Ex-bridesmaid boycotts best friend's wedding after she's kicked out of the bridal party. AITA?

"AITA for not attending my best friend’s wedding after she asked me to be a bridesmaid?"

I (19F) have been best friends with Julia (22F) since high school. We’ve always been close, and I’ve supported her through many important moments in her life. When Julia got engaged, she asked me to be a bridesmaid. I was thrilled and agreed without hesitation.

However, a few months before the wedding, Julia called me with some news. She said that due to budget constraints, she would need to make some cuts and had decided to reduce the number of bridesmaids. She said she felt terrible, but she had to choose someone else over me. Julia also mentioned that she would still love for me to attend the wedding as a guest.

I was hurt by this sudden change and felt undervalued, especially since I had been so involved in helping with wedding planning up to that point. I decided to be honest with Julia about my feelings. I told her that I was disappointed and that I needed some time to process it. I also mentioned that if I couldn’t be a bridesmaid, I might not feel comfortable attending the wedding.

Julia seemed upset but understood. She said she hoped I would still come and celebrate with her, even if I wasn't a bridesmaid. I took some time to think about it and eventually decided not to attend. I felt like my presence as a guest would just highlight my exclusion from the bridal party, and I didn’t want to feel like an afterthought.

When Julia found out, she was very hurt and angry. She told me I was being selfish and that my absence would cast a shadow over her special day. Our mutual friends also think I’m being unreasonable and should have just attended as a guest.

I feel conflicted. I understand that weddings can be stressful and that plans change, but I also feel like my feelings were dismissed. AITA for choosing not to attend the wedding after being removed from the bridal party?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

Key-Finance-9102 said:

Is this worth giving up a friendship for? If you snub her wedding like this, then that's what you're choosing to do. Attend the wedding, be gracious and celebrate your friend.

If someone makes a comment, you can choose to be TA or you can choose to take the higher road, swallow your pride and remember that the day should be about your friend, not you. Yes, you may feel disappointed but you're not the main character here.

spirituallysick5591 said:

I don’t understand how reducing a bridesmaid would help financially. Anytime I’ve been in the wedding party, I’ve paid for everything (dress, makeup, hair, etc) and I thought that was the norm.

What would the bride be paying for that an extra bridesmaid would put her over budget? Without an answer to that, I’ll say NTA because it sounds like she wanted to cut you from the wedding party and gave a lame excuse why.

Housing99 said:

I’m wondering how cutting a bridesmaid who was then invited as a guest had any effect on the budget? You have a right to feel however you feel. If it’s more hurtful to go to the wedding as a guest after all this then don’t go. NTA.

Own_File_5364 said:

NTA. She did what she felt like doing, and you thought she was your best friend. Now you’re doing what you feel like doing.

hip_hop_sweetheart said:

NTA - If your absence will cast a shadow then you should've been important enough to keep in the wedding. Did you pay a deposit on a dress?

sleddingdeer said:

YTA, I think. It really depends on who was kept as bridesmaids. If your friend had to include relatives and in-laws and it made the bridal party too big, you should support her and still go.

Weddings are very difficult to manage because there are a lot of competing interests and usually a limited budget. I don’t think anyone really understands the nuance until you plan one and there are all these domino choices and compromises you don’t want to make.

If your friend is in that situation and has made it clear that she really wants you there, why not decide to be the cool friend who gets it and not another person demanding things?

The last thing a bride needs is more pressure. Now, if you’ve been passed over for other friends, that’s different and it would be understandable to bow out gracefully.

Fit_Lengthiness_396 said:

How was it selfish of you to not attend, though? NTA. I have no idea why Julia needed to cut you out after inviting you and using you as a resource. But, no way she expected everything would just be hunky dory after she kicked you out?