I (24M) have been with my fiancée (25F) for six years, and we’re planning to get married in the spring of 2025. My fiancée and my family have always had a strained relationship, but I thought things were improving—until this week.
My sister (26F) and her boyfriend (25M) only visit once or twice a year, so I was excited to see them over the holidays. One evening, my fiancée and I went to my parents’ house for dinner and games.
She had a couple of drinks (I stayed sober to drive) and was a little emotional because we’d recently had to put down her childhood pet. My family was supportive when she shared about it, and the evening seemed to go well.
At one point, she got an email from work, and the conversation briefly turned to what she does for a living (she works in an office). The night ended fine, and we planned to return the next day.
The next morning, as we were heading back to my parents’ house, I got a text from my sister saying they were in my city, (which is over an hour away) Confused, I replied, “WTF? Why would you guys do that?” but got no response. When we got to my parents’ house, I tried calling them—no answer. Finally, I called my sister’s boyfriend, and he answered.
That’s when I learned they had gone to my fiancée’s workplace, questioned her coworkers, and “discovered” that she doesn’t work there (she works in the office, not on the floor).
He (and my family) accused her of lying about her work, why she left her last job, and about her getting hit by a car and told me I shouldn’t marry her. They also wanted me to provide evidence.
To make it worse, I had him on speakerphone, so my fiancé heard everything. I was furious but tried to stay calm. I defended her, hung up, and decided we needed to leave. I went back to my parents’ house, grabbed our things, and left.
Now, we’re at home trying to process everything. I’m beyond upset that my family disrespected my fiancée and crossed such a huge boundary by going to her workplace and harassing her coworkers. I’m thinking about cutting contact with them, but I keep wondering if I’m overreacting. Is this something I should try to do?
If it were me, my wedding invite list would get a whole lot shorter instantly. Not only was that a massive breach of privacy, but it shows a complete lack of trust in BOTH of you. Their actions indicate that they don't trust YOU to protect yourself as an adult.
That they feel they know more about how you should live your life than they do. Time to go completely no contact with your sister, her boyfriend, and any family that has joined in on this bullying behavior.
And finally, I would consider getting in touch with a lawyer to discuss what your legal options are because I doubt this mistreatment will stop when you go no contact. I've seen it far too many times on Reddit where family like this starts ramping it up before they even begin to think of how terrible they're being.
This is weird all around. Probably not a great support system there, hey?
SnooShortcuts3017 (OP)
Her family is amazing, it sucks mine turned out like this.
I apologize for the delay in providing an update, just needed to collect my thoughts. My fiancée and I are still together and moving forward with our plans to get married.
My sister and her boyfriend have gone back home, and they're officially uninvited to the wedding. So now I'm back to searching for a best man. We've also gone no contact with them. I also sent a long text to my parents the day after everything went down, and they never replied.
At this point, I don't even know if they're going to show up to the wedding. In the past, we attempted to set boundaries with my mother (because she's nosy asf), and that greatly upset her, which should have been the first red flag. Unfortunately, my Fiancée did end up losing her position at work, which has been incredibly frustrating.
We haven't told my parents or any other family other than her parents (who have been very supportive through all of this) and I'm not sure if we will for a while, as it would mean talking to them. Thank you to everyone that has been supportive. We're taking things one step at a time and focusing on what's important: each other. Sorry for ending it so cringey.
Thanks for the update. She lost her job because a couple idiots came in asking about her? That seems crazy. Sounds like you’ll have a happier marriage without your family being involved.
I'm baffled as to why they would feel the need to do this in the first place. She told them where she works and they... what? Didn't believe her?
If it's true, I suspect they went over there hoping she would give them a freebie or huge discount, and then went postal when they discovered she wasn't floor staff (if by that OP means shop floor).
The fiance losing her job is wild.
Wonder if that's room for a lawsuit or if there's more to this story we don't know.
I KNOW I would be no contact with ANYONE in my family that thought this was appropriate. I truly cannot wrap my mind around WHY someone would do this.