Reddit's popular 'Am I The As*hole' forum is a perfect place to get answers to the burning moral questions about petty interactions. It's also a delicious buffet of oblivious people who are in serious need of a rude awakening.
Here are five people who really thought they had a case for not being an as*hole:
Ok just some context so this makes sense: I’m a kleptomaniac. I’ve been in trouble with the police before because of it about a year ago, and my aunt was really ashamed of that as I was stealing things from her and that’s how I got caught. Nothing really happened past the police visit though which is why she’s still cautious.
So, me (17M) and my siblings (11 and 13 F) weren’t allowed at our aunt’s (32F) wedding as it was a kids free wedding and I’m still 17. But then I found out my cousin, who is 16, was there so I asked my mum about it and she ended up telling me the truth why I wasn’t allowed, which is for my stealing. (My younger siblings still weren’t allowed but the wedding was +15).
She said she didn’t want to run the risk of anything kicking off, especially since she had her wedding in a fancy venue. Which is understandable I just don’t see why she would lie to me about it which is what I’m upset about. I told my mum I was upset about this, which will be relevant soon.
She was having a small family party the day after but I was still mad at her lying so I said to my mum that I wasn’t gonna go, since that’s how I felt about her lying. She didn’t force me, and her and my siblings went instead and I thought that would be the end of it. But nope, got a call from my aunt while she was very drunk asking me where I was.
She said she missed me and that I shouldn’t care about the wedding because it didn’t matter anyway (I assume my mum told her). She also said that it was for my own good that I wasn’t invited to the wedding, but I told her that it’s for her own good that I wasn’t there. She hung up on me for that and then the next day, which is today, my mum has been giving me silent treatment so I think I definitely went too far.
AITA? I wouldn’t be mad if she didn’t lie because I know my issue is a problem, and it especially has been in the past for her, but I don’t see why she can’t just be honest with me. We’ve talked about kleptomania before so it’s not exactly taboo.
YTA (You're the as*hole) Sorry but I think you’re going to have a hard time trying to hold the moral high ground here. Your aunt lied in an attempt to save your feelings. She was put in that situation because you stole from her and she was scared you’d do it again. My mind reels at the ways a kleptomaniac could/would get into a mountain of trouble at a wedding.
Purses, jewelry, gifts, silver, etc etc etc. What if you’d stolen from someone not family? What if you went to far? Your aunt was protecting you and herself and every other guest she invited. Imagine her guilt and feeling of responsibility if you had stolen from someone else. Your aunt loves you and has forgiven you. However, forgiven doesn’t mean forgotten.
And Different-Peak-8821 agrees:
OP (Original poster) should really be seeking therapy to help with the kleptomania, its not any excuse for the stealing, OP is using it as a reason to not take responsibility for his actions, and from the tone of the post had not even apologised for the thefts. OP, YTA.
I have been dating Mia and she’s my world. Mia has OCD and likes to eat off matching plates and cutlery. She finds patterns to distracting and it upsets her. My sister hosts Thanksgiving and has a bunch of different theme plates. None that match well. I told her I want bring Mia but I was wondering if she could use different plates or even paper plates of one color.
My sister's personality trait is to be that quirky vintage thrift girl and her husband is kind of a hipster douche. I told them on how to make my girlfriend feel welcome in the family and that having paper plates isn’t that big of a deal or cheap white plates.
The argument was heated and it got to Christmas and my mom who hosts Christmas said she’s not giving up her Christmas plates either. It came down I know my girlfriend’s anxieties and OCD would be triggered in this noisy chaos that our holidays are.
I told my mom and sister that I would spend Thanksgiving and Christmas with my girlfriend and both said that’s best. I was upset by their response to not making her feel welcome. I didn’t think asking for paper plates was that big of a deal and I know many people that do that on the holidays.
They make accommodations for vegetarians in my family and even put the dishes on a vegetarian table. I don't see how it's different. My girlfriend has a legit medical OCD and trying to get help. They should be understanding and try not to overwhelm her.
YTA (You're the as*hole). Your girlfriend has to find a way to cope if she wants to be invited to family things. Not everyone can cater to her every need.
Why can’t she bring her OWN set of matching stuff if it bothers her to that degree? Personally I’d bring my own set of matching ones to avoid discomfort if it bothered me like that.
