'My ex’s mom thinks I cheated because her son won't tell her what really happened. So I did.' UPDATED

"My ex’s mother thinks that I cheated because her son won’t tell her the truth, I accidentally slipped up with what really happened?"

So a little back story, I (28f) and my ex (29m) were together for 10 years. We have a child together (3y). We split up last year when I had enough of being treated like a maid and having to mother him and not being treated as an equal.

We both work full time, I was working 90hours a fortnight in a high manual labour and with Heavy machinery (I load 18 tonne engines for mine machinery and 40kg boxes for everyday customers), he works in a wire mill feeding wire every 20 minutes into a machine and then sits back down and does 80hour fortnightly.

Our son, who was 1 year old when I started work was going through multiple stages of emotions, sleep regressions and teething. My shift was 5 days 2:30pm and would finish after midnight, I would pick our son up from my mothers in the middle of the night and drive 45 minutes home.

I felt I had to do the most because after I had our son because i worked casual at the beginning after Maternity Leave, when I was casual I started to notice that my ex was coming home later then usual and when I called one afternoon after I cooked dinner he stated he ‘need some down time and was watching planes take off.’

I said okay and that night I had a weird feeling, checked his phone and noticed multiple called to 16 different phone numbers. I became my own private investigator and found they were private escorts! I looked at every single one of their numbers and profiles and felt betrayed and insecure.

I confronted him in the morning where he told me I was overreacting and he was just ‘prank calling them like he did with his friends a couple of times’. I felt uneasy about it but felt I couldn’t push it further without looking crazy. 2 weeks later I had the interview for my current full time job and found out I was pregnant.

We decided that it wasn’t time due to my job changing and ended up medically terminated. He didn’t come with me to the appointment and instead my bestfriend, E, came with me. I took the pills and when I asked my ex to watch our son so I could shower so I could pass and cramp in peace I was told to take our son in the shower with me because it was ‘just easier.'

I felt so small and i didn’t want to fight, I didn’t have the energy.. The second event (2 months after the escort event), he come home from work after night shift and I seen a Snapchat notification pop up on his phone after he fell asleep, I ignored it but felt my gut telling me something else.

I checked and someone had ACCEPTED his quick add request and sent a message along the long of ‘heyyy, where have you been? I miss you’. Again I got shot down and was told that ‘he didn’t know them and it could be someone that confused him for someone else’. Again I kept quiet after being told I was overreacting reacting and I felt like I was now the crazy one..

The third event (3 months after the second event) was when our freshly 18 year old babysitter, who is gorgeous and also a family friend for 10 years (we know her father and all her brothers for years) was over helping watch our son during the busy Christmas period for work.

While she was on the phone to her then boyfriend, my ex thought it was funny to spam her phone and send her NSFW gifs. When I confronted him he told me I wasn’t there and she was on the phone to her partner and was a joke.

There’s a little more before the birth of our son but I didn’t see it properly until I became a mother and my eyes because wide open and not so rose tinted. I started to see the pattern, the behaviour change and I felt it was because I had change both mentally and physically after having a baby. Fast forward to when we split up, I found out that he also had tinder and to quote him it was ‘just to find friends’.

And later found out he was signing up to private escort websites when I was in the shower after taking the termination pills. He laughed at me when I cried because I reminded him of a meme, tried to guilt trip me with our son to stay. Told me I was a bad mother.

After an incident where he was a danger to himself, I called the police and he ended up spending the night in the mental hospital. He told the police that it was my fault because I wanted to leave him and thought after a night in the mental ward that he could just come home and be left alone with our son again with no consequences.

I kicked him out, told him to live with his dad and wasn’t allowed to have our son in his care if he was by himself. He didn’t see what he did wrong. Continued to threaten to have people rock up at my house and possibly put his son in danger, told me he didn’t want anything to do with me or our son, lied to his friends and took my car, threaten to take our son and I’d get visitations.

Had joked about moving across country and not having anything to do with our son, told me I could have my car back if I hooked up with him, got angry when I’d say no, and repeated for 7 months after we first broke up. Today I with my current partner and we’re currently expecting (we have 1 week left).

