'AITA for getting adopted as an adult after being LC with my parents for years?'
"AITA for getting adopted as an adult after being LC with my parents for years?"
I (23) have started the process of being adopted as an adult by my uncle and aunt. It’s caused a s**t storm in the family and I’m starting to feel bad about that so I wanted to get some other opinions. Background is that I and my birth parents and siblings do not get along at all. My parents have always been very politically active and have really strong opinions about a lot of things.
They’re very dedicated vegans, pacifists, eco-activists, anti-capitalism types to give you the high points. Which is fine, no shade to people who hold those opinions, it’s just that it’s my parents’ entire personality and lifestyle with no room for any disagreement.
My siblings and I were dragged around to protests and meetings and all kinds of stuff since we were little, some of which I feel like now was not really safe for kids our age to be at. My mom’s side of the family are similar, basically old school hippies. My siblings are still into a lot of the same communities, but I’ve always been the odd kid.
Just a lot of fights about stuff pretty much as soon as I got old enough to question them. I stopped being a vegan when I was a teenager and my parents acted like I had decided to become a cannibal. The real problem came up when I was deciding what I wanted to do after high school.
I had good grades and was an athlete, but I didn’t really feel ready for college so I decided to join the Marines. My uncle is a Marine and he and my aunt were some of the few adults in my family that made me feel like I wasn’t a huge problem all the time.
My parents went ballistic and basically told me they would disown me if I joined the military and it got so bad I had enough and told them to go f themselves then. I didn’t talk to them for 3 years, but my uncle and aunt always stayed in touch and sent letters and care packages and I go to visit them when I’m able to.
I’m in touch with my siblings, but things are awkward, we just went in totally different directions as people, and they keep wanting me to patch things up with our parents. I agreed to LC a couple of years ago as an attempt to try but I honestly don’t like who my parents are as people now that I’m an adult and I don’t think we’re ever going to be close again.
I actually do really well in the service, and I’m planning on staying, so they’re never going to approve of me or my “lifestyle” anyway. I had a close call late last year and it got me to thinking about some things. My uncle and aunt are basically my parents in everything but name.
They were never able to have kids so I’m already kind of filling that role. I don’t want my birth parents to have a say in any legal decisions about me as next of kin because their values are so different. So I asked my uncle and aunt to adopt me and they said yes. My uncle talked to my dad about it as a “fair warning” sort of thing since it would come out eventually and all hell broke loose.
My birth parents are upset, my siblings are furious, and my uncle is catching flak from them and other family members for “stealing” me basically instead of telling me to work it out with my birth parents. I’d rather be his kid anyway. I’m going through with it, but people have me doubting if I’m being a giant AH to my birth parents, so AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
Flat_Ad1094 wrote:
See a lawyer. It's unlikely they need to adopt you. That is a process for minors. Not a process for adults. What you need is various legal shit done to ensure that your aunt and uncle are TOTALLY your next of kin legally and have all the rights you want them to have.
I'm not sure at all what this is called. But a family lawyer should know how to do it. Tell your birth family to politely "get f**ked"!! it's your life and you will live it how YOU WANT and believe and do what YOU want to do. you are well into adulthood. Not a child.
mocha_lattes_ wrote:
If it's just for legal reasons, there are other options and paperwork you can do to make your aunt and uncle the ones who handle things should you be incompacitated or worse. If this is about how you feel about your parents and aunt/uncle then go for it. Consult a lawyer first and go over all the options before making the final decision. Best of luck. NTA.
Matchacat12 wrote:
NTA. Your biological parents were not supportive of you at all, and your aunt and uncle stepped in that parental role. They did not steal you, they gave you the support and love you deserved. You are also an adult and can make this decision on your own. I think it’s heartwarming that you want your aunt and uncle to be officially your parents ❤️
Ok_Confusion4764 wrote:
NTA. I don't like capitalism or war either but if any child of mine chose to become a marine I'd be proud of them. I also don't think it's right to force dietary choices onto kids either. And if they threatened to disown you, just bring that up again. Because it sounds to me like they cut you off first.
East_Membership606 wrote:
A big part of being a parent is respecting where your kid’s decisions. There are exceptions of course for harmful behaviors but joining the military and eating meat are not reasons to estranged yourself from your child.
I’m a liberal, kosher Jew. My son is a conservative who likes pork. I don’t force my beliefs on him- he’s his own person. A decent, kind loving person who I am very proud of. Your parents should extend that type of love to you and if you found it with your aunt and uncle- all the more power to you.
Starchild1968 wrote:
My parents were hippie. I don't like war or unbridled capitalism. However, my son is a former career marine and I am proud of his service. Being military doesn't negate a change in "lifestyle." A rigid dogma is never a pragmatic way of keeping loving relationships. You deserve a family of unconditional love. I wish you happiness, caring, and love from as many people possible.