Ex-husband’s affair with teen tuition recipient collapses into his pity party and custody chaos. AITA? UPDATED 2X
"AITA for being upset that my ex husband didn’t take our divorce the way he took his recent break up?"
I (32F) was married to Cam (34M) for 6 years and together for 16 years in total and we also share a daughter, Mia (4F). A bit of background, I was a SAHM and he worked but I noticed he was coming home late.
He started getting angry a lot, also always on his phone and to mention I had caught him looking at this girls instagram story before but I didn’t think anything of it. Shortly after that I found out he was cheating on me with Sky (now 19F) yeah barely legal. When I found out obviously I was hurt but I was also completely disgusted that he was cheating and willing to ruin our family for her.
I became a SAHM when my daughter was born and we made an agreement that he was in charge of our money and he would just give me his card to use when if I needed to buy anything. I wasn’t making any income except for the money I had before having our daughter which I kept in my bank account and I saved it for emergencies.
I felt stuck because I didn’t know what to do and for my daughter’s sake I didn’t end up leaving up. I had got suspicious and I went to look for the girl through his followings on Facebook and Instagram. I ended up finding the girl story he was looking up Instagram and I just made an assumption that it might’ve been her and I shot her a dm.
Long story short, she was rude as hell. She had zero remorse and kept on telling me to bother my husband who cheated instead of bothering her. She was aware he had a wife and family but didn’t care and even told me that he was paying her tuition. I ended up getting mad and telling her to stay away from my husband but she just told me she would keep going and it was just fun.
After that I guess she told my husband and I think he realized that I wasn’t leaving. He literally would leave his location on even when he went to her college campus which really pissed me off because I couldn’t see how he was really ruining all we had for some girl who isn’t even serious about him and also not even effing legal to drink yet.
Our daughter, Mia, attends ballet and they had a performance. This is what really was my breaking point because our child should always come first. He was out all night long that Friday and on Saturday was the recital and obviously he needed to be there for Mia’s first recital.
I gave him until 11pm then I finally called him and guess who picked up the phone? Sky. She told me that he was busy and then hung up and that was my breaking point. I quickly packed some of mine and Mia’s stuff up and I woke her up so we could go to my mom’s house who didn’t live far.
So we ended up crashing the night there as I didn’t want him to come back home to us nor did I want to see him when I woke up. That was a year ago. Now, we’re divorced and I have full custody of Mia while he has visitation rights.
I got a job, saved up, and now in an apartment and while it’s not the best, it’s good for me and Mia for the time being. Anyways, after the divorce they ended up getting together for a couple of months. While they were together he was visiting Mia but not as often, I’d say like twice a month.
To nobody’s surprise she ended up leaving him after a couple of months, but this is where I may be the AH. Ever since they’ve broken up he’s been depressed. He drinks a lot, he doesn’t eat much, he’s always sulking on the couch and just not himself.
He comes over more often to see Mia which is why I know this and I feel a way. He’s all depressed because she left but didn’t have this energy when we divorced after being together for 16 years?
When we divorced he didn’t seem to care at all, he was just nonchalant about it and kept messing around with Sky but now that this girl you were barely with left you, you’re depressed?
I know he’s going through it but I can’t help but feel a certain way about this. AITA for being upset that my ex husband didn’t take our divorce the way he took his recent break up?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s post:
Get him off your effing couch, don't let him in your house. If he wants to spend time with your daughter he can organize himself. Don't be a fool and get back with him. He's a loser, and you'll be an even bigger loser. Get on with your own life, make things better for your daughter.
SERIOUSLY. Let him take your kid elsewhere. Glow up and make sure he sees you do it, that you’re “too busy” for him, and accept that his behavior is not only him realizing what a loser he is and what he lost but that he never respected you in the first place.
When he broke up with you he had a new GF in the picture, when she broke up with him, he realized what he threw away.
The next day, the OP returned with an update.
I’m so overwhelmed right now, I didn’t except this to escalate so quickly but it did. Firstly, I want to thank everybody who gave me advice I really appreciate it all. I’m sorry if I took long to reply to comments, I had a busy morning especially with a 4 year old who attends preschool and also hates getting up in the morning.
