'AITA for expecting my wife to visit my family for the holidays?'

"AITA for expecting my wife to visit my family for the holidays?"

My wife (32) and I (33) married over 2 years ago and she is still salty about what my parents wore to the wedding. My dad wore jeans with a blazer and my mom wore a Patagonia like vest under a silk shirt that was clearly visible and crocs.

I understand that was definitely not wedding appropriate attire and I did tell them what to wear however having dealt with them my entire life I cannot say I’m surprised. She says she is upset because our wedding photos were not nice to look at and she never framed them.

My dad also yelled at the waiter which was bad yes but she didn’t know until after the wedding and my sister managed to get him under control so it didn’t impact the wedding. We fought about this a few days at the end of the wedding. But it died down and we stopped discussing it partly because my parents live 7 hours away so she never interacted with them after the wedding.

She told me then she wasn’t visiting my family and I took it to mean that year which was fine as the memory was too fresh but she actually meant never. We had our son 8 months ago and she refuses to come to see my parents for the holidays.

I would understand if it was that she wasn’t feeling well but she is feeling amazing because she hiked for hours the previous weekend and wants to go skiing again this season. She basically just doesn’t want to interact with my family. My parents are not easy to deal with. My dad is not friendly and he is bitter from being unaccomplished so that basically has left him with a miserable attitude.

However visiting once a year and sucking it up for a few hours a day when he hasn’t actually blown up or made comments towards my wife beyond at the beginning when he said he doesn’t liking her profession and not to her face doesn’t seem unreasonable for her to dislike him that much.

But she refuses and traveling with a 8 month old is incredibly difficult. She is still breast eeding him but has some frozen milk built up and thinks I should accept her not wanting to visit my parents by either bringing the frozen milk to feed him for a few days or I go alone.

I tried to tell her it is really rude not to at least try to get along and if there is a fight she won’t need to interact with them again but she straight up refuses. I feel like I’m being made the ahole for expecting her to do this but speaking with colleagues and close friends most have family...

They do not like and most do not like their in-laws and still make an effort to at least go once a year but my wife says they ruined her wedding photos so she not visiting them makes them even.

Here's what people had to say to OP:

nerdyconstructiongal said:

So you want to force your wife to take a small baby on a 7 hour car ride and then be mistreated by your parents? What kind of holiday is that? Maybe when they show respect they’ll get some in return. YTA.

Alzaetia said:

You want her to spend her baby's 1st Christmas in a stressful environment, with a clearly unsupportive husband? YTA.

LlaputanLlama said:

YTA -- for next gift giving occasion this year, pay for someone to Photoshop your parents out of the wedding photos and have them printed for her.

castle_waffles said:

YTA. Asking her to spend the holidays with your mess of a family is a bridge too far.

GuessTurbulent9556 said:

YTA. Your wife is dealing with 2 babies at the moment, grow a spine. Your parents were incredibly disrespected of your wife and your marriage by not dressing appropriately. You want your wife to "[visit] once a year and sucking it up for a few hours a day" but your parents couldn't suck it up for your wedding??? Most parents are very happy to dress up for their kids weddings.

"My dad is not friendly and he is bitter from being unaccomplished so that basically has left him with a miserable attitude." Sounds like your wife has the self respect to not be in the presence of someone who makes her uncomfortable. If you want to put up with him that's your choice, she gets to make that choice too.

You have to back your wife dude, that's your family now, your parents are extended family. Your parents shouldn't expect to see her until they apologize for the disrespect & fix their attitudes.

BlatantEgg4314 said:

So, let me make sure I understand. Your parents have shown disrespect for your wife. Traveling with an infant for 7 hours anywhere is "incredibly difficult." You have tried to minimize and belittle her feelings.

What have you and your parents done to try to make an obligatory visit more pleasant and agreeable for your wife? It sounds like you are demanding she make all the sacrifices to avoid being "really rude" to parents who have shown little respect or kindness to your wife. YTA.