"AITA for 'excluding' my ex’s new girlfriend?'
I (29F) am divorced with an 9 year old daughter. My daughter’s father (32M) has been in a relationship with a woman named Stephanie for about 6 months now. She has two younger daughters (ages 4&5).
My ex-husband and I have had many conversations about how to ease my own child into their new “blended family” by making sure that she still has lots of time with her dad, not combining every single special event with the other kids, and keeping lines of communication open.
Overall, the introduction has been positive, but my daughter has mentioned that the younger children can be overwhelming and sometimes annoying. However, despite the conversations, every single special event has been blended, for lack of a better word.
We’re coming up on Halloween and my daughter has trick or treating plans with her best friend and her family. Halloween is my custody time. My ex-husband asked if he could come and bring his new girlfriend and her children.
I said no, as I wanted my daughter to be able to have time with her friend without having the other little kids in tow. They are not officially her siblings in any way, and I feel that she deserves protected time just for her.
My ex husband says that I am purposely excluding his new girlfriend and that I should be more concerned that she doesn’t have many friends or others to go out with on that evening. I feel like that is not my problem and I am advocating for my own child without having her feel like she needs to people please or feel guilty.
I am not asking my daughter her opinion as I do not want her to feel burdened with any guilt. I did also invite them to the Halloween event at her school that same week to help initiate balance. AITA?
Here's what people had to say to OP:
No-Classroom-9939 said:
NTA - as a former 9-year-old (many, many years ago), I would not have wanted to trick-or-treat with 4 & 5 year-olds. That’s when you’re just getting into the pivotal pillowcase-filling candy years and running around the neighborhood with your friends!
It’s awesome you’re doing your best to keep the peace. The ex calling it a “blended family," only 6months into dating this person, is deserving of some side eye…your daughter shouldn’t have to give up her own childhood moments and memories for such a brand new relationship. Way to advocate for her.
elgrn1 said:
Why can't he and his new girlfriend take her kids tricks or treating? Why do you have to be a parent to the 4 of them as well as your own child?
I hate these men who think their ex owes them and their new partner a friendship and blurred boundaries, because of something that's fully in their control to resolve that has nothing to do with the ex.
She doesn't have friends, okay she can make them with other parents of 4 and 5 year old children. None of those parents needs to be you. NTA.
copperfrog42 said:
NTA, also, it’s WAY too soon in their relationship to even introduce the kids. I think you are fine to put your foot down about Halloween. Your ex’s new girlfriend’s social life is not something you need to cater to.
C_Majuscula said:
NTA it’s your custody time this should not even be a topic for discussion.
LongjumpingSnow6986 said:
NTA. You’re prioritizing your kid, which is your job. But also in what world is it your problem that your exes gf doesn’t have friends?
Yavanna83 said:
I have spices older than this relationship in my cupboard, this is not a blended family. Plus even if they were together for a long time and a family, that would still not make it obligatory to include them in your daughter's event. NTA.