A bit of background about their relationship, at least the stuff I know. The divorce happened last year so at the time sky was 18. I clarified this in the comments but I’m gonna say it again.
Cam was the one who offered Sky to pay her tuition and I think he did that to keep her around. After I found out about the divorce he would come home angry, he would call her names and was mad because she was seeing other guys in college and posting herself going to parties.
I don’t know how long their affair was. All I know is how they met, at least this is what he told me. Cam told me that they met at a club and he thought Sky was older but then she later told him it was a fake ID.
Now I don’t believe he thought that one bit. Sky SCREAMS teenager, I could tell by just one peek at her Instagram. She looks super young, she dresses like a teenager, she has braces with a very youthful face, and she types/acts just like her age.
Cam has visitation rights and he comes over to see Mia which I am gonna make arrangements to change that. When he comes over you could just feel the negative energy coming in with him by his attitude and the way he looks.
While Mia is occupied that’s when he vents to me about Sky which I don’t know why the hell he does. I will admit I’m stupid as I don’t say anything, I just let him talk. I pretty much ignore him when he’s here like he doesn’t exist while he just would just vent randomly.
But let me tell you guys what just happened and I’m literally so pissed. My baby gets out of preschool at 2:30 (usually my mom would pick her up but I got to leave early) and her ballet practice is at 4pm.
While during the ballet practice you could either leave your kid there or you can stay in the practice with them. One of my closet girlfriend’s daughter also attends the class and I needed to get groceries for our meals. So with her permission I left out for a bit.
My guess is that Cam gave Sky my number because I genuinely don’t see how else she could get it. Anyways, long story short she has Reddit and she came across my post and was pissed about it.
Guys no joke, this little girl and her friends was spamming my phone with calls. She would call me and say horrible things and then next I would get another call from somebody else who would say other stuff, this happened about 7 times.
The two first times, admittedly I went back and forth but as it kept going I finally got the hint they were playing with my phone so I allegedly started recording and just let them yell and insult.
I knew they were all together because when Sky called first I could hear other girls giggling or saying slick garbage in the background. I allegedly didn’t get the whole thing on recording because it came out of the blue so I only got the last few.
If I was to file a harassment report about this would it be valid or not? I blocked them and threatened to call the cops the last time and they stopped but seriously this is childish as eff.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP’s update:
File harassment charges absolutely. Also, send all of the information about the affair and all of the recordings of her calls to you to her mommy and daddy.
Right if she's old enough to sleep with married men then she's old enough to deal with the fallout from harassing people. And since she found the last post. Grow up Sky, you home wrecking little tart.
Definitely file harassment charges against ALL of them. Stop Cam from coming to your house‼️ Finally tell him that you don't care about his misery. Sheesh, stop being a dumpster for him. Let him listen to what Sky and her friends did. Don't let him know if you plan to file charges because he will tip her off. Go back to court to amend the custody agreement to supervised drop-offs and pickups.
Tell him to stop using you as his sounding board. You don't want to listen to his heartbreak. Or walk away when he laments his lost love. And make other arrangements for his visits to Mia. Maybe he takes her out and not be around you. Just don't be near him.
Omg she’s just a revolting little thing isn’t she? She was totally suited to your scumbag ex too. Pity they didn’t work out. They’re both immature half wits. When your ex starts whining about his side piece shut that down. He is there to spend time with his daughter, you are not his therapist.
Two weeks later, the OP returned with another update.
Hi everybody, I posted on here 2 weeks ago about my situation with my ex husband. I also posted about how Sky, the woman involved, and her friends called my phone repeatedly.
Firstly, I do want to say thank you to everybody who gave me ideas of what to do about the situation and I especially want to thank the people who messaged me privately to help me get over this. I also unfortunately had pervs in my messages and no, my daughter doesn’t need a step dad.
On to the update. I ended up emailing Sky’s school about the harassment. As I mentioned in the mini update, Sky has Reddit so she took the college she attended out her instagram bio which she originally had. Sky I know you’re probably reading this and unfortunately for you, dumbass, I didn’t forget the school you attend.
