'AITA for not returning money my ex-husband sent to me mistakenly?'
"AITA for not returning money my ex-husband sent to me mistakenly?"
rare-temp
A few days ago my ex-husband mistakenly transferred two payments of 8700 and 9275. He did this at around 7:40am in the morning and I didn’t notice because I worked a double/night shift and was getting ready for bed.
So my phone was charging on the nightstand. At the same time my 4 children were at my parents and so I planned to sleep away half the day. I guess he realized his mistake around 8:30am and by then I was dead asleep. I woke up at around 4pm to at least a hundred missed calls and maybe 150 texts asking and begging me to sent him back the money.
My initial thoughts were to send it back but then I remember he owed me 12000 and hasn’t payed me back since I lended it to him 4 years ago and he’s had a million excuses why he can’t pay me back and yet I always see him living it up.
I kept the amount he owed me and returned only 5975 and told him I deducted his debt. Since then I’ve had him call me every name in the book because this was apparently money he was saving to buy his girlfriend a engagement ring, the engagement venue etc so according to him he had to tell her.
This then led to it ruining the surprise engagement he planned for the next weekend. His girlfriend has been bad mouthing me and it has caused a bit of a shizz storm with me having to shut down my social media and even his parents who I had a cordial relationship has been impacted by it.
I discussed the situation with a friend and colleague and it was overheard by another colleague and he has called what I did a dhead move and I guess he shared it with a couple of other people and now I’m not to sure anymore on whether I am being a a^%$ole or not. Is this a ahole move?
Edit- The money was loaned to him after our divorce we’ve been divorced for 7 years and I loaned him the money 4 years ago after he had lost his job and fell behind on bills and his rent.
This has nothing to do with his child support payments (of which he is also behind on) and that’s being handled by family court/the child support company. There are texts of him asking for a loan and it included a repayment plan and time but he never stuck to it.
So there’s a legal trail if he ever decided to involve the law but I seriously doubt he would because it would cost way more to sue me and I think I would’ve won in court since I only deducted his debt to me. Yes he is the father of our 4 kids.
Edit 2- Yes I could’ve sued him for the debt but it would’ve cost me way more to hire a lawyer. Suing someone isn’t cheap. Lawyers cost real money and a lawsuit takes real time.
Edit 3- When I say “then I remembered he owed me money” you have to understand I had just woken up after having worked a double shift (I’m a nurse) and I was still kind of exhausted when I woke up, I could barely remember my own name let alone anything else so my initial instinct was just to return the money but I quickly got to my senses!
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to thr OP's post:
buongiornoitaly
To be fair, he has owed you 12000 for 4 years. His priorities should have been clearing his debt and then saving for an engagement ring, especially when he clearly had the money. Also, surely he can find an engagement ring for 6000? NTA, you only kept what you were owed.
rare-temp OP responded:
I think the money also included the cost of the venue and other things for the engagement.
Some points:
• If it was a surprise engagement his girlfriend wouldn't know about it and there'd be no reason he was forced to tell her anything.
• People don't just randomly transfer money around. Where was the money supposed to be going when he accidentally transferred it to you? How did he have the information to transfer directly to your account without you having to do something to complete the transaction?
• You didn't remember a $12,000 debt at first, but then suddenly remembered it later. Is it a legitimate debt that all parties agree on, or is it a debt that only you believe is a debt in the first place? Some people think people owe them something, when in fact they are not owed anything.
• All the people that know the details in a way that aren't filtered through only having your side of the story seem to have a different opinion of the situation than you.
Something is suspect about this story.
rare-temp OP responded:
1- I cant tell you for sure why he told her but I can say that he likes to rile his girlfriend up by telling her all the ways I’ve done him some perceived injustice.
2- I don’t know why he sent me the money. I just know I got it and I’m guessing it was via a online bank transfer
3- I had worked a double shift as a nurse and had just woken up. It took me a minute to remember. To be honest I had kind of given up on clawing back that money because my ex-husband always had an excuse for why he couldn’t repay me
4- I can’t really speak on what he told his girlfriend and his parents. As for the colleague who overheard my conversation well I don’t know why he thinks that way. This is why I’m asking for advice.
Some_Range_9037
OP says he is also behind on his CS, but that it is being handled by family court. This dude has no business dropping almost 18 K on his girlfriend when he is not uphold his commitments to his former wife and children. NTA.
Lyzab77
NTA. Question : the 4 children are his children? I just ask to understand if he took you 12K while you have to take care of his own children, and when he has the money, he uses it for his GF, not for his own children. Just to understand how much A H he is...
EDIT : I read that he is the father of the 4 children. SO he is the winner of the A H of the day (I have my personnal contest everyday on reddit). This guy is able to take 12K to the mother of his children and hope she'll feed them without ? And he considers that it's a priority to buy a ring that price???
You're colleague is probably the same guy, who punish his ex even with children and probably consider that child support shouldn't be paid! Don't listen to him! Not an AH move at all! Keep money! keep YOUR money!
rare-temp OP responded:
Yes he is the father. He’s also behind on child support. His priorities are always himself and whatever new woman he’s with, that is until she’s no longer shiny and new.
Shozurei
NTA. Every time someone calls you out for it, just reply "I did return it. I just deducted the 12k that I loaned him and he's never paid back."