My daughter “Amy” F6 is into art. She takes great pride in her drawings, which she spends hours on. She eagerly shows them to anyone in the house. For a 6-year-old, her drawings are incredible and detailed. She draws everything, but my favorites are her drawings of people. She captures an emotion that you can’t describe with words but you know exactly how it feels.
On Thursday, my family and I went to visit my husband’s (“Bob’s”) parents and sister “Pam”. Amy spent the entire week leading up to the trip working on a special drawing to bring.
I was floored when she showed me the finished product. It was a drawing of all seven of us on the beach, surrounded by palm trees with the sun glistening over the ocean. It was the best she had ever done. However, Pam did not agree.
Before I continue, I want to give background. A few years ago, Pam and I got into a really bad argument during a vacation. Bob took my side and we left. We haven’t seen her in three years.
Despite this, we want to patch things up so Kai and Amy can have a good relationship with Bob’s side of the family. Pam said some hurtful things to me, but I have no reason to intentionally make her mad.
Back to the story. Pam is a tad overweight, and since Amy had no reference besides some old photos, and everyone in the drawing is in a swimsuit, her weight is accentuated. Bob’s parents adored the drawing and hung it on the fridge.
But when Pam found it, she asked why “such an awful drawing” was on the fridge. When I pulled Pam aside to ask her not to call my 6-year-old’s art “awful,” she ripped me a new one.
She told me the drawing was offensive and that clearly I must have made my daughter draw it to be petty. We must have been kind of loud because Bob and his parents came in. I tried to explain what happened but Pam kept insisting I brought an “unflattering” drawing of her on purpose.
Bob’s mother then pulled me into another room and told me that even if I didn’t do this purposefully to offend Pam, I should have inspected the drawing before bringing it to make sure it didn’t contain anything Pam was sensitive about.
This is where I could have been the AH. I said, loud enough for Pam to hear, “Why don’t you give me a list of everything she’s insecure about so I know for next time. Should it include her mustache and her saggy chest?” Before Bob’s mother could respond, Bob came into the room and told me I should go pack my things.
In the car, Bob told me I was right and that we need to cut ties with Pam, and there was nothing wrong with bringing the drawing, but that I could have saved us the trip by de-escalating the situation. I told him it was no use if Pam was going to be such a jerk.
Later, I talked to some friends about the situation and I had a couple of friends who were like, you never know what someone is insecure about. A drawing can always bring out their insecurities, so I should be more careful. I really didn’t think a 6-year-old’s drawing could be so offensive, but maybe it is?
I wouldn't give someone an unflattering picture a kid drew of them. Once my daughter put pink dots all over the face of my friend with acne. That stays hidden. It also seems weird you're getting so hyped about a drawing your kid made. We all think our kids are artistic geniuses, but come on.
So is absolutely everyone in this family six years old except Bob? Every one of you sound exhausting except the actual child who, by the way, I would be willing to bet very serious money isn't the budding art prodigy you're making her out to be.
Your SIL wildly overreacted to a kid's drawing, your MIL was silly in her requests, you went nuclear and behaved in a reprehensibly-rude manner, and your husband is going to be left to pick up the pieces of damaged relationships when the obvious solution was to simply tell your MIL you'd figure it out and then ask your husband to deal appropriately with his family. Great job!
ESH (except the 6 year old). You had the moral high ground to absolutely shred Pam for insulting a 6 year old's drawing when speaking to mother in law, instead you resort to a maturity that's probably beneath your 6 year old with random insults. Every adult in that house absolutely sucked for not properly addressing these behaviors.
ESH. Pam for freaking out over a kid’s drawing and you for those very unnecessary last comments. Feel free to torpedo your relationship with your own family but don’t feel entitled to do as such with your husband’s family when it clearly affects him.
YTA. First of all, your kid’s art is so amazing because it’s your kid. Not everyone will love your kid’s art work. Second of all, weight is a very common insecurity. Third of all, you could have easily deescalated the situation in which she was in the wrong by saying “oh I’m so sorry. She didn’t mean to offend you. I’ll give it to your mom and she can figure out somewhere else to put it.”
Instead, you decided to escalate the situation by arguing loudly and then bringing up her other insecurities. Aren’t you an adult? You were acting ridiculously childish over such a simple thing where you had many opportunities to not create a fight. I highly suggest you apologize now because I’m sure your husband misses his sister.
I agree one shouldn't be so sensitive about a 6 year old's drawing. But as soon as you said: "Should it include her mustache and her saggy chest?” you became the bad guy. Now no one will remember how ridiculous it is to be upset over a child's drawing, they'll just remember your uncalled for rudeness. So YTA for that.
I agree one shouldn't be so sensitive about a 6 year old's drawing. But as soon as you said: "Should it include her mustache and her saggy chest?” you became the bad guy. Now no one will remember how ridiculous it is to be upset over a child's drawing, they'll just remember your uncalled for rudeness. So YTA for that.