Family heirlooms are precious. The sentimental value they hold is usually worth more than money can buy. Wedding dresses, rings, and childhood homes are a few things that can genuinely divide a family. Families tend to bring a ruckus when the inheritance of heirlooms is in question.
In April last year, my (19f) grandma let everyone in her will inherit most things early (she's still alive), which was almost everything except for things like her house, etc. I inherited my grandma's wedding dress from the fifties or sixties since I loved it so much when I first saw it. I'm not getting married anytime soon, but I plan to in the future, and I want to wear my grandma's dress to my wedding.
My cousin, Jake (26m), is marrying his fiancé, Lily (25f), late next year. Jake reached out last week, which was weird because we are not close. He said he had seen the dress before I inherited it from our grandma and wanted his fiancé to wear it to their wedding. I told him the answer would probably be no, and he was pretty upset about it.
I decided to hear him out, and he said that his fiancé would tell me her plans for alterations. Lily called me the next day, and to sum it up. She wanted to cut up the dress, dye it and completely change the bodice.
Lily said it would be great since the dress would be free and her mum could do the alterations. I told Lily that her plans were not ok w/ me, and she said, 'I'm just going to give it to my future daughter/daughter-in-law, so I wouldn't want you wearing it.'
I was shocked by this b*tch’s entitlement, and I told her that since it was my grandma's dress, I wouldn't want her wearing it as it would take away from the sentimentality for me. I also told her that even if I let her wear the dress, there was no chance I would let her keep it. I hung up when she started crying because I couldn't take more of this girl's sh*t.
Jake blew up my phone and told me that I was such a b*tch for making Lily cry and that I shouldn't have made them think there was a chance they could have the dress. I told Jake that, at first, I might have been a chance, but by the time Lily called, I had made my decision. Jack blew up, saying that I shouldn't rob his fiancé of the opportunity for the perfect dress, etc.
I told him that the reason for my decision was that I was planning to wear it to my future wedding, that the dress was important to me, and I didn’t want to wear a dress that had been cut up and worn by someone else so recently. He said some bs like, “our grandma might not even be there when you get married, so why not let Lily wear it.”
I texted him (I might have gone too far, but I was pissed) saying that Lily wasn't part of the family and that the dress meant nothing to her and didn't have the value to her that it had to me, I didn't want someone to take that away from me. I called my grandma about this, and she said I shouldn’t give it to them as she didn’t want Jake's fiancé to wear the dress because she barely knew her.
Since then, Jake and Lily have been blowing up my msgs and Instagram DMs, and Lily's parents even dm'd me. I’ve ignored it because they're pissed and begging for the dress. AITA?
No need for an arbiter when you have the internet ready to chime in.
If it's the 'perfect dress' why is she planning to dye and alter it? They're just after a freebie. NTA (Not the A**hole) all the way.
NTA. Block all of them. And hide the dress.
NTA 100%. Also, if you ever gave Lily that dress, there is a ZERO percent chance she would ever return it to you, regardless of how much she swears she would. As soon as the wedding is over, she would IMMEDIATELY start saying how special the dress now was to her because she wore it in her wedding, and how she hoped to pass it down to her daughter one day. Never lend out a wedding dress if you want it back
OP, go tell Lily to get her own grandma to give her a wedding dress.