It sounds like EVERYONE'S stuff needs to match, not just hers, because OP wants them to buy a bunch for the dinner or have everyone use paper plates
Sad-Captain-7815 points out:
I would like to say nowhere in there does it ever say that his girlfriend asked for this. This is him doing this. So saying if THEY want to do that stuff THEY should pay for it isn't really relevant to this post because she was really not involved in the request. At least according to the post. It's completely possible that she would be totally embarrassed to know that he even asked this.
Earlier this year I gifted my girlfriend (33F) tickets to a concert that she really wanted to go to that was this past Friday night. I'm (36M) not a fan of her music, nor the fact that this concert was in the city, but I wanted to make it a great gift. She was elated when I told her that I bought the VIP package (meet and greet, pictures with the band, etc.).
Last week my girlfriend began asking if we had to get to the venue early. Being the thorough, detailed person that she is, I assured her I would check. Instead, I was too busy with work. Honestly it was getting a bit annoying that almost every few days she would ask, so I told her I didn't see anything while deleting a bunch of emails from the venue for concerts I don't even care about.
On Friday afternoon, she told me that she had tried looking things up and was only finding that the doors opened at 7. With that, I picked her up at 6 and arrived at the venue for 7. Once inside, she showed security our tickets and asked about for the meet and greet. The bouncer informed us that the VIP was at 6:00.
I froze, now my girlfriend turns to me asking if I received any kind of emails (the tickets were in my name). I told her that I deleted emails and she seemed to understand. I actually really enjoyed the whole time, so once her band's set ended, we decided to not stay for the last band. And this is where the trouble began.
It's 10PM, we're outside of the venue, and she suggests we go to a bar a block away and either walk or rideshare. Immediately I said there was not a chance. She mentioned that my car was in a secured lot and we wouldn't be far, but I lost my cool, which I admit was NOT the best way to go about things, and told her, 'You don't go out in the city. There is crime all over the place!'
She responded that we were in the city. I went off how I can't stand it here, so she said that we'll just leave. No raising of her voice, she just said she was fine with leaving.
She was silent on the way back and I suggest that we go back to my place to finish out the night and she refused. This also pissed me off because I asked what was wrong with the bar next to my apartment and she shut that down with her short responses.
Overall, the night cost me over $300, and while she is saying more to me now as opposed to Friday night, she is being very distant. She told me she could live with not going to the meet and greet except for how things turned out afterwards and that is when the disappointment truly set in.
My response was that I was only bringing her to the concert, nowhere else, and thinking of her safety. She continued that I shouldn't have bought the tickets if I was only 'tolerating doing so'. I do accept that I made some mistakes, chiefly with making us miss the meet and greet. The timing of the concert should have made this an unforgettable experience since her grandmother just died. Am I the asshole?
YTA (You're the as*hole). You deliberately deleted emails despite knowing she wanted to be sure of the details because you found it annoying that she asked. As a result she missed what was almost certainly the main part of the gift for her (the chance to meet the artist - which was also the point of buying the VIP package so you wasted your money too).
Then you patronisingly told her that there wasn't a chance you'd do something else, when she was trying to salvage some measure of specialness out of her ruined night.
You made an ignorant and bigoted generalisation that cities are full of crime, acted like a petulant child when she didn't want to go to the bar near your apartment - which isn't exactly a special or memorable thing to do if you go there all the time - and finally you misrepresented the whole thing as being about you not being sufficiently enthusiastic about the band.
This isn't about you tolerating the night out, it's about you ruining it. The fact your girlfriend just got quiet and withdrawn instead of pushing back your me worry that you've got a history of 'losing your cool' that makes her afraid for her safety if she speaks out.
Don't forget his petulance wasn't actually about her not wanting to go to the bar near OP's apartment, but that she didn't want to 'finish out the night.' In other words, OP was upset that he dropped $300 and wasn't rewarded with sex.
I’m so angry on her behalf. She was probably so disappointed, but to spare your feelings and the night, she pushed through. Then, she gave you a chance to make it up to her. She’s an angel. I would have cried my eyes out. Your attitude is so gross. I’m really surprised you didn’t feel shame while typing all of that out. Like, wow. YTA
I have a high school friend, Diana, whom recently got her Masters degree. She lived in another city and we barely ever saw each other and she was always “too busy” for long phone calls so we only talked briefly every now and then. During the time she spent on her degrees, I managed to get married and start my own family.
