"AITA for expecting to be invited to the wedding?"
I had a friend from a previous job get engaged and asked me for a favor. I left that previous job to work at an upscale hotel. She asked me to get her and her bridesmaids discounted hotel rooms.
I was able to swing about 10 suites for a very decent price compared to what they would normally sell for. Now her and I weren’t as close since I left the previous job we both worked at but we would text frequently, just couldn’t see each other due to conflicting work schedules.
Timeline was honestly pretty rushed, she was engaged and was soon to get married less than 2 months later. The whole thing was expedited since her fiancé was in the military and soon to be on deployment. The way she said it is she couldn’t accompany him unless they were married.
Her and I are talking and I had asked what the theme was for the wedding so I knew what to wear. She awkwardly said I wasn’t invited. I was surprised I wasn’t invited out of at least courtesy for doing her a favor with the wedding block.
She said she just couldn’t afford to include anyone else. It wasn’t a small venue either. Her invite list alone, not including the grooms, was over one hundred, varying from close family, friends, and very distant relatives.
I let her know I didn’t understand since it was such a large, lavish event how she couldn’t squeeze one more person. She said it was impossible and they were at the top of their budget.
I said if that was the case then they would need to find other accommodations for their wedding as I was giving them an extreme discounted rate due to our friendship. Now the bridesmaids are calling me the AH for cancelling their rooms. AITA?
Edit 1: I appreciate all the comments and I can see clearly with the ESH assessment. I want to clarify that if this was a small ceremony with just close family and friends I wouldn’t have been as hurt.
We haven’t been as close as we used to so I wouldn’t have disagreed. The matter of hand though is when it comes to inviting a hundred people, that I wasn’t even considered on the list seems disrespectful.
Edit 2: I’m the general manager of the property, my boss is the owner of many other properties. As long as we exceed our projected revenue for the month then all is well. The rate I was offering was not a standard group rate but significantly lower. About $100 a night for the suites.
Edit 3: After the blow out, I heard from one of my old coworkers that was invited to the wedding that before everything went sideways, the bride was bragging on how much money she was saving with my discount and how it can be put into more expensive decorating, flowers, etc. So not inviting me because of budgeting seemed like a poor excuse after the fact.
Four days later, the OP returned with an update.
Wedding still continued on as planned. From what I heard she ended up having the bridesmaids fundraise their own money for the hotel rooms. A couple of them shared rooms which was not the original plan.
It was at a neighboring competitive hotel so I heard word of mouth from the managers over there. A couple months later she moved with her husband and we had no reason to reconnect. We both moved on. Sorry for no happy ending on this one.
Here’s what people had to say to OP:
Torn between NTA and ESH, going with NTA. Random people don't get to use your work benefits for a discount. Friends and family, sure. She made sure you knew you werent top 100 friends, so why help her out.
Wow yeah, not even in the top 100 friends and askin a huge favor.
I’m surprised by the amount of people who think this is a large number. We had about 100 people, and at least 80 of them were our family: parents, siblings, grandparents, 1st cousins, aunts, uncles, nieces and nephews. We had a lot of extended family (great aunts and distant cousins mostly) who were disappointed they weren’t invited.
I’m going with NTA based on the fact that OP gave her a discount on over $4000. For that much she absolutely could’ve squeezed OP in there. It’s not cool to ask someone for help with the wedding if they’re not invited. We had several people help us in various ways, and they were all invited.
NTA Made me laugh. Where as I think it is incredibly rude to inquire as to an invite, the bride had a huge nerve to ask that big of a favor with zero to offer in return. Karma. Bride was rude and got some rude back. You got some balls girl.
I'm going to say NTA. I feel like you shouldn't have assumed you were invited, but I understand why you did. Her wanting that favor but not inviting you is craazzyyy lol the nerve. Glad you took back your favor.
NTA! She used you and used you good!! I know how low you probably were able to drop those rooms. Expedited my ass!! She was hopping to skate right up to the wedding date with very little communication with you as that’s how it seems to have been progressing.
She really must think you’re a dumb ass to try and use the excuse of over budget when YOUR the one who just saved her a HUGE chunk of change on the motel budget!! Yeah, some friend!
NTA - Play stupid games, get stupid prizes. No one should be asking someone that isn't even invited to the wedding for such a huge favor. She could have used her own discount at the hotel she works at, instead she asked you because you had moved up to a much fancier place.
Even asking you for the favor was an implied invitation, and you should have been invited at that point whether or not you were able to get the discount she wanted. The people that are calling you out are laughable.
They're acting like being invited to the wedding is some huge benefit to you. It's not. You don't get anything for going to a wedding, in fact the only benefit of doing such a big favor is usually that the bride considers that your present instead of expecting you to buy something as well.
But not inviting you was a slap in the face. Pointing out that you're not even in her top hundred people (and the groom's side likely has as many people, so the wedding is already over 200) is rude as hell. I know the price point those suites were likely at, and you saved her thousands to get discounts on 10 suites with very little notice.
She showed you that you aren't a friend, just a contact she thought she could use and then ignore. I'd suggest breaking contact with her, and the next time someone asks you for a "favor" make sure you know exactly what the situation is and whether or not you're invited to the event before you answer.