'AITA for expecting my ex to move out of my house after she ended things even though she has nowhere to go?'
"AITA for expecting my ex to move out of my house after she ended things even though she has nowhere to go?"
My ex and I were together for about 3 years and lived together for the last year and a half. We live in a condo that I own outright. I bought it a few years ago before we even met.
She quit her job last year to go back to school full time for a graduate program. I supported her through it. Paid for everything. Rent, groceries, utilities, all of it. I also work full time and handle most of the household stuff. Cooking cleaning errands. It's not perfect, but I do my best.
The last few months things got really tense. Her program is demanding and she's been stressed out constantly. She started criticizing everything I did. The way I cleaned wasn't good enough. The meals I made were boring.
I felt like I couldn't do anything right no matter how hard I tried. We had a big blowup a few weeks ago and she ended it. Said she couldn't do this anymore. Honestly I wasn't even that surprised. We hadn't been happy in a while.
But now that were broken up, I told her I think she needs to move out. This is my place. I owned it before her and I'm the only one on the title. I don't think its healthy for either of us to keep living together after a breakup.
She says she has nowhere to go. Her family isn't in a position to take her in and she doesn't have close friends nearby. She used most of her savings on tuition so she's basically broke. She says if I make her leave she'll have to drop out of her program.
I'm thinking of giving her 45 days to figure something out. That's more than legally required. But now she's saying she wants to work things out. That maybe we moved too fast and she was just stressed.
I don't buy it. It feels like she's only saying that because she needs a place to stay. Not because she actually wants to be with me. I don't hate her but I also don't want to live with someone who dumped me and is only backtracking because she's scared. AITA for holding firm on this?
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
She broke up with you in your own place and now wants to work things out because she realized she cant afford to leave lol nah.
NTA. She broke up with you. You are not a free all-inclusive resort. She has to figure it out. Get a job, get a place, go back to graduate school part time. 45 days is nice on your part.
Give her 30 days and document it. She only wants to work it out to use you…you’re her meal ticket…. Your space is not a charity….she can kick rocks.
if you give her x amount of days to live there before kicking her out PLEASE document EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION regarding any of that information. DO NOT DO IT ON A PHONE CALL. i work for an attorney that does a lot of landlord/tenant laws, and some places have strong tenant/squatter rights.
Although she is/was your gf, the law could still see her as a tenant. in the worst case scenario that she refused to move out, it would benefit you greatly to have some of this documented if legal action becomes necessary!! You are NOT the AH!
She should have planned her exit better. Depending on laws where you live you may be required to go through an eviction process if she won’t leave. How harsh you are I guess depends on your level of love and care for her.
Hopefully you’re not so cold that you wouldn’t care if she lived on the streets, but at the same time her entire predicament was created by her. If the only downside is she can’t finish her studies, well, that is entirely the choices she made.
So she thought she'd break up with you and keep living in your home rent free while you waited on her hand and foot? That's not even based in reality! 45 days is generous, STICK TO IT, even if you have to box up her stuff and put it outside the door. Change the locks.
Give her 30 days to GTFO. She made the choice to end the relationship. She doesn't get the benefit of continuing to live in your home. Her buyer's remorse isn't your problem.
NTA - stuff like this should always be discussed before you decide to move in together. You own the place, and if she's not even contributing to household payments then she's a guest who has outstayed her welcome.
Her backing down on the break up is 100% because she doesn't want the hassle of finding somewhere else to live, but she broke up with you, so this is not your responsibility, and the fact that she's surprised by having to move out means she was fully expecting you to continue taking care of everything while she stayed there. Do not back down on this.
so .. she was basically a sahm girlfriend w/o the kids, pets, domestic responsibilities, etc & still somehow managed to be a brat when it came to everything you did for her?
NTA, give her a written 30 day notice & get her packing. if she really wants to work things out, she can work them out while you guys live apart. how convenient that she all of a sudden realizes her mistake now that she’s about to be homeless.
NTA, but if the relationship was good before she started dealing with the stress of her grad program it would be fair to consider at least a handful of sessions of couples counseling. If nothing else, you both might learn why the wheels fell off so you can avoid it in future relationships. Best wishes to you!