I 26M have been with my girlfriend, Becca 25F for just over a year now. Becca & her best friend, Cindy 25F, are both also close friends with Mike 30M, who they met in their 1st year of college.
Something about Mike always rubbed me the wrong way. He’s polite enough, but I find he's too hand-sy with the girls. I brought it up to Becca who says Mike is like a protective big brother to them.
Since Mike has been Becca’s friend since she was 18, her family love him, & invite him to family gatherings. That's why I keep quiet, since he’s clearly important to Becca.
At Becca’s sister Bianca’s engagement party, of course Mike was there. While Becca was talking to Bianca, I went outside for some air. It was cold out, so there were only 2 people vaping.
At the side of the house I saw Mike & Cindy making out beside an in the ground solar light. I pulled out my phone & recorded 23 seconds of their make-out session before going back inside.
On the car ride back, I told Becca that someone told me they saw Mike & Cindy kissing outside. She panicked & asked if I had told Stan what I was told. I said no & she was relieved. I asked, You're not surprised? She said, “Of course not. Mike & Cindy have been off & on for years.” My mind reeled since Cindy had only been with Stan for 8 months.
Becca said Mike “understands” Cindy in a way that Stan doesn't. And that she covers for Cindy & Mike because Stan sometimes gets suspicious which is “annoying.” I lost some respect for Becca then.
2 weeks later, I’m at Becca’s place & Cindy calls her. She answers the call on speaker & Cindy announces that she’s pregnant. Becca squeals, takes the phone off speaker, & puts it to her ear.
From my side, I got that Cindy was sure the baby was Mike’s, but she plans to pass it off as Stan’s. When Becca ended the call I asked her why Cindy would lie to Stan about fathering a baby? Becca said that Mike makes more money than Stan.
Side note: Mike owns 3 gyms & has a personal training business. Becca then says Mike wants a kid but doesn’t want any responsibilities, or to deal with “baby mama drama”, so since Cindy & Stan will probably get married anyway, this made sense for everyone.
I was horrified & told Becca that she’s just as bad as Cindy for covering this up. We got into a fight, & I left. Later Becca calls & tells me that I’m being foolish for letting other people’s drama affect our relationship.
I thought we shared the same values, but that she is fine with lying about paternity, sets off alarm bells. I don't see a future, but don’t know if breaking up over “other people’s drama” is the right thing to do.
And I feel for Stan, who doesn’t deserve any of this. I feel too guilty not doing anything. So WIBTA if I somehow “anonymously” sent the video of Mike & Cindy making out to Stan?
russtyy_shackleford
SEND IT - also I’d be suspicious of Becca. If she has no problem lying about this, who even KNOWS what she could be doing to you.
OP
That thought has been running through my head for nearly 3 weeks.
CalligrapherFair9146
NTA. Send that video to Stan ASAP. This isn't just drama - they're trying to trick a guy into raising someone else's kid. That's messed up. Your gf being cool with this fraud shows her true colors. Run dude. Do the right thing and let Stan know. He deserves better.
OP
You're right. I wouldn't have thought that having morals meant I'd be responsible for ending 2 relationships though.
Yesterday I posted about my gf Becca’s best friend Cindy’s plan to lie to Stan, Cindy’s bf, about being the father of her unborn child. And about Becca’s role in going along with the plan, & covering for Cindy.
After reading the comments, I decided that the best thing was to confront Becca & tell her that either Cindy tells Stan the truth, or I will. Since today was Becca’s day off work, I went to her apartment on my lunch break. Cindy was there, so I was able to tell Cindy directly.
All hell broke loose. Cindy was scream-crying, & Becca was just scream-screaming & defending her friend. They both accused me & all men of being hypocrites since we have “bro codes”, but we punish women for loyalty. I left mid screams.
Later at work I was called to go down to the lobby because an “irate” man wants to see me. It was Mike, Cindy’s off & on lover/friend, who is the real father of her unborn child.
As soon as he saw me Mike started yelling that I was a gossipy b*tch for meddling in other people’s lives & what him, Cindy & Becca do is none of my business. He was escorted out & banned from the building by security.
I barely got through work after that. I replayed what he said over & over. “What me, Cindy AND Becca do” What? Was he sleeping with both Becca & Cindy? Separately, or at the same time? Could they be some kind of Throuple?
I went down a rabbit hole & looked him up on social media, which wasn’t hard since Becca tagged him in every pic. Turns out Mike is not 30 but 35 years old. That means he was 28 when he met Becca & Cindy at 18 years old. Could he have manipulated his way into their lives? Into their pants? Could he still be manipulating them now, years later?
When I got home I got a call from a strange number but I didn’t answer. Then that same number started sending me a bunch of texts. It was Stan saying just because I have “outdated” beliefs it was no excuse to “slI_t-shame” his pregnant gf. He’s talking about my “outdated” belief that there would be nothing special about my wedding night if I have unprotected s*x before marriage & so I ALWAYS use protection.
