'AITA for telling my estranged mom her son can't live with me (and his ferret can’t either)?' UPDATED

"AITA for telling my estranged mom her son can’t live with me (and his ferret can’t either)?"

This happened about a week ago, and I need some outside perspective. I (26F) got a text from my mother (who I barely know) asking if my brother (23M) could have my phone number.

For context: my parents divorced shortly before I was born. My mom was unstable and left when I was just a few days old. I was raised by my dad and grandparents, alongside four siblings. My mom re-entered my life when I was around 20, and we’ve had very limited contact since — she lives in another state, and we’ve never been close.

I said fine, my brother could have my number. I’ve only met him once, but I was willing to connect, to a point. That’s when my mom dropped the real reason: she wanted him to move in with me. She deliberately waited to tell me after I agreed to share my number. If she’d asked me upfront, I would’ve said no immediately.

Apparently, my brother got into a physical altercation with her husband (my stepdad), and things got bad enough that cops were almost called. Now my brother is no longer welcome at their house.

Here’s the thing: my brother has a long history of trouble. He’s been in and out of juvie, arrested multiple times, was homeless for a while by choice, and is currently wanted in his home state for skipping court. He has no job, can’t legally work, doesn’t have a car or license, and has a cat and a ferret that would come with him.

I live with my husband and two cats (my cats are not friendly with other animals, ESPECIALLY to anything that isn’t cat shaped), and while we technically have a spare room, it’s intended to become a nursery in the future. I’m not okay bringing someone with a record, no income, and unpredictable behavior into my home — let alone his animals.

When I told my mom no, she pushed back. She didn’t even acknowledge what I had said — she expected me to do this. I knew I wasn’t getting anywhere, so I said I’d talk to my husband, but not to get her hopes up.

Later, after talking and expressing how much I did not want him in our house, my husband messaged my mother and shut it down. He explained that we’re not in a financial position to take anyone in right now (I just started a new job after being unemployed for almost a year), and we don’t feel safe or comfortable with the idea.

He pointed out everything I mentioned above — the criminal history, the extra animals, the fact that he wouldn’t be contributing to bills or rent, and the general lack of trust. My brother has a history of violence. We said no. Her response? “I get it. I completely understand.” Like… really? You couldn’t have said that to me when I said no? Bruh.

The kicker: after texting with my brother throughout this, I realized that he didn’t even ask to stay with me — our mom offered it to him and said she’d talk to me first. She made it sound like this was his idea, but it wasn’t. After we declined, I texted my brother and told him (gently) that we weren’t able to take him in, and explained that it was due to his past and the animal situation. He seemed to understand.

But later that night, he kept texting me sporadically — saying how badly he needed help, that he just wants to feel safe, that everyone around him (his parents and our younger brother) is awful.

Those are not the kind of people I want to associate with. It was so chaotic and overall made me feel guilty that I wouldn’t take him in, but I held my ground. I’ve worked too hard to get to a stable place in my life, and I’m not willing to risk that — or my relationship — to take on someone else’s crisis.

At this point, I’m honestly ready to cut off contact with my mother and her entire side of the family. They’ve always been rooted in chaos and drama, and this situation just solidified what I already knew—I don’t want any part of it. There’s a lot more that’s happened over the years that led me to this place, but this whole ordeal was the final straw.

So… AITA for refusing to let him stay and for cutting contact with my mom after she tried to manipulate me into taking him in?

What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say:

Careless-Image-885 said:

NTA. Stop hesitating. Block them all and move on. Why invite drama and possible criminal activity into your life. You owe these strangers nothing.

CarrotofInsanity said:

Solution: You block his number. You block Mom’s number.

She just earned herself No Contact. And so did he. You will effectively ghost 👻 her like you’re Casper.

Usual-Chapter-6681 said:

You reconnect with them six years ago, at this point they're merely acquaintances, you don't need that kind of drama in your life. Your brother even have your number only when he needs something from you, and trying to guilt trip you.

Flamebrush said:

I thought the brother was 14 or something. This is a grown-ass man of 23.

And zanne54 said:

NTA block both of them. Also “no” is a complete sentence. Stop JADE-ing your decisions. Justify. Argue. Defend. Explainn. Giving reasons only provides your mom/brother with a toehold to attempt to overcome your objections.

A week later, she shared this update:

So, I decided not to block my brothers because I still want a relationship with them if possible. However, I did block my mother and her husband. She ended up reaching out to my sister, and my step-father reached out to my husband asking if I was okay, saying she couldn’t find my Facebook and I wasn’t replying to her texts.

My husband explained that the things that happened with them were just too weird and overwhelming for me. He told them he hated being the bearer of bad news, but that he hopes they can respect our decisions from here on out.

Instead of taking that in, she got angry and immediately blamed my brother — saying he must’ve “told me things he shouldn’t have” and that I had “deleted her out of my life” because of him. That same night, my brother texted me saying they were blaming him and kicking him out that night without time to find a new place.

I told him it wasn’t his fault, and that I came to my decision entirely on my own (with the help of you commenters of course ❤️). I told him not to listen to our shared incubator because she likes to push off the blame onto others.

I also told him I’m willing to help him get on his feet, find a place to stay, and even help with job searching — but only if he deals with his warrant first. He said he couldn’t and left it at that, so I made it clear that until that’s resolved, I won’t be offering help. He also started trauma-dumping and trying to guilt me into letting him move in again. I told him no, and he stopped.

As for my mom — she told my brother she’s “done trying to have a relationship with me” if I’m going to be all “buddy buddy” with him, and then called me a “blonde little b!tch.” All that did was solidify my decision. You can’t claim to want to fix a relationship and then flip like that the moment someone sets a boundary or chooses something different.

I’m done putting myself in these situations. I’m walking away from all of it. If my brother keeps trying to pressure me, he’s getting blocked too. But until then, this is the end of the line. Thank you to everyone who commented and helped me get my head out of my ass — I needed that more than I realized.