Teen threatens to use affair blackmail to escape forced visitation with cheating father. AITA? + UPDATE
"AITA for threatening to expose my dad's affair with his wife to get him to stop fighting for me to be at his house?"
I (16M) was 8 when my parents divorced because my dad was cheating on mom with his wife. My dad actually took me to her house a few times to watch her kid so they could cheat. She was married too.
When the affairs got exposed dad and the ex-husband had to do DNA on her kid. The ex was the father but he took off. My mom ended her marriage to dad. I have hated my dad ever since and I hate his wife too.
They got married and had kids together and they tried to make us one happy family. But I never wanted any part of it and life's always hell when I'm around. I don't like or respect either one of them.
They both know it. I will not help them, even if they only want something small and, for the whole time my parents have been broken up, I wanted to live only with my dad.
I was in therapy until a couple of months ago. But it only made me realize how much I want to go no contact with my dad. He always fights for me though. The judge didn't listen to me in court either. Being 16 doesn't give me a say in any of this. And my mom could lose custody if I refused to go to my dad's house.
After court the last time dad told me I needed to forgive and move on. He told me I'm hurting the other kids by making it so clear I don't want to be around the family. I told him I'm not forgiving.
I told him he was nasty to bring me into his affair and his wife was nasty for thinking she was anything to me other than the trash he cheated with. He told me if she's trash he must be too and I said yeah.
Him and his wife both tried after that to change my mind and she told me how much the kids see me as a real brother and would be crushed to know I'm indifferent to them. I told her that was a problem for her and dad to deal with. They told me I don't get to stop going to the house just because I'm angry and dad promised he wouldn't stop fighting.
So I asked them how they'd feel about their coworkers knowing about the affair. They have coworkers over most Friday nights. They have no idea how my dad and his wife met and about the affair.
I told them if dad didn't let me go I'd let the coworkers know and I didn't care if anyone else heard. They told me I couldn't but I told dad I was serious and that's how badly I want to be done with him.
He let me go back home that night and I haven't been there since. But he's complaining to mom about it all the time. She had to mute him because he keep texting her repeatedly. I saw a few and he's saying I went too far trying to expose them like that.
He even got my aunt (his sister) to tell me how I went too far and risked hurting the kids the most and costing them their jobs or whatever. I don't know how that'd work but that's what my aunt said. She told me I should have tried to be more mature about it. AITA?
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA. Kind of sweet for FAFO to come from your 16-year old son. Make sure the new custody arrangement is formalized so your mom doesn't get into trouble. And enjoy your dad-free life.
I agree with this. But also I would be petty and when I turned 18 I would still tell everyone anyway once I knew my mom couldn't get into any trouble regarding custody.
"My aunt told me i should have tried to be more mature about it" - EFF THAT NOISE!!....Tell your aunt or whoever else that you DID try to be mature about it, that you wanted space from your dad for your own mental health, but your dad REFUSED to be mature about it.
Your dad was selfish before, he's selfish now, all he cares about is all he can get for himself, not what's best for you. NTA...stand firm for yourself, proud of you for handling this so well at such a young age.
Remember to do it when you are 18 and legally free from him.
NTA, why should it be a secret how they met? I mean, if there’s nothing to be ashamed about, right? What’s the big deal that a DNA test had to be done on one of her kids, right? They should own their history.
NTA. I don't think your Dad would lose his job just his co workers respect. Also I get the feeling everyone thinks your bluffing but also to afraid to call you on it.
Get in touch with your dad. Tell him you disagree that you went too far: you obviously didn't go far enough, because here he is harassing your mom. All you want is to live with her and for him to leave you alone. Tell him you expect a letter to the judge that HE wants you to live with your mom from now on.
NTA. Your dad and his wife are the perfect couple. Totally indifferent to the hurt that they have already caused you and still expecting you to forgive and forget. Funny how you are the one who has to swallow your totally justified anger for the sake of their younger kids. Aren’t they the adults???
NTA. They didn´t care how they hurted you and her children while they were having the affair. Bringing you to her house to babysit so they could cheat is next level awful human beings. They have zero moral ground to stand on to try to put that one you.