to really want to go through with it. I admit, being 'happy petty' instead of my usual people pleasing self has got me feeling both guilty and a bit thrilled.

Thing is, his mother has seen the ring already and knows an official proposal isn't far away so Leo feels it wouldn't be much of a shock to anyone. Aside from Kelly. It would be a big shock to Kelly. He feels she's trying to one up him - as she often does - and that she feels threatened and jealous that we've just had our third child.

Help me. Should I attend the dinner with or without the ring? Or should I stay home and protect what little peace I'm afforded?

This is what people had to say to OP:

Necessary-Stay8712 said:

Or... dont go but post all over socials/family chat a pic if the ring on Christmas eve so that the whole family will be talking about it on Christmas day

i_GoTtA_gOoD_bRaIn said:

Go! Do it!!! She probably only got engaged to 'beat' her brother. Maybe she will let that poor sucker (her fiancé) off the hook.

I bet she is going to have some wedding date shenanigans. Maybe she will schedule her wedding a month before yours so less people show up at yours. She sounds insane.

Specialist_Wind_6488 said:

NTA but I agree with the comment of post it on social media or family group chat. Your SIL might be the golden child if MIL excuses her behavior. I would suggest not going to protect your infant. I don’t understand why people feel they have the right to manhandle babies. I suspect her problem with you is that you are a catch and she is jealous.

DifficultOwl9000 said:

Please do it and report back ……… we want to hear EVERYTHING. Oh and congrats in advance. 💜

EponymousRocks said:

Your very real concerns about your baby’s health have just evaporated then?

This revenge proposal takes you right down to her level. Please don’t do that. Stay home, protect your family and your peace, and stop fantasizing about one-upping her.

OP added this edit in response to comments:

I've seen some people talking about how I could be worried about my little baby one moment and wanting to be petty the next:

So you all know, IF I go it not would NOT mean the baby would go. It would be a kill em' with kindness hello and goodbye - less than 30 minutes so I can drop the gifts off (and potentially show off the ring), but I would definitely not stay for the dinner. In the meantime the baby would be home safe with my sister. Please all know that his health comes first in my mind always.