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'AITA for cutting off my family for leaving on a trip when I was being induced to deliver my stillborn son?'

'AITA for cutting off my family for leaving on a trip when I was being induced to deliver my stillborn son?'

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"AITA for cutting off my family, parents for leaving on a trip when I was being induced to deliver my stillborn son?"

I was 28 weeks pregnant with my second child, my son, when he passed and I had to schedule an induction. My parents were to leave on a trip/cruise the day before. This trip was booked before I even became pregnant.

They told me they couldn’t cancel because they booked this trip with a group of relatives and were worried that these relatives would get lost without them. I acknowledge that I never spoke up to ask them to stay. I didn’t want to beg anyone to be there for me.

My parents were supposed to watch our daughter (7) when it was time for the birth. Since this was sudden and with my parents leaving, we were scrambling to arrange care.

I was in the hospital for three days. My cousins came to visit and my parents called, thanked them for being there for me, explaining that they couldn’t cancel their trip. It felt wrong that my parents were thanking other people for being there for me during the most traumatic time of my life.

Nothing could ever make me get on a flight and leave my daughter if she was going through this. My parents were also posting pictures and videos on social media the entire length of their trip knowing what I was going through back home.

My parents came home from their trip a week before the funeral. I didn’t talk to them at all. I answered one of my mom’s calls and said I’d consider forgiving them if they both apologize.

She said sorry and that her trip was terrible because she lost her luggage; that if she could do it over again she wouldn’t go because of her lost luggage. I told her they’re bad parents and I haven’t picked up another one of her calls since. My dad hasn’t tried to reach out.

Some context: my parents also weren’t here when my daughter was born. They went on a trip which they booked after I was pregnant and left two days before my due date. I had an emergency c-section and complications with that delivery.

I’m the eldest of three and my parents have always treated me differently (worse). My sister is the golden child. This is not to diminish the childhood trauma my siblings experienced on their own.

My sister and her fiancé think I’m being harsh/an AH. They think this “one thing” doesn’t make them bad parents. My sister’s fiancé says he wouldn’t have cancelled a trip.

They don’t think my parents being there for me would’ve made a difference. When I said this is the worst thing my parents have done to me, they disagreed. I felt invalidated by them so I cut them off.

They can’t understand why I’ve cut them off, and say they were questioning me to “understand” my feelings and trying to help me “get over it” by sharing their perspectives. My sister said she likes hearing others’ perspectives and opinions, so I guess I should too? They don’t get how my anger towards my parents is part of my grief.

So AITA for being mad at my parents for not cancelling their trip that was booked well before I was pregnant? AITA for cutting off my sister and her fiancé for voicing their opinions?

Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:

That lost luggage comment was so incredibly cold. You are losing nothing by cutting them out of your life - these people are strangers to you.

DisneyBuckeye

That along with this from the sister and her fiancé.

"When I said this is the worst thing my parents have done to me, they disagreed."

How dare they decide what OP feels is hurtful.

That’s also a weird thing to say in general, especially if you’re trying to downplay others feelings, if this isn’t the worst thing the parents have done to op, what horrific thing was worse?

CaptainBeefy79

NTA. “You lost luggage? OMG, how horrible for you. So sorry I couldn’t be there for you, but I was busy losing a child.”

When I was about 17(49f), my older sister lost her twin boys at 29 weeks. My sister had to go in and be induced as well. My mother and bil went with her to the hospital. I stayed home from school to watch my 2 year old niece. We stepped up as a family. It was a traumatic time for all of us.

My sister and bil owned their own business. I worked after school, weekends, holidays to give my sister as much time off to process and heal. THAT'S what family does! You did nothing wrong protecting yourself and your core family. Your mom, dad, and sister can f off.

You know how I know your mom is a pos? Your mom started telling you how terrible her trip was and that if she knew it was going to be that bad, she would have stayed home. So that means, if the trip was fun...she wouldn't regret her decision. You know how I know your dad is a pos?

You haven't heard from him at all. The both of them can eff right off. PS: The anger at your parents has nothing to do with your grief from the loss of your child. Don't let people say "its just the grief talking". You are grieving the loss of your child AND the loss of your parents. Those are two completely separate things.

I think some people in the comments are kind of missing the perspective here. Let's change the context SLIGHTLY. Let's say that the child had been born happy and healthy initially. Let's say the child had passed away a week later. The grandparents had already booked and paid for a cruise that left the day the baby passed away. Would you be okay with them leaving to go on the cruise then?

I don't think OP HAD to tell her parents that she needed them to be justified that she was hurt that they chose not to be there. I don't think she isn't justified for being deeply hurt because her mom was more upset about her lost luggage than she was that her daughter had just lost a child.

So, what do you think about this one? If you could give the OP any advice here, what would you tell them?

Sources: Reddit
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