Expecting woman bans 'entitled' MIL from visiting hospital after C-section. AITA?
"AITAH for not wanting visitors in the hospital after I give birth?"
I (35F) and my partner (39M) are expecting our first child together. I've been booked in for a C-Section next month coz bubs is HUGE and it is a risk trying to deliver him/her naturally. Onto the issue at hand.
Hubby's mother is hugely entitled. She's in her 60s and usually gets her way with everything because if she doesn't she throws a tantrum. An actual temper tantrum that you would expect from a toddler. The only thing missing from said tantrum is her throwing herself onto the floor.
Anyway, yesterday Hubby told her that we weren't doing visitors at the hospital. Actually what he said was "Wife doesn't want anyone there, so no-one is coming to the hospital" and she lost it. She's been blowing up his phone non stop talking about how I'm disrespecting her as a grandmother by withholding her grandson from her and that she has the right to see him and be there.
She's been calling me rude and disrespectful, saying things about how I'm being disgusting by treating her this way and that she'll just show up anyway because she's not coming to see me so it shouldn't matter.
I get that She's excited to be a grandma for the 5th time over, but this is my FIRST child and I'm having a caesarian. I don't want people there. I don't want anyone there (aside from Hubby).
My own mother has been told not to visit at the hospital and she's fine with respecting my wishes but now his mother is losing the plot and is threatening to not have anything to do with the kid if she's not there to meet him the day that he is born (this is a valid threat for her. She refused to have anything to do with her first grandchild for over a year because she didn't get to meet him the day he was born.).
My response was to tell her to go and jump (in nicer words) but Hubby keeps pressuring me to give her what she wants to keep the peace and honestly, I feel like ass about it.
My family is on my side, his dad doesn't care either way, and he doesn't speak to the rest of his family so they're a non issue. It's just his mother. He keeps bringing up alternate scenarios such as what if she only comes to the nursery not to the hospital room or what if he takes the baby out to see her so that I don't have to see her. It's making me feel like crap.
I don't want anyone there, regardless as to whether they want to see me or not. This is my first child and I want bonding time with him/her. I want time to recover from being sliced open. I want time for my hormones to settle, to get used to breastfeeding, all of the things that new mums have to get used to.
But he's making me feel unreasonable by asking people to stay away from the hospital. It's not like they have to wait months. Assuming everything goes well, we'll be out of the hospital in 3 days. But he's making me feel like crap about it. So I am turning to you, Reddit. AITA for not wanting visitors in the hospital after my c-section?
Here's what top commenters had to say:
LoneStarTexasTornado said:
NTA. He needs to stop trying to find work arounds to appease his mother and instead find work arounds to make damn sure you and his baby are prioritized and respected.
If my mom started calling my husband rude and disrespectful for having reasonable (or unreasonable for that matter) boundaries - we would be having a serious conversation about HER lack of respect for me and my relationship. If keeping the peace with mom is so important, maybe he should be living with her instead of you.
Conditiowdw said:
NTA. You have a husband problem. How long has he been putting his mom above you and your needs? I would say since before you were married. He is a HUGE AH for pressuring you. You are the one giving birth. If he wants to be with his mom that day then tell him to go to her house and you will have someone there who cares about you! Because he doesn’t seem to care about you at all.
He is a Momma’s boy looking for mommy’s approval. As others have probably said tell the nurses as soon as you get to the hospital that you want no visitors and no one can see the baby. If you are sedated after the operation he could try and sneak her in only to have her throw it in your face afterwards.
Deliciouxs said:
NTA, you have every right to have it your way. Your husband should be pampering you and making your life easy and not pandering to his horrible mom. Honestly, if she doesn’t get her way and decides to go no contact with your family, including her grandchild…it won’t be the worst thing. In fact, might be better for you.
south3y said:
NTA. Tell the hospital to keep her out. Blow up at your husband the next time he utters a peep, and tell him that the subject is CLOSED, and that you don't want to hear another word about her. If he or she bothers you again, you will ensure that she NEVER meets her grandson. You need to win this battle, now. If you don't, she'll run right over you for your baby's entire childhood.
cmdoubled said:
NTA. And she behaves like this because people give in to keep the peace. She can wait like the rest of the family.