Bride plans ultimate revenge after SIL erases her family from wedding photos. AITA?
"She erased us from her wedding. So I’m erasing her from mine."
When my brother got married, his bride (now my sister-in-law) had very specific expectations. She wanted everyone in the family to wear their wedding colors, and we all did. People flew in from out of state. Everyone made an effort to make her feel celebrated.
The day before the wedding, she made some offhanded (but clearly pointed) remarks about how “our side” of the family never takes anything seriously and she wasn’t expecting us to take this seriously either. The comments made their rounds, and feelings were hurt before the wedding even began. But we still showed up, looked great, and participated.
Fast forward to getting the wedding photos and video: not a single photo of our side of the family was posted. Not one. In the entire 3-minute highlight reel? No faces from our family, except a 3-second clip of my parents with the bride and groom. The rest of us? It’s like we never existed.
I texted her (cordially) and asked if she could send me the pictures with just our siblings, since none had been posted. She responded that we never took those pictures. That’s wild because I remember helping people adjust corsages for them.
She doubled down on the gaslighting. I gave it six months and asked again—she suddenly had no idea what I was talking about. Fine. Here’s where the petty revenge comes in.
I’m getting married in 8 days. I’ve been engaged for 6 months and planning this moment since she tried to erase us. I hired a great photographer and videographer. What she doesn’t know is that the videographer has a secret mission: make it look like she’s getting all the attention.
Track her. Hover near her like she’s the star of the show. She will feel so seen. And then… the final cut? She won’t appear for even one second. Just like she made sure we didn’t.
I didn’t even invite her originally. Word must’ve gotten out because she cornered me at a family dinner and said, “Unfortunately I have to work the day before and after your wedding, but I should still be able to make it.”
I was so stunned I just said, “That’s fine. The Airbnb is booked whether you’re there or not.” So now she’s coming. Ugh. To cope? I spelled her name wrong on the wedding invite on purpose. That was my first move. The video blackout will be my last. Not asking for advice. Not asking if it’s “too mean.” It’s not. It’s exactly fair. Happy to finally talk about it freely š
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
I'm more concerned how whipped your brother must be to allow her to cut his whole god damn family out like that.....It's his effing wedding too....
My thoughts exactly. When I got married to my wife, we did it at the courthouse. We didn't need, nor want everyone there. Just my parents and her parents. That was it. But yeah, either brother doesn't like his family. Or she owns his ass, balls, and wears the pants, 100%.
That, or...the brother has the photos with this family in them. He got lied to about the highlight reel and it being a "mistake", and his wife is lying to him about having given them to the sister. Idk which.
Actually you can just instruct the photographer to take unglamorous photographs of her, like her eyes are closed or weird facial expressions and just posted it on social media. If she complains, you can just tell her, “well at least everyone is in my wedding photos.”
Ooooohhhhh I wanna see where this one goes. What does your brother think of all of this? Didn’t he want pictures of his own family?
Good for you. I want to hear the fallout. Do you even plan to feign ignorance?
You didn't ask your brother for the photos of your side a the wedding? I get the petty revenge of not having her in any of the videos and not putting photos of her in the album, but at least ask your brother for the photos. He likely knows where they are.
I wonder if you could turn the gaslighting up a notch. If you can manage to not speak with her all day, it could work. Then when she asks about pics of her, blink in innocent confusion and say "Oh... were you there?"
Sooo, I (truly) forgot to take a picture with my brother’s (at the time) new gf at my wedding. I honestly thought she was jumping into things when the photographer called out groups (everybody on the bride’s side, all the girls, etc).
Six years later, she and my brother get married. She refused to be in a picture with me. Stupid, but whatever, I wasn’t going to bring it up and play into her game. That was my brother’s loss. My mom was mad and brought it up later though.
That night, I heard her drunkenly tell my brother “I hope that pissed your sister off.” I think it was about the photo, but someone said she was trying to make me mad by dancing with my husband too. Whatever. I was just hurt that she was trying to be petty with her own damn wedding.
Point of my story is—I love a good petty revenge, but your wedding is far too special FOR YOU to waste it on witches who play stupid games. I don’t talk to my brother anymore because of all the stupid wedding nonsense that went down.
Makes me sad because I feel like I let her win by even saying anything about her drunken comment. At this point my revenge is best served cold by living my life and not giving her the attention she so obviously craves. Ignoring them and acting like you have no revenge drives them crazy.
For the love of all that is petty…. Update me!