I’ve been stuck in the hospital for the last 3 weeks due to complications, my sons father and I are 50/50 and due to my situation has agreed to help me by taking him for a extra day. His ex had told him his communication was shocking and to grow up and act like a father to our son instead of trying to control his mother (me). I liked her and I give her props from sticking up for me as well as dodging a bullet when she did.

He half took her advice but we can communicate peacefully for now. Anyways, my exs mother called about if I needed help with her grandson and what time to grab him from my partner at our house, she wanted to also ask a question.

I said sure, she proceeded to say ‘since you and ex haven’t been together for a while I feel I can ask this question now’ and proceed to ask me if me and my partner were DATING BEFORE I SPLIT WITH HER SON! I became livid, said no and slipped up about his tinder and escorts where she gasped and was genuinely shocked because he never told her.

When we first split he had told her we were going to see a relationship therapist?! And we were going to work it out!? And he kept telling her that same sentence until me and my partner were together. I told her to ask her son the truth and hung up, hope they have a good time bonding 😂

P.s. I’m not expecting any advise or anything I just wanted to vent. I’m still finding out so much and if you want updates I can keep you updated, also I have screenshots from most of the events and some of his threats and guilt trips haha

EDIT:

Sorry I didn’t add this into the original post, here’s a little more details on the timeline. We broke up January last year, I started talking to my partner in August and started dating October last year. I fell pregnant in February this year after a faulty rubber. He slept with women 3 weeks after we split.

Commenters shared their advice and insight:

No_Money_7024 said:

Wow that was a lot to take in. Maybe get full custody of your son ?😭Best of luck to you and your family ❤️‍🩹

Far-Worldliness-4796 said:

Damn, I wish you and your current partner the very best. Congratulations on the new baby

RockportAries1971 said:

Holy moly!! He sounds like a total AH!! Please try to get primary custody of your son and for him to have supervised visits. You have documentation that he's unstable and not capable of taking proper care of your son. That in and of itself should help prove to the judge that he's unstable. And please consider getting a protection order against him.

And definitely get cameras. Also, only communicate over emails or texts. That way you have proof of what's said. I know I may sound alarmist but from everything you said I really think it's necessary. Especially since you're expecting a new baby.

By the way ... YAY!! CONGRATULATIONS!! I hope you have a easy delivery and a very healthy and happy baby 😁👶🏻🍼🧸 I'm so happy that you found a loving partner who treats you the way you deserve. I wish y'all all of the happiness in the world 💕🌷🦋

0fluffythe0ferocious said:

The fact that this man decided to act the way he did after you broke up, and it took another ex of his to chew him out for it so he could do right by his kid- and he still couldn't come clean to his mother about his failed relationships!

I wonder what he told her about the ex who broke up with him after you.

OP responded:

He told her that she was always angry and wanted to fight all the time but I honestly think she tried to set boundaries and he didn’t listen and just continued his bad behaviour or ignored her when she asked

OP later shared this update:

My ex's mother ended up calling me back yesterday, apologised for her question prior and asked if I could explain the whole story of why we split up and if this was a pattern. I told her everything, sent screenshots of his behaviour before and after we split up and many more.

I could hear her fight back tears as she quietly whispered ‘I tried to raise him better’ and asked if she could call me back later that afternoon and I said that was fine. Exs mother and father had split when he was in his teens, his father was physically and mentally abusive towards her and she tried so hard to raise him to be a gentleman so I understand her hurting.

She called back later that day, we had a lengthy chat about her son, his behaviour, his sneakiness and the part she’s angry about the most is what he had done with our son in his care. She’s going low contact, Our care arrangement for our son consist mostly of my ex mother helping him during his time and sometimes my mother if they have appointments or work.

Today I called the family lawyer and asked for them to help me obtain full custody of my son, I’ll hear from him on Monday to get the ball rolling. I want to apologize to the commenters and just say thank you for helping me gain the courage to take that step.

I know I should have done so along time ago but I didn’t want to feel ashamed or seen as the ‘mother who doesn’t let the dad see his kid’, I just wanted to do right for my son…