'AITA for excluding the only plus-one at our wedding from the family photos?' 'She's PISSED.'
"AITA for excluding the only +1 at our wedding (NEW girlfriend) from the family photos? She’s pissed."
These are the details: Our wedding was 1+ year ago, and very classy, and small- there wasn’t a person there who we aren’t related to by blood or marriage. We decided against +1 guests and instead, put a lot of money into making the night an incredible bonding experience.
Both of our families are from different countries, visiting the US. Our family members who live state-side were also there, and this issue involves one of them. About 1 mo before the wedding, my 3rd cousin started dating a new gf.
A couple of days after I saw the relationship on Facebook I get a call from him, inquiring about “how small” of a wedding it is and I heard a voice in the background ask something along the lines of if anyone on my husband’s side was allowed a +1. He began to ask the same question and I cut him off, letting him know, no.
I reiterated that everyone in attendance from both sides are related by as well as explained why these were our wishes. A few days later, I get a TEXT from my cousin essentially pleading for her to be able to come. Says she will keep a “low profile” and will bring her own food- THESE ARE IMPORTANT DETAILS FOR LATER.
The writing didn’t sound like him - I’m convinced it was her, from his phone. About 4 days after our text interaction, a family member passes away. We were (are) very heartbroken but to cope with the grief, at one point I joked about how “there was room for my cousin's GF now, if she wanted to eat the meal they had chosen."
This is exactly what happened. I don’t know why I exactly came to the decision, but I figured “what’s the worst that can happen” and it would be a good excuse for his GF to meet visiting family members from across the world.
A couple of days before the wedding I reached out to my photographer and asked that she request for the GF to remove herself from frame in the family photos if she felt that it was appropriate for her include herself. These photos are a big deal. I DO request that the photographer get individual shots of us and them, and give them a little mini shoot for fun - I did kind of feel bad.
They ended up with 25+ photos of them together and alone. The day of the wedding, I saw my cousin and GF floating around the ceremony venue. She looked nice, with a large fur shawl covering her entire midsection. I didn’t think about it again. Walking down the aisle, I get a look of the outfit.
It was a Lakers purple Poster girl micro dress, with fishnet cutouts on the side. Later that night, I saw that the plunge went down below her bellybutton. Photo time came, and the photographer sweetly requested for her to move out of frame. I couldn’t tell you if they got a photo of her in the group prior to asking, that’s it. That’s literally, it. AITA?
Here's what top commenters had to say about this one:
Proud_Ad9315 said:
NTA. You were clear about your guest list. It's your wedding, and you should be able to enjoy it how you want.
ballroomdancer13 said:
NTA. The gf sounds mega insecure. She can’t go 1 night or a couple days without seeing the guy? And then to show up in a tacky outfit? That screams “Look at me! I need attention!”
False_Net9650 said:
NTA. She was a new girl friend not a long term girlfriend not fiancé not a wife. She didn’t need to be in family photos.
Ok_Inspector1597 said:
NTA. I would never invite a new partner to an event like that nor would I attend one as a new partner. Everyone knows only long term relationships and married couples in family photos. And I’m sorry, she showed up wearing what? That’s not the makings of a good first impression, yuck.
pixie-ann said:
NTA she sounds trashy, controlling and insecure. You are kinder than me, I wouldn’t let someone who had been dating my cousin for only a month come to the wedding.
alien_overlord_1001 said:
NTA. So this woman showed up wearing something completely inappropriate to your wedding? Yeah I would have kicked her out of the photos as well. Even more so as they have only been dating a few months - if it doesn't last, you have to live with this random person in your wedding photos FOREVER.