'It looks better stolen.' Cousin's admission precedes allergic reaction and parental exile. AITA?
"AITA for 'erasing' my parents after my cousin stole my food and had an allergic reaction?"
I’m 16f and a couple months ago my parents cleared out their office room so my 13 year old cousin could move in. Ever since she got here, stuff from my room has been going missing.
Mostly clothes and my braiding hair since i do hair on myself and others..my crop tops, tube tops, little things like that kept turning up missing or when i did find them they we’re cut shorter or stained. Important detail: no one in the house has a lock on their door except my parents and obviously the front door.
I asked my parents for a lock since it was pretty clear who was taking my stuff, and they said no because a couple months ago I got caught smoking weed and they “don’t want anything happening in my room.”
Okay cool, i understood that but not the fact that my things were getting stolen and nobody cared but me since i’ve brung it to they’re attention many times but her actions we’re always excused with “she’s growing up and finding herself, let her be.”
So one day I confronted my cousin and was like “if you wanted to borrow my stuff you could’ve just asked, I probably would’ve let you.” And she literally said “because it looks better if it’s stolen.”
We argued, parents got involved, and got yelled at since I’m immature for arguing with a 13 year old (who obviously knew what she was doing.) After that, my parents started acting super standoff-ish with me. Like barely talking, ignoring me in the house, weird passive-aggressive energy. I was basically just staying in my room to avoid everyone.
Fast forward two weeks. I come home from school and immediately get screamed at by both my parents at once for giving my cousin food poisoning. Turns out she went into the fridge, stole my leftover peanut noodles (which she 100% KNEW were mine and that she’s allergic to), ate them, and had a reaction.
Here’s the thing though..nobody in the house even knew she was allergic to peanuts except her and my dad. Not me, not my mom, no one else. Somehow this was still my fault, OKAY COOL.
My parents said i could stay with my grandmother who lives 36 hours for the summer for my cousin to “calm down” from the situation since every time i walked around in the house i’ve lived in for sixteen straight years she complained she was scared of me.
i’ve been here for a week or two. I tried checking in with my parents a couple times but they barely answered, so I just blocked them, now trying to protect my peace and live my life without the title ”the food poisoner” sticking on my back.
Now they’re blowing up my grandma saying I’m trying to “erase them from my life.” And honestly…i‘m not, i’m just tired of putting in effort in a relationship they have obviously given up on, AITA? (please give feedback and or advice.)
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Nta, your cousin knows perfectly well what she's doing and she's manipulating your parents. And they're no better. They clearly favor your cousin and let her do whatever she wants.
They're wrong. And they're acting surprised to see you're blocking them. Stay away from all her toxicities. Have a happy life with your grandmother before you enter the workforce.
Completely agree your cousin is manipulating the situation and your parents are enabling her behavior instead of protecting you which is honestly backwards since youre their kid not her.
They are delusional and it's simple as that. NTA, it's your life and you live the way you want. I hope you managed to bring majority of your stuff with you because damn, you'd probably find almost everything trashed once you come back...
NTA, I’d quit trying to reach out. You don’t say how your grandma is responding to them or how she views all of this. You also don’t say if you’re expected to back in the fall although it sounds like it.
They didn’t protect you from her theft, her lies or her drama. I wouldn’t want to talk to them either. If your grandma is sympathetic ask her to tell them to give you some space because they haven’t had your back.
When you do talk to them, I would in as calm a manner as possible tell them you feel they weren’t listening to your concerns, you were blamed for things you didn’t do e.g. the food and you don’t want to talk right now.
Assuming you’re going back in a few months, perhaps before you return ask for locks on your closet or wherever you store the stuff she’s been stealing rather than your door.
Also ask for clear ground rules about food if she has previously undisclosed food allergies. Do they also have food with peanuts or is that now banned entirely from the house? I have to wonder if she moved in with your family because this behavior got her kicked out of wherever she lived before and if your parents took that into account.
More_Detective7918 (OP)
After the incident they banned peanut related foods, cousin got kicked out because she was doing horrible in school and doing a lot of stuff she wasn’t supposed too so her parents asked mines to take her and they did. Thank you for the advice i will use it when i feel less emotional about calling and talking to them.
NTA. So your cousin is such a problem child that her parents kicked her out at 13. Your parents were supposed to be able to handle her better, but instead they are making excuses for every bad thing she does. And then blaming you for it.
Also, they could put a lock on your door, but keep a key for themselves, since they don't trust you. And if your dad knew she was allergic to nuts, then they should have made the home nut free as soon as she moved in. And unless you knew that and then told her to eat your leftovers, then you shouldn't be punished for that. Lastly, why didn't she go to live with grandma?
Don’t wish that mess on poor Grandma.
They are afraid of you trying to erase them from your life because they know you would be better off without them. Erase them. Be better off.