Ex-bridesmaid stands her ground, lets a friendship ends with a 'Bridezilla.' AITA? 'The joke is on me.'

"AITA for standing my ground and letting a friendship end because of a Bridezilla?"

I, 30 y/o female, attended a friend's wedding where my fiancé was a groomsman. The bride & I became close during her wedding planning, talking daily & sharing details.

She initially asked me to be a bridesmaid, retracted the offer, asked again, & then retracted it again. As the wedding approached, she relied on me for emotional support, particularly about issues with her MOH, who was problematic & almost got kicked out.

Fast forward to the wedding weekend. For context, the Airbnb to the venue is 1 hour, & the bride's house is in the middle. We all stayed in an Airbnb at the bride's request. She asked me to pick up the wedding cake, which was an hour from the Airbnb & two hours from the venue.

I agreed. Later, I was asked to pick up supplies from her house & bring them to the Airbnb, which I also did. While the bridal party was at rehearsal, me & a friend, Kayla, were tasked with setting up a Mama Mia night for the bride after one bridesmaid ran out of time. However, although Kayla & I were initially told we were invited, when it started, the MOH slammed the door on us, saying it was for bridesmaids only.

One bridesmaid, Amanda, started making advances toward my fiancé & other married men, saying she didn’t care if they were married. Jamie, another friend, overheard this & told Kayla & me.

Saturday: wedding day. I helped decorate the bridal suite, which another bridesmaid failed to do. I also steamed six groomsmen's suits since I was the only one with a steamer and they were all horribly wrinkled.

The wedding was poorly organized: no non-alcoholic drinks except water, reused unrinsed cups, & insufficient food (dry, cold pasta). The bride ignored Kayla, Jamie , & me the entire time. After the wedding, Amanda continued to make advances.

Sunday: "I Do" BBQ, the bride confronted me in the bathroom. I explained everything, but she dismissed it as a miscommunication. When Amanda continued her inappropriate behavior, I warned the bride I would handle it. Amandas advances continued, even spreading her legs in front of the men.

Many people, including the groom's family & friends, noticed Amanda’s behavior & asked us about it. Later, Amanda boxed me in when I tried to talk to my fiancé, exaggerating her reaction when I bumped her with my elbow throwing herself onto the couch spreading her legs in the air all while in a dress. The bride cracked & started yelling & screaming at everyone.

Monday: we'd had enough. The bride was yelling at everyone to clean the Airbnb. Kayla, Jamie, & I decided we were done, packed up, didn’t help, & waited to say goodbye. The bride ignored my attempt to say goodbye & subsequently blocked us on social media.

I was used and taken advantage of throughout this entire friendship; never thanked for everything I did that weekend. My fiancé talked to the groom, & apparently, he understands & agrees, but I still haven’t gotten an apology from the groom or bride. In the end, the joke is on me: the groom is a groomsman at my wedding, & we still have to invite her. AITA?

Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:

SeamStressed1 said:

NTA .. but if you don’t stand up for yourself you will be…..Actually you don’t have to invite her and if the groom hasn’t apologized either then he can be removed as well.. he is such a good friend then he should be ashamed of what happened if he isn’t so you really want him at your wedding?

wordsmythy said:

You absolutely do not have to invite her to the wedding. And if the groomsman makes a stand that he won’t participate if she’s not invited, then he’s made his choice. NTA.

alien_overlord_1001 said:

NTA. You do not have to invite her at all. Who cares if her husband is a groomsman. Your wedding, your invite list. You let her take advantage of you. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

adie_sammy1202 said:

YTA to yourself. Not only were you used, treated horribly, never got an apology from both the groom and bride yet you still want them in your own wedding. You must be a masochist or sucker more of an idiot for still wanting them in it.

You should have a discussion with your fiance all of the horrible treatment you got before and during the wedding and ask yourself if this is the kind of friends you still want to see or keep, I certainly will not.

They showed you what they really are and frankly they do not deserve to be in your wedding even more as friends. There is a saying you deserve what you allowed or tolerated.

Minimum_Apartment_46 said:

NTA but in the future, speaking from experience here, call girls like Amanda out in front of everyone. Be like “that’s weird, do you think that’s appropriate?” And make sure to do it in front of several people because then it sets the context of people having seen her do weird sh$t right before and being appropriately called out.

Like when everyone just decides “well, that was awkward but no one else said anything” it pushes the majority of people to be like jeez I’m not gonna be the one to say something.

But if you address the behavior right then and there when she does weird stuff, everyone else who felt awkward will feel justified and take your side like “no that was weird!!!”

crazybirdlady93 said:

NTA, but seriously, don’t invite her to your wedding. Talk to your fiance, surely he can see the writing on the wall as well. It will be nothing but drama if she is there. Either the Amanda’s groom agrees to come solo or he doesn’t come at all. It sounded like he acknowledged her bad behavior, so hopefully he will understand.