"Am I wrong for exposing my boyfriend after I found out he cheated?"

So, this might be a wild one, but here goes. I (26F) have been dating my boyfriend Matt (28M) for two years. Everything was fine until a few weeks ago when I noticed he’d become super secretive with his phone. Before, he used to leave it out on the table, but recently he’s been taking it everywhere—like even to the bathroom, which seemed odd.

One night, while we were watching a movie, his phone lit up, and I saw a text from “Kelly,” a name I’d never heard him mention. It wasn’t like a “Hey, how’s it going?” message—it was a heart emoji followed by “Can’t wait for tomorrow night.” My stomach dropped, but I kept my cool and didn’t confront him. Instead, I decided to investigate.

I didn’t have his phone password, but I remembered that Matt had synced his texts to his laptop, which he kept in his office. When he went to bed, I snuck in and opened the laptop. Sure enough, there was a whole conversation with Kelly.

Turns out, they’d been going out for a couple of months, and she had NO IDEA he had a girlfriend. He was stringing her along, telling her he was single and even planning a weekend getaway with her soon.

I felt disgusted and hurt, but instead of confronting him immediately, I decided to take a different approach. Matt’s birthday was coming up, and he’d invited a bunch of his friends to celebrate. They’re all super tight, and I’ve become close to a few of them over the years. I couldn’t believe Matt would do this to me, so I figured the best revenge would be exposing him to everyone.

I didn’t want to just air things out in the heat of the moment, so I waited until the party. After we’d all had a few drinks, I gathered everyone for a “birthday toast.” I pulled up my phone and projected it to the TV in his living room. Everyone thought I was about to share a cute photo montage or something. Nope.

Instead, I started scrolling through the messages between Matt and Kelly, reading them out loud. The room went DEAD silent. Matt turned pale, then furious, but I kept going. I finished by saying, “And that’s why this piece of trash isn’t worth anyone’s time, including mine. Happy birthday, Matt.”

His friends were in shock. Some of the girls immediately came over and hugged me, while the guys were stunned. Matt, on the other hand, stormed out, furious that I “ruined his night.” Now, here’s the thing: I feel kinda guilty. Some of his friends have told me I was savage and should’ve confronted him privately, while others said he deserved it for cheating. But part of me wonders if I went too far. So, AITA?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

PermanentUN said:

Why on earth should you have taken his feelings into account? He's lying, cheating, trash. His feelings don't matter.

Allyredhen79 said:

You were savagely awesome! He effed around and found out.. Good on you for making him feel a small part of how humiliated you felt when you read those messages and realised he’d been cheating for months. Obviously, not wrong!! 🙌

rocketmn69_ said:

You should have done 1 better. Send her a message from his laptop. "There's a surprise party that my friends are throwing for my birthday. They don't know that I know about it. I would really love for you to come. Here's the address and time. I'm going to delete from this side.

My friends and I use each other's phones. I don't want them to know that I know, so don't message me in regards to the party. Just show up." Or send her a message, " Hey, I've been thinking, would you be up for a 3-way with my Fiancée and I?

And TumbleweedFull6670 said:

Don’t!!! He’s a loser and will most likely do the same thing to her until he finally “Grows Up “. Take care of yourself!!!!

Six hours after her original post, she shared this update:

Wow, I didn’t expect this to blow up like it did. First off, thank you to everyone who commented, messaged, and offered support. I wanted to give you all an update on how things have been since the “birthday toast incident.”

So, after Matt stormed out of the party, I left too and stayed at a friend’s place for the night. The next day, I was flooded with messages—some from Matt, most from his friends. A lot of people were supportive, but a few told me I was petty for airing everything out in front of everyone.

Matt, predictably, was furious and claimed I “humiliated” him for no reason. He even tried to flip it on me, saying I invaded his privacy by reading his texts, which, sure, I did—but I mean, cheating’s a little worse, don’t you think?

Anyway, I blocked him after a couple of his angry messages, and honestly, I felt a huge weight lift off my shoulders. It wasn’t just about exposing him; it was about reclaiming some of the power I felt like I’d lost during the time he was sneaking around.

As for his friends, most of them have cut him off completely. One of the girls in our group even texted me saying she had a similar situation with an ex, but never had the guts to confront him, let alone in front of everyone.

Apparently, this wasn’t Matt’s first time being shady, and a few of his friends had suspected he wasn’t all that loyal in past relationships but never had proof. Looks like I just confirmed their suspicions in the most dramatic way possible.

Kelly, the girl he was cheating with, I reached out to he and she told me she still loved him and told me to completely cut things off with him so they can be together. she said obviously i wasn’t enough for him, which hurt but yk they deserve each other.

It’s been hard, but I feel like I did the right thing. Sometimes you just have to burn bridges with people who don’t deserve to be in your life, and Matt definitely falls into that category.

Do I feel guilty? A little, but not enough to regret what I did. Cheating is never okay, and I wasn’t going to let him get away with it. Plus, exposing him in front of his friends was probably the only way to really make it hit home for him that actions have consequences.

So, in case anyone’s wondering, no, I’m not getting back with Matt. I did get a std check waiting for results for people that were worried. Thanks again to everyone who shared their thoughts and gave me the courage to keep my head held high through all of this. This week has been quite hard.

QUICK UPDATE:

He has already ended things with her. He reached out to me earlier and expressed his regrets about the situation. He said that he's really sorry and wants to reconcile and get back together with me. It is disgusting.