"AITA for exploiting a family tragedy?"
Over the weekend, my uncle passed away. I had not seen him in a few years but when I was a child we used to be quite close and I used to be really close to his children. It was obviously upsetting for me to hear.
I put a meeting in with my manager at work to tell them what had happened and explain that I would need time off for the funeral. When I met with my manager she said it was company policy for at least 2 days off for a bereavement but she asked if I thought I would need a bit longer. I said I wasn't sure at the moment and my manager asked if I would prefer two weeks.
I said as long as it is okay with her then yes two weeks would be great and it would allow me to see family before the funeral and have some time after the funeral before returning to work. I mentioned this to my girlfriend and she mentioned that she didn't think I was that upset to need two weeks off and asked if I was holding up okay.
I told her I was upset but not completely broken since me and my uncle hadn't been close in years. She asked if I would be spending the week with family and I told her I'd spend a few days with family but that I'll probably take a couple of days for myself and just stay home and have some time alone.
She accused me of misleading my work to get more time off but I pointed out it was my manager who suggested two weeks, not me. I would have accepted 2 days. She said I was exploiting a family tragedy to get extra annual leave.
I disagreed with her and said it's hardly like I'm using my time off for a holiday and that I shouldn't have to spend it all with family for it to be acceptable but she said what I did what horrible.
AITA for 'exploiting a family tragedy?'
Here's what people had to say to OP:
SigSauerPower320 wrote:
I honestly can't believe this is real. A boss/manager offered an employee TWO WEEKS off?!?!
OP responded:
This is the UK not the US btw.
CompetitiveSail6264 wrote:
NTA. But also I have seen people take more time than they needed for one family issue and then when they unfortunately have another health or family issue come up they have used all the company allowance for these types of concerns- if two weeks is the upper limit I would suggest leaving yourself some leeway by only taking a week off.
OP responded:
The bereavement policy for where I work isn’t a set amount so one use of it wouldn’t affect another.
Ninjahidingintheopen wrote:
NTA. But your gf is assessing whether you two have shared values. If you want to continue to have her respect I'd have a conversation with her about where your values diverge. Personally, if work is kind enough to ask if you need that much time off, then I would only take what I actually needed because I'd want to deal with them fairly and not take advantage of their kindness and empathy.
If work generally takes as much as they can get from you and this is a rare opportunity for time off it might be worth framing it that way to your gf. She likely wants to know that if you're given an inch you don't take a mile.
OP responded:
Taking what your offered isn’t taking advantage.
AngusLynch09 wrote:
Two weeks? Lol, your manager does not what you around.
OP responded:
It’s almost as if some managers can be reasonable.
Sorry you can’t comprehend someone actually being a good manager.
JanusMZeal11 wrote:
NTA. Bereavement is not just for you, its for you supporting your family. So having days where you are supporting yourself alone is needed. Also having additional days to support family, is also needed.
MoneySings wrote:
It's down to your company and you as to the policy. Bereavement for me, is immediate family ie parents, siblings, kids, partner and is two weeks. Special Leave is given for everyone else.
Obviously, there is the ability to flex it ie if your grandparents raised you etc.
Iwillneverletyouknow wrote:
You're NTA, she's probably angry or jealous you're willing to spend time off with others or on your own. But a week off for this particular reason does seem strange when you said it yourself, you weren't that close and 2 days would suffice. You are, in fact, taking regular vacation time using an excuse. Suggested by your manager, which makes it even more odd.
WarHefty9582 wrote:
People grieve in different ways, if you need a week you need a week, if you want a week you want a week. To say "I don't THINK you are sad enough to warrant a week off" is a crazy thing to say to your partner who just lost someone. NTA, but I would take a second look at this relationship.
werdnaxmxc wrote:
NTA, your manager offered you the time and you accepted. You are with a reasonable company, my employer grants two days for a direct family member, sibling, parent, offspring. one day for a grandparent, and only a half day for an aunt/uncle/cousin. I buried 6 last year 1 aunt, 1 cousin and 4 uncles. Taking two weeks each time would be taking advantage of the company.