'AITA for expecting my roommate to the split costs of our housewarming party?'

"AITA for expecting my roommate to split the costs of our housewarming party?"

My roommate (29F) and I (26F) decided to throw a housewarming party in our apartment this weekend. A few days ago I told her I was thinking it would be good to put in a bulk order for stuff like paper plates, cups, napkins, pizza, maybe some chips and sodas, and she got upset.

She said that providing food was my idea when I sent out the Partiful. After some back and forth she said she would chip in but I needed to run it by her first. We might have had different expectations of what hosting means (for me, hosting means providing food and basic supplies) but I was always under the impression we were joint co-hosts.

It was originally my idea but she agreed and invited her own guests as well. Before I sent out the invite, I wrote up a quick blurb, and sent it to her asking if it was okay/for approval. The invite said food would be provided but to BYOD.

If she had a problem with chipping in for food I would have been fine with taking it out but she okayed the invite. Maybe she assumed because it was "my idea" to include that part I would pay for everything?

As a note, I didn't actually order anything yet, and was planning to discuss with her what to order before actually doing so, since buying whatever I wanted and just hitting her with a bill afterward would be an A-hole move. But she's upset at being asked to pay for anything at all.

I guess I didn't really think it was necessary to be extremely explicit up front about splitting costs or labor and the fact that we are hosting together implied we would split everything together. Like in the same way that I didn't feel like it was necessary to check if she would help with cleaning up or setting up.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

Salt_My_Watermelon said:

NTA I would also assume the costs were split if I was co-hosting. BUT take this as a warning of how things will be going forward with this roommate.

JBW66 said:

She sounds like fun. I’m willing to bet the next day she refuse to tidy up because “her guests didn’t make any mess." Good luck, I hope your lease is month by month. NTA.

throwawayreduction88 said:

NAH. Going forward, clearly communicate costs and check them with her before committing. She might feel like you did a lot of initiating and kept committing her to increasing costs without asking.

shuckyducked said:

NTA. It's a party. What the heck was she expecting to provide? Tap water?

Moose-Live said:

NTA. Tell her that you've realized that you guys have different ideas of what the party should look like, and would she rather do separate parties? If she says no, then tell her that you need to split the costs equally (or by number of guests invited maybe), and that the invitation you both sent out said there would be food.

I'm assuming she forwarded your invitation to her friends. If she says yes, tell your friends that you're rescheduling, agree on dates with your roommate, and carry on from there.

CandylandCanada said:

NTA and yikes. I fear for the future of this cohabiting relationship. The decision to host was made jointly. She invited guests. She approved the invitation. She knew full well how this would go down, but she's trying to weasel her way out of paying for her fair share.