I emailed them about a day after my mini update along with photos of my call log and they finally got back to me this past Monday. They didn’t exactly tell me what they did but to summarize it they basically told me that they would take care of her and thanked me for it. Obviously Sky learned her lesson as she didn’t contact me at all.
Unfortunately, me or my girlfriend couldn’t find her parents. She doesn’t have a Facebook, only a instagram. She doesn’t have much photos up but the ones she does up doesn’t have anything of her family, just herself.
Onto my ex, soon after my post I called him and I set boundaries. I told him if he wanted to see Mia then it was to be done at his home or anywhere but my house. I told him that when it was time for him to come and get Mia that I would just walk her to the car and that he has no permission to come inside my home.
He didn’t take it lightly, he fussed that he was allowed to go into the home that his daughter is in. I told him that there’s no need for him to do that because if he wants to see her and only her then me bringing her to the car wouldn’t be a problem. After a while of fussing he did accept it eventually.
Unfortunately I was stupid and I decided to try and pry my way into knowing a bit more about their past relationship and the affair. I don’t believe that Sky told cam about the post or anything as I think he would’ve been mad or at least brought it up.
Cam opened up a little bit and told me a bit more about their whole relationship. He told me that at first him and Sky were originally just hooking up. Before anything happened Sky let him know that she didn’t want a relationship as she wanted to “live the college experience” and cam didn’t take it seriously.
Eventually, she started talking to other guys and he would also see her following go up with other guys in it whenever she said she would go to an event. He tells me that he started paying sky’s because Sky said if he didn’t then she would expose him.
I’m not sure what he means by exposed as he couldn’t be talking about expose him to me because he didn’t even seem to care when he got caught. But Sky had told me that he’s the one who offered the pay the tuition so I don’t know which one is telling the truth.
He told me that he loved Sky but couldn’t love her any longer because she was a gold digger (even more confused because Sky literally broke up with him). He also said that sky didn’t listen and that she deserved everything he did to her because there’s no reason she should be avoiding him.
Mind you I’m confused as hell. At first it seemed like he was trying to play victim but immediately got off topic and really was just raging about Sky. I’m baffled because you were literally just crying over this girl?
I ended up questioning him because it literally didn’t make sense. He ended up yelling at me, telling me to shut the f up and other stuff. Eventually, I just hung up the phone because I don’t have time for that. Like a child, he blocked me.
I ended up just talking to his mom. I asked if during cam’s time if I could just drop Mia off at her house and if cam wants to see Mia then he could visit. She’s an amazing grandmother so she accepted, I told her that he blocked me which she was shocked and told me that she would talk to him about it.
But that’s the update currently, hopefully cam gets help because obviously the nut job needs it. I recently started working out and I even joined a dating app this past Saturday like some people requested I did and good news! I matched with a ton of people.
I will also share that I have been a bit down just thinking about my baby girl. I feel like I did wrong picking cam as her father, I didn’t have a good father growing up so all I wanted was for my kids to have the dad I never had and at first cam was amazing but now I don’t know what’s happening. I think it’s a mid life crisis maybe? Sorry for this long post, thank you to everybody who helped me 💗
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP's final update:
The absolute last thing this woman needs is a dating app. This whole post, my singular concern was this kid caught up in her absurd adult drama. Dad is a loser, but OP isn‘t any better.
Seeking out the teen gf, after the dude who needed a decade to get to marriage, say quite a lot. Nothing OP said indicated that this dude was at any point good, but like the intro said she was willing to stay regardless. It is very, very sad.
I am 💯 with you on everything. OP seems like a huge freaking problem. Like yeah, her ex husband is TRASH but he also seems like he's been trash and she just won't let everything go and is willing to sacrifice her daughter to just be with this man smh.
OP tries to talk tough, but either her self-esteem is near gutter-level or she is much younger than 32. She just keeps getting engaged with these people. If she "didn't have time for that," then why start the conversation in the first place?
If "Cam" was paying "Sky's" tuition, then what would contacting her parents have achieved? Are they paying her tuition or in any way financially responsible for her now? Also, recitals in preschool? What in the Black Swan???