Wife refuses luxury trip when husband’s father is dying; husband says,'we can't fix him.' AITA?
"AITA for refusing to go on an expensive trip with my partner while his father is dying in the hospital?"
DaisyLight389
I F(30) and my partner M(38) have been in a relationship for 9 years. For the past 4 years it is has been bad. He has been controlling, obsessive, and cruel. I started working in his businesses at the beginning. Now I manage most if it. I started a second online job during the pandemic. I really enjoyed it as it was something truly mine. Everything else in my life involved him.
He and family is very wealthy. They have been kind and supportive of us. They have taken us on many expensive trips over the years. They allowed us to live in their favourite house together while they reside in one of their other houses. They are elderly and have declining health.
I have helped them in many many ways as best I can and am in debt to them. We made a surprise renovation to their favourite house. It is old and in their family for generations. At this time I manage 2 jobs and a full house renovation.
They came back and where surprised and pleased. They also wanted to prepare for a trip to a resort in Egypt. However his father was not feeling well and went to the doctor. There they found he had blocked arteries in his heart and needs an operation.
First they said it was nothing serious. We were worried. We discussed and his mother wants to stay and be with him and for us to go instead of them so they don't waste the money and we deserved it after the restoration. I was hesitant but agreed.
I had already taken many days off from my second job during the renovation. I was not sure if I could have more. The Boss was understanding but let me know he still needs some help with work. So I told him I will try to work from Egypt. However my partner said he does not want to spoil the trip with work.
By the next day they tell us his father is getting worse and needs a complicated and risky operation. He is slowly getting worse and they tell us its a very high risk since he is old and with a weak heart.
So we discussed again and my partner said there is nothing that we can do to change the situation so we will go. His mother seems somewhat okay with this. His brother said it is a family emergency and we must stick together.
I agreed with with him and said its best to stay. So a huge argument starts and my partner blames me for choosing the second job over him. And my concern for his father is a lie. Now he tells me I am the a$$h0l3 for changing my mind at the last minute and wasting a lot of money by insisting we don't go.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
elsie78
Y.T.A for staying in what you recognize is a bad relationship for 4 years, with a controlling and ablative partner. Leave.
Comfortable-Sea-2454
"I F(30) and my partner M(38) have been in a relationship for 9 years. For the past 4 years it is has been bad. He has been controling, obsessive, and cruel. I started working in his businesses at the beginning now I manage most if it. I started a second online job during the pandemic. I really enjoyed it as it was something truly mine. Everything else in my life involved him."
NTA - why are you with someone who is controlling and manipulative? You deserve more than this. And re: working at his company. Make sure you have a contract so that if your relationship goes south you will get severance.
MyCouchPulzOut_IDont
NTA. I'm sure the other comments will address the main reasons why, so allow me to add that a trip to Egypt will be very different for a 30 y/o unmarried woman than for a 38 year old wealthy man.
Remember: It's essential to set boundaries and not overextend yourself, particularly in times of crisis. Your partner is comfortable putting you in danger. Stick to your guns. Focus on your relationship with the family if you really are close with them (hopefully they take your side) and end the relationship.
Yakdonalds
Im not sure why you are posting here. Your question is beside the point when you lead with the fact that you’re in a nine year relationship with a controlling obsessive and cruel person. YTA but to yourself for not treating yourself better. Please consider therapy. You can start by calling the national abuse hotline: 800-799-7233.
YouthNAsia63
Your husband doesn’t want to skip a vacation, even though his elderly and frail dad will have to undergo a complicated and risky surgery. And he has no care about staying to support his mom or be with family-because, hey, the trip is already paid for, let’s not waste the money!
His mother is “whatever” because her husband is in medical peril and she obviously doesn’t want to get into it with her self centered son. Not everybody likes to fight and argue a losing cause, and she has a lot to deal with already.
Wow wow wow. You are a better child to your in-laws than their son is. Let your husband run off to Egypt and have a great time! You can stay to support his family in his stead. NTA for being a decent human being.
The OP responded here:
DaisyLight389
I thank all for the comments, its my second time posting here and should have been more to the point. And not all over the place. With my relationship, my emotions. I felt it was needed to describe as much in detail but maybe it was too much.