Diana was visiting her family and we met up for lunch. I asked her about her degree, work prospects, etc. (She did her masters in translation or interpreting or something like that) and she said she got the job but will have to move to Brussels. I told her that’s crazy. If she can’t find a job locally, then her degree was a waste of time if she has to move to another country.
She said it’s an amazing job opportunity that she couldn’t get anywhere around here (apparently the job is related to EU parliament or whatever, I admit it, I lost her with all the abbreviations she was using). She again said that it’s an amazing opportunity and she’s excited. I asked her about the pay and she told me.
I said that my husband earns that without a degree so I was right about the wasting of time and money, and she said it’s starting salary and it’ll grow because the first year I saw pretty much training and being in a junior position. I again said that she could’ve gotten a similar job here and wouldn’t have wasted 6 years and instead could’ve already worked and started a family.
And here’s where she was rude, she said that if she was to be as unhappy as I was, she didn’t want a family. She threw in my face that apparently I’m always complaining about my husband, but I’m criticising her - he’s the best husband in the world.
I told her she’s ridiculous and mean and she called me an as*hole, paid and left the restaurant. I told my friends about this and they’re split in who’s the as*hole here so tell me, AITA for telling her the truth?
I got to the end of the second paragraph and was like 'oh, no wonder her friend doesn't communicate much.' And then I read that the job was in Brussels and started loling because I had a feeling I knew where this was going, but she even topped that by being like 'some EU Parliament thing, I don't know.' At that point, I officially lost my sh*t.
OP is not only smugly judgmental but also clearly quite ignorant and lacking in curiosity, which makes that sense of superiority that emanates off of OP all the more annoying. YTA, OP. Your friend, on the other hand, sounds pretty awesome. I'm sorry you don't see that.
...She was essentially meeting up with her to say goodbye before she left the country. Then she gets hit with the sort of nonsense she's probably been actively avoiding for years. OP is the sort of petty person who hates their life but won't admit it. You can't complain nonstop about your situation and then pretend you have the moral high ground and insist everyone else do the same as you!
OP somehow thinks having a family is the only way to go. While Diana has a passion for language, history, and probably politics - and travel. Also, I don't know why people think that an education is wasteful if they don't make the huge bucks. Some people simply like to learn things for the sake of learning. OP, YTA. And some education wouldn't hurt you at all.
My husband, Mike (37) is the eldest in his family. He's pretty close with his sister Beth, (28) and they spend almost all week together. Beth had issues with her father growing up. She went no contact with him after he took her first car and damaged it. She only remained in contact with Mike since everybody else judged her for going no contact.
She's getting married to her fiance of 3 years. From what I understand, she and her dad are slowly getting reconciled, but she made it clear she wants him to take no part in the wedding. She asked Mike if he could walk her down the aisle and he agreed.
I have to say that I was taken aback and it felt a bit odd for me because, her dad is alive, they're on speaking terms again, he's gonna be there at the wedding so the logical thing to do is have him walk her down the aisle. This role isn't for her older brother but her father. Not to mention how FIL will feel about it.
I brought this up with Beth and she had an attitude and implied that I was just saying this and objecting because of how I feel about the situation not how our traditions should be practiced. We got into an argument and I went home.
Mike thinks I'm being unreasonable and possibly causing him to miss something so sentimental and that if anything, he feels honored to be asked to do this for her, and said that I should stop worrying about what others might say. Now we're having this conflict (3 of us) and can not seem to reach a solution.
YTA. There are 3 places you can always stay for free:
In your lane
Out of other people’s business
Over there with your nonsense.
This is way out of your lane, it’s none of your business, and no one is remotely interested in your nonsense. Why do you honestly care who she wants to walk her down the aisle? Do you have a problem with his sister?
'and they spend almost all week together' She's jealous.
YTA. There was no conflict except for YOUR (unwanted) opinion. Beth wants Mike to walk her down the aisle. Mike wants to walk Beth down the aisle. Mike's wife thinks he shouldn't, sticks her nose into his business, insists upon it, objects to it, creates a conflict because of her own opinions about years-long issues she hasn't been around for, and then posts.
OP, during your entire typing and proofing of this post, did you not see that you've butted into someone else's affairs? Was there no glimmer of 'Beth should be able to choose whomever she wants' or 'Mike and Beth know this situation best'?
I'm more concerned that this isn't the first time you've done this (argued a point rather than listened to the other side), and if I were you I'd apologize and offer your (nonjudgemental) support. If I were Mike I'd be second-guessing my marriage.