'AITA for excluding my brother and his fiancée from my wedding after what they did?'
"AITAH for excluding my brother and his fiancée from my wedding after what they did?"
I got engaged around February of this year and my fiancé and I decided that we should do our wedding the following February. For context he is from Europe and I am from South Africa so we decided to have our wedding in Cape Town where we both reside, to make it easier for my family to travel as they are not wealthy.
Invites sent out to everyone , accommodation and flights booked as we gave everyone a one year notice. My brother and his fiancée have been together for well over a decade. They had no plans to marry and always told us they are focused on buying a house and prioritising finishing their studies. We didn’t think much of it and accepted that everyone does things at their own pace.
Fast forward to September, I get a message from him saying that they want to do their wedding 2 weeks before mine. My fiancé and I were devastated given that we spent a fortune on our 5 day wedding which they are well aware of and puts a strain on our family who do not have capacity to pay for accommodation and flights and taking leave from work to travel to another wedding 2 weeks apart.
I calmly told him that I do not think it’s appropriate given the situation however he laughed at me and said he’s going ahead with it anyway. Fast forward a week later my parents flat out said they would not support his decision and this made him cancel his plan however I am still so hurt for the fact that he would be inconsiderate to his own sister.
I have removed them both out of my wedding as his fiancée was meant to be one of my bridesmaids and he was meant to have a significant role as my sibling but I would rather them just attend and not participate. I feel really guilty and conflicted about this as family will eventually guilt me into including them. AITA?
What do you think? AITA? This is what commenters had to say (+ OP's responses):
ACNHenthusiast22 said:
They’ve been engaged for years and together over a decade. Plenty of time to get married or plan a date that wasn't up your date's a$$. That was an intentional and hurtful decision to spite you for whatever reason. Honestly, I would be reconsidering even letting them come at all. They already literally tried to usurp your wedding. God knows what they’ll actually do at it. NTA.
OP responded:
When they dropped the bomb , in a fit of rage I removed them off the RSVP , but my parents used the typical (oh but that’s your only sibling ) line. Never expected so much drama from someone who was supposed to be your biggest supporter 😢
Mistress_Anissa said:
NTA keep them away. Don't let anyone force you to include them after what they did.
OP responded:
The thing for me is , planning a wedding taught me that women are immediately labelled a bride-zilla as soon as any boundaries are established 😭
ImaginaryAd5712 said:
NTA glad to see that your parents supported you in having them cancel their plans. Usually in these stories the parents say suck it up. I wouldn’t want them in my wedding either. You are being gracious for still inviting them at all.
OP responded:
I was actually quite surprised considering the fact that he has always been my mothers favourite but both my parents were devastated , with my mom actually bawling her eyes out because he didn’t want to budge on changing the date. Eventually my dad stepped in and told him he’s insane and that no one would support this insanity.
ComprehensivePop886 said:
So strange! Why suddenly the rush to get married?
OP responded:
This was the question everyone had. They have been together for over a decade. I have been actively trying to include them in all my plans , but they were less than happy to participate , even though it sucks because you genuinely want your sibling to be with you every step of the way I feel I am justified in keeping my distance.
Minimum_Unit4704 said:
South African here. A wedding taking up a whole few days is quite common here. Our country spent 7 billion on alcohol in a very short period. We are just built different. NTA.
OP responded:
Also , I am of South Asian descent and it is common for our weddings to span over a month long. 5 days was actually quite short for my family lol
AllIzLost said:
Pretend it never happened…you have 5 day wedding? Don’t be surprised if they get married one of those days since everyone will already be together. After being together a decade it should be low key but sounds like bro /fiancée like big boom attention
OP responded:
They actually made a suggestion that he should have it on a weekday before my wedding and that i should cancel one of my events. Uhm …1. Deposit is paid buddy and 2. We would be too exhausted to host 2 weddings in the same week no thanks.
Away_Caterpillar_963 said:
I think his fiancee got in his head. Probably jealous. You're having a big beautiful wedding, and they were dragging their feet for years. Intention of trying to steal the spotlight. I'd hate to think your brother would turn on you like this. Best of luck, you're not the a$$hole, but I can tell you who is.
And OP responded:
This is a lot for me to take in. They have never been nice to me and I don’t even want to fathom how my own sibling could entertain this request from her