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'AITA for getting mad about being excluded from my fiancé’s family vacation?' UPDATED 4X

'AITA for getting mad about being excluded from my fiancé’s family vacation?' UPDATED 4X


"AITA for getting angry about being excluded from my fiancé’s family vacation after being invited?"

I (20F) have been with my fiancé (20M) "Alan" for 4.5 years. Alan has an older sister "Kristine" (23F), and both parents (FFIL/FMIL). Alan's family likes to go on vacation every/every other year, usually a cruise through touristy islands in NA.

In 2020, before we had even been dating for a year, I was invited on a cruise with them to Puerto Rico, and I (16 then) managed to get all the money together within 2 weeks, but the trip was cancelled due to the pandemic. In 2022, when my fiancé graduated high school, they went on a cruise as a family and I was not invited, and was asked to dogsit for them.

This year is the first year I would be able to go with them. Kristine (currently single) usually has 3-6 month relationships, and her boyfriends have always been welcome on vacations regardless of how long they've been together. This makes me angry, as I have been with Alan for longer than any of them, and yet was still not invited. This brings me to today:

Having talked about a cruise back in November, I just reminded them I would not like for it to be over my bday (late June) and would rather it be in July. They agreed, and since it was a long ways out, we did not mention it again. Apparently (as I found out today), FFIL had booked the tickets in December, but did not include me in the booking (even though I was invited by them directly in November).

Either I pay an extra $2,000 for a room across the ship and find someone else to join, or I don't go. That's kind of where we're at. I am angry that I was asked directly, and was really excited about the trip, but was not included. Alan is conflicted about what to do, and is trying to convince his parents to refund the tickets and rebook it with me included (after I bothered him for 2 hours to fix this).

I would pay for my portion of the trip, which I do not mind (and I expected to do anyways), I just feel extremely disrespected by being asked to join then not being booked because "I didn't badger them enough to remember to add me in".

I didn't even know they had booked the tickets, considering it is still 6 months out, and FFIL/FMIL are not wanting to change their bookings. AITA for being angry at being excluded for this?

What do you think? AITA for being upset about this? Here's what top commenters had to say:

Update #1:

After speaking to FFIL/FMIL, Alan talked to Kristine and asked if she could ask her friends if there was someone to join so I would not be paying the full value of the room (2 beds).

What I did not originally know was that an extra room could be added onto their booking, so we would all still be near each other instead of across the ship like it would be if I booked separately, and their reasoning was “We can’t have an odd number of people because that would be paying for an unused bed.”

I am still conflicted on whether or not I want to actually go, because FFIL/FMIL did not directly tell us when they had booked, and I am hearing all of this secondhand from Alan (The group chat I made in November called “Cruise 2024” sits untouched as of now).

In general they are nice people, and usually a go-with-the-flow type of family, so it was a surprise all of this was booked so far in advance, which is why I hadn’t asked originally for updates.

Update #2:

For those asking, we have been together for 4.5 years, engaged for 4 months. We plan to stay engaged for many years, get our degrees and be in a stable financial situation before fully settling down at 23-24 years old.

Update #3:

To everyone speculating that Alan is part of the reason I was not included in the booking, saying he is not a good person and to leave him: You are hearing 1 situation out of 4.5 years of a relationship.

Not everything is a “break up with them immediately” moment, and while I appreciate your advise, your assumptions are just that: assumptions. You do not know everything about my relationship, nor the relationship he has with his parents.

That is not at all what this post is about. I was asking if MY anger was justified at his PARENTS, nothing about him. Please stop saying to break up with him when you don’t know anything at all about us. He is the one playing middle man here, speaking to his parents about the situation on my behalf, as it’s not my place to confront them.

The 2 hours was was spent trying to get him to figure out what to SAY, not to actually confront them. Poor wording on my part, but still stands that this is not a relationship advice post at all.

Fourth and final update:

To answer similar questions in the comments:

1.) Current booking is FFIL/FMIL in one room, Kristine/Alan in another room. If I and Kristine’s friend were to join, it would be FFIL/FMIL, Kristine/Friend, Alan/Me.

It does not matter who is in what room, just that each person has a paid for spot. This is why they did not book me. As far as rooms with single beds/triple beds, It is more expensive than paying for a double.

2.) As far as I know, you cannot have double occupancy per bed (kind of like sitting in the same seat on a flight). So even though Alan and I would still sleep in the same bed, I would still need one booked for myself.

3.) The group chat was created by me because his parents are technologically challenged, and while it was my idea, it was so his parents could inform us of the bookings and other things to keep us both in the loop.

No one has used the chat since it’s creation in November, hence why neither Alan or I knew the tickets were even booked in the first place. Alan only found out when asking in passing yesterday, his parents did not bring it up.

4.) Alan and I cannot afford our own trip together, as we are both college students, and I cannot pay for an entire trip alone. I do not have enough friends (nor can they pay for it) for me to go on my own vacation separately from his family.

Alan cannot afford to buy a separate booking from his parents on the same cruise either, and his spot is already paid for, so that would just be a waste of money, regardless of the principle it holds.

As for me paying for a single bed room, those are double the price for a double bed room, which I have to split with the friend anyways (this is paying for our spots, not which bed we’ll sleep in; see above on bedding situation). It is the only affordable option for me to join.

5.) About my engagement: There is a ring (don’t know why that matters), and we have been talking about marriage since about 2 years into our relationship. The decision for an extended engagement was a mutual decision, as it is logically the most beneficial outcome.

This way, we have experience living together prior to marriage, we both will have degrees and a stable financial situation before fully settling down.

6.) It is not my place to ask his parents to change their plans on their vacation, which is why Alan is playing middleman. My anger came from their lack of communication: inviting me directly, not booking me, then not saying anything about the booking until Alan happened to ask about it in passing.

7.) Yet again, this is not a relationship advice post. I cannot give you a full 4.5 year backstory on 1 situation, as that is highly unnecessary and way too identifiable. We have been through a lot together (death, hospitalization, addiction recovery, etc), and we will continue to do so. An update will be given in the coming months as we make our decision/any other changes happen to the current situation.

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