'AITA for telling my ex’s wife that her kids aren’t my problem?'

"AITA for telling my ex’s wife that her kids aren’t my problem?"

I know I’m not the AH for most of this btw. My 40f ex Paul 43m and I were together for ten years, but have been divorced for 5. We have three kids 7m, 9f, and 12m. The reason we divorced is typical, I realized one day that not only was I working FT, I was doing all of the cooking, cleaning, household and kid management while he just worked and sometimes did yard work.

I communicated this, he said he’d work on it, never did, wouldn’t do therapy, so I divorced him because I’d rather have 3 kids than 4. He didn’t fight me on custody and had them EOWE and paid a lot in child support.

A few months after we split, he announced he was engaged to and expecting a baby with Tonya 27f. Yes I got STD tests just in case btw. Tonya was an exotic dancer and currently doesn’t work, they had another kid and she has a kid that’s like 8. My kids do not like being at their father’s house; I Only speak positively about him to them, but they dislike Tonya and her son.

I planned on staying single but a year after the divorce my old friend Bruce moved back to our city and we reconnected as friends, it evolved and we’re now married. He loves my kids and they adore him, our house is quite happy.

After they had their 2nd kid, they sued me for 50/50 custody. I knew it was only so that they could pay less child support, not because Paul suddenly wanted to be a good dad, and I had evidence against them for a few things. He lost custody and now has unsupervised visitation; his child support went up.

A few months later I got a huge promotion and now make quite a bit more than him, but unless he goes back to court they won’t change the amount he owes. It’s not my responsibility to do that, plus in our state you can only ask for a recalculation every two years so they can’t for another year anyways.

Tonya has been trying to talk to me for months, and finally cornered me at my oldest son’s game. She said that they’re struggling and she knows we don’t need the child support, and asked me to please consider her kids.

I simply told her that their child support wasn’t for me, it was for the kids from their father, and her kids were not my problem. I know, mean, but she wouldn’t leave me alone. But now I’m wondering if I should have kept ignoring her because I’ve always tried to at least be civil towards them for my kids’ sake. AITA?

This is what people had to say to OP:

ERVetSurgeon said:

NTA. You nailed it in that the child support is for your KIDS. Keep it and she can go pack sand.

LeoPines_12 said:

NTA at all, your ex is a deadbeat to the kids and chose to have new children for his new wife rather than the ones he already have, and now they just want to pay less. Their kids are not your problem, and like you said, that child support is for the children you and your ex share. Their kids, their problem, not yours.

innernerdgirl said:

Maybe she should pickup some extra shifts at the strip club.

OP responded:

Listen I actually have no problems with strippers, but want to keep my kids away from that stuff. They’re too young. I don’t look down on people doing that, in different life circumstances it could have been me if I didn’t have such a supportive family. I debated including her old job in the post but ended up including it because that’s how she and Paul met.

And Bonnm42 said:

NTA it’s not your problem. Especially Mrs. homewrecker shouldn’t be asking you for ANYTHING, unless it’s to apologize.