'Every year someone thinks I'm hitting on their wife at the Christmas party and I finally said enough.'
"Every year someone thinks I'm hitting on their wife at the Christmas party and I finally said enough."
For the last 3 years, I have done the supportive husband and gone to my wifes work Christmas party's. My wife is a very outgoing and friendly person, so naturally, she has a lot of people for me to meet and say hi too.
Now, this has happened every year, and I usually say I drank too much or I said something that came off inappropriate, whatever I can tell myself to justify the incident.
Year 1. The party goes great I think I've mad some friends and it just so happens this guy's ex wife (wasn't even a couple anymore) was a vapor so we had something 8n common to talk about while the employees chatted.
Well, the group seemed uncomfortable with my conversation with her and kept asking my wife if it was OK that I was talking to her. My wife didn't care she knew I wasn't doing anything, but this progressed until they made a big scene to push the tables together to get me away from her without saying anything about it directly. I went home that night saying it was my fault
Year 2 we are at the Christmas party and this year they had team building exercise so my wife and some of her co workers wore inside a workshop while the rest of us just wait in the event hall playing pool and stuff.
I started talking with a guy, and his date about pool as my brother in law plays pool on a team, and again, it's something we have in common that's safe. Well this time no one seen mad but the impression I was hitting on this guy's date still stood.
Eventually her coworker and his date realized I was just waiting for the team building to be done to get my wife back and was just being friendly. I still felt some kinda way about it, tho like I didn't know how to act, and im embarrassing my wife.
Year 3 . This year, things are a little different. Now we are expecting our first baby after multiple failed attempts so I am super excited and can't stop talking about it. Everyone wants to talk with us and ask about the baby, and her company has grown a lot this year, so there are a lot of faces.
Very late in the night, my wife comes and gets me to meet this couple that asked to meet. My wife has been in heels all night and she is pregnant so she really doesn't want to stand there anymore then to say this is my husband so she walks back to our table to sit and I stay talking with this guy and his wife and obviously the conversations about the baby.
I'm super excited to talk about it, and she's asking questions, so the conversation just kept going naturally until apparently it pissed off her husband. He throws his hands on the table and throws himself up out his seat and just walks right to the exit his wife is franticly looking around me but still trying to be respectful of our conversation.
I look over to see what he was doing, maybe getting a drink or saying hi to someone. No, he's standing there, arms crossed, and spitting into the street from the sidewalk clearly pissed off. So I half finish my sentence and just walk away.
Later that night, I told my wife I don't want to go anymore. It's not fair how im treated because I'm friendly. This year's Christmas party showed me it doesn't matter what conversation topics I stick to even talking about my pregnant wife and how happy we are to be having a baby after a few failed attempts still comes off as I wanna bang your wife. When do people grow up.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
You might want to reflect on what you consider "friendly" may not be what other people or society do. You also aren't giving a lot of information for events that likely were over the course of a few hours. Clearly something about your behavior is upsetting people and my guess is that you are oblivious to what you are doing that is causing it.
You should talk to your wife about your behavior, if she backs you up then at least you got that. If she also sees your behavior as problematic then it's a problem you need to fix.
BedInternational124 (OP)
I also didn't mean to come off that hostel. My wife agrees they are acting like children, but obviously, we aren't making a sence about to anyone thats why I came to reddit to vent.
If this only happens at wife's work parties I'm guessing you got a reputation after first year and people are only seeing what they are looking for. Skip these parties.
Was going to type the exact thing. Simply because this last year this guy made a big scene. There were polite ways of handling that if you were that other guy. But in his head? The “girlfriend stealer” is at it again this year. You are a character in your wife’s office, friendo. And once you get that character label? In an office? It is hard to break out.
If you're fairly drunk at these events then in some of these situations there's a good chance you're missing a social cue that a woman is uncomfortable but doesn't want to say. In addition if it appears like you've singled out one person to talk to rather than including those around you (often their husband/partner) then it comes across as disrespect.
Imagine you're at a dinner party but you only speak to the person sitting across from you, and don't make the effort to include those either side to you. They feel pretty crappy, because they're there to have a fun time too. Maybe try drinking less and spreading around your social attention and see whether it still happens.
When it smells like poo everywhere you go, you might just have poo on your shoe. You are clearly doing something to provoke these reactions.
Sorry bro, I can’t get over the 1st example of their having to push tables together to block you away … clearly you’re doing/saying far more. And your wife doesn’t notice or offer advice? You e got major blinders on.