'AITA for not taking my ex-husband back after he left me for an 'alpha woman'?'
"AITA for not taking my ex-husband back after he left me for an 'alpha woman'?"
I was with my ex for seven years ,married for five. Yeah I’m 22. Now do the math. I grew up fast, don't judge. It was stupid romantic at first. That annoying kind of love where everything feels cinematic and your friends hate you a little. We got married young, had our son, pandemic baby, whole apocalypse aesthetic.
A few years ago, I quit my job to stay home with our kid while he kept working. I supported him through everything. Like actually supported. Emotionally, financially, spiritually, snacks included.
Later he started feeling some type of way about being “stuck” and said he didn't want to lose his drive or whatever motivational podcast phrase he was on that week. So he went back to finish business school. I backed him 100%. My mistake but ok.
He graduates, instantly lands a shiny job downtown thanks to his friend (who, by the way, hated me from day one). Suddenly, he’s making real money and growing a real ego. He tells me I should stay home full time because he won’t have time for family anymore. I say fine. Love is compromise right.
Slowly, he turns into someone I don’t recognize. Late nights. “Networking”. Weekend trips that feel very not work related. At home he’s cold, irritated, distant. Intimacy dead. I’m apparently “too soft” now. Being a mom made me boring. Cool.
Then one day he sits me down and asks for a divorce like he’s ordering coffee. No shock honestly. I still ask if we can try therapy or even space. He says no. He says he met someone else.
Turns out it’s some woman at his firm. Older. Louder. Very alpha energy. He literally used that word. Alpha. I wish I was joking. Apparently she showed him “the life he deserves”. Luxury. Ambition. Brunch.
He tells me she’s twice the woman I am. That I’m too emotional, too dependent. That staying home with our kid made me feminine. Yeah. Feminine. Like sir, it was your idea. Suddenly my years of holding everything together “don’t count”.
He goes on about how she’s confident, powerful, dominant. How she takes him on trips. How she has a real career. And the funniest part she didn’t want to make it official until we were separated. Such class. Such queen behavior.
I ask about our son. He says I can keep him. He says our kid prefers me anyway. That one broke something in me permanently. I snapped and said some things I’d been swallowing for years. He didn’t like that. He left.
After that I cried for weeks. Not because I loved him, but because being abandoned rewires your brain. Life felt empty and loud. My kid was the only thing anchoring me. I didn't spiral because he deserved better.
Divorce went through fast. Online everyone was praising my ex for “choosing himself” and “escaping mediocrity”. I was painted as the sad obstacle wife. Nobody checked on me. Honestly that silence pushed me into therapy and yeah unfortunately it works. Hate that.
Fast forward to this week. Unknown number. It’s him. Sobbing. Like full collapse. Alpha woman dumped him for someone “higher value”. Yes those were his words. She was also his superior at work and now he’s scared to even confront her. Poetic.
He explains how insecure he felt after becoming a dad. How the attention at work fed his ego. How his friend convinced him I was holding him back. That he deserved more. Apparently I was “safe but limiting”. Love that for me.
Then he asks if we can try again. Says he misses me. The little things. Me packing lunches. Me reminding him about meds. Me being home. Me being solid. He says he realized too late.
I told him I missed who I thought he was. Our son misses him too. But he made his choices. And if things worked out with her he wouldn’t be calling me. I’m not a backup plan. He cried. Said he wanted to come back a week after leaving but was too proud. I said no. Hung up.
Now my phone is exploding. Friends. Family. Telling me I’m cruel. That he was manipulated. Vulnerable. That I should help him heal instead of “abandoning him like he did to me”. That one stung, I'm not going to lie.
His dad wants a sit down this weekend. Intervention vibes. He wants me to bring our son. Just to talk. To hear both sides. To see if it’s fixable. I’ll go. But my answer isn’t changing. Still. All the noise is getting to me. So yeah. AITA for not taking him back?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Block them all. You are not a backup plan. If he’s that emotionally immature, he’ll do it again. Do not go anywhere to meet with his family or anyone who wants to push the agenda that you should be together. I’m sure you’re much better off without him. He wants someone to be his mummy.
This man is not interested in a partner. He has left you once already. There’s no way you should subject your child to this immature man baby. The trust is broken. You need to go to therapy so that you are not pressured.
How you can assist your child and understanding the current situation. Your form of partner that definitely needs therapy. You need to develop a parenting relationship and that is all.
Hard agree! he didn’t “make a mistake,” he made a series of calculated choices and only regrets them now because his ego got bruised..
NTA... don't bring your son. Have him bring some kind of proof of his earnings. Maybe he got a promotion he hasn't disclosed and you get more money out of him. Don't take that loser back. He is holding you back. Your poor boy had to see this POS abandoning him.
NTA, unless you go and listen to whatever lame drivel his dad is going to spew. Going would make you an AH to yourself for wasting your own time. Don't go anywhere and listen to anyone trying to convince you this loser is worth a second thought, let alone second chance.
You want to listen to people that literally abandoned you talk about abandonment? Right!!! Come on. If your son came to you as an adult and said his wife left him for an alpha male as he was just too emotional and soft and not masculine enough.
And she found a man that made her feel like a real woman an alpha man would you then turn around after the tears and therapy he went through when she then turned around and said I’m sorry I’m a loser you were the best thing that ever happened to me that you would say yep go back??? Christ sake.