I figured Becca told Cindy, since they share everything & for our 1-year anniversary Becca said we should stop using condoms since she was on birth control, but I refused. Stan was texting insults non stop, so I sent him the video of Mike & Cindy making out.
He finally took a 4 minute text break before texting, “That was at Bianca’s party?” Stan was there & probably remembered their outfits. I texted back “Yes.” Then nothing for 17 minutes before he texted “Thanx”.
30 minutes later Becca started blowing up my phone. I turned it off, but I can hear alerts from my Apple Watch. I’m still reeling from what Mike said & plan to confront Becca about it.
In the meantime I’m so mad I wanna punch something. I’m so hurt I wanna scream. I plan to take tomorrow off work to deal. Thanks to all who offered advice. If requested I’ll update when I calm down & talk to Becca tomorrow.
Don't bother confronting Becca. Just tell her you're done. She already revealed her character. She was eager to help her friend to pass off some 35 year old's child as her BF's. Becca was about to do the same with you. That'd why she wnated to have u protected s3x with you.
That is bottom of the barrel poor character, and you must get that kind of filth out of your life immediately. NTA. Oh and consider a restraining order on Mike. He is a predator and he is angry at you. He already made a scene. I would not out violence past him.
"Punish women for loyalty"??? Cindy was not being loyal to her bf.
Lol, your girlfriend was gonna come at you with a positive pregnancy test next. Let that creep raise his own kids.
Why are you still dating her break it off.
I would just send Becca a text that says, "it seems my outdated beliefs saved me from raising Mike's baby. I hope you have the life you deserve." Then block her.
Since Becca told me off yesterday, I had turned my phone off & was ignoring all calls & texts. But from my Apple Watch I can see notifications. This morning I turned my phone on to respond to a text from Stan.
I called him & he apologized for his blow-up yesterday. He thanked me for sending him the video of Cindy cheating & said he wanted to know everything I knew. After I told him, he said he’d already dumped Cindy but now he wants a pre-natal paternity test.
I didn’t even know you could do that. If the baby’s his then he will support his child, but until the test he wants nothing to do with Cindy. I also returned a call from work & was told the man from yesterday (Mike) was pacing in front the building earlier this morning, but security must have spooked him cause he left before the cops were called.
Without checking her messages I drove to Becca’s & called her from outside saying we need to talk. She agreed. I waited in my car forever before going to her apartment. When Becca opened the door she practically jumped into my arms.
She started saying she was sorry she yelled at me, & it was just her gut reaction to defend her bff, but she doesn’t want to lose me over Cindy’s drama. I practically peeled her off of me & sat on the couch.
I think I was just stalling when I first asked her what the original plan was for Cindy’s baby. How would it benefit Mike to have Stan raise his kid if he himself wanted a child so badly?
She said that Mike didn’t want the full-time responsibility of a kid. So this way he would get to be the “godfather” who spoiled the baby, & he would even pay for the kid’s college later on. Then she said “But that’s no longer the plan since Stan knows everything.” But she quickly said, “Not that I blame you for that.”
She then said now that everything’s out in the open she wants us to get back to normal. I nearly choked at “normal”. I got to it & asked her straight up, are you sleeping with Mike? She looked hurt that I asked that & said No. Of course not. I then asked were you EVER sleeping with him? She looked away. It was a gut punch. I just stood up & left.
She let me leave, but she started blowing up my phone as soon as I drove off. She called non stop & left several voice/text messages. In 1 she says that her “hook-ups” with Cindy & Mike are done for good now & I’m her future.
So that’s 1 question asked & answered. In another message she wants us to move forward & thinks we should try couple’s counseling. I no longer trust her, but I still love her. But I also know that counseling can’t rebuild trust, so it’s definitely over between us.
I finally blocked her on everything & might get a RO on Mike. The only good thing is at least now Stan knows the whole truth. So thank you Reddit for your comments telling me to do the right thing.
cmooneychi26
Run like your hair is on fire.
Fair-Slice-4238
SAVE those voicemails brah.
ed_lv
Staying with Becca and attempting to salvage this trainwreck of a relationship would be the biggest mistake you can make in your life. Run, run away from her, and never speak to her again. You seem to be considering staying with her after this and that would be insane.
Icy_Cardiologist8444
If there was ever a situation where couples counseling would NOT work, it is this one. Becca has gone way too far with this, and her adding in all of the stuff about her, Cindy, and Mike just sealed the deal.
Good on you for being honest with Stan, because he needed at least one person in his life to tell him the truth. You saved that man from at least some of the drama by giving him the background that he didn't have. Now that he knows all of the information, he is able to make an informed decision about where to go from here.
And please do get the RO against Mike. There is something truly wrong with that man. He confronted you at your office, was kicked out by security, and then came back again to pace outside your office? That's Grade A stalker material right there. Honestly, the three of them deserve each other, and you can just let the trash take itself out.