Dad asks if he's wrong to forbid homophobic wife from meeting daughter's GF.

It's not always easy for parents to like the person who is dating their teenager. But what if their only problem was the person's gender?

When a religious couple had their daughter come out to them, one parent took it way better than the other. And the struggling parent made some not-okay choices, causing the other parent to turn to Reddit for answers. u/lucaslancom writes:

AITA (Am I the as*hole) for telling my wife she will respect our daughter not wanting her to meet her girlfriend because she made it this way ?

So I have a 16-year-old daughter Harley. My wife is extremely extremely religious and is very against anything other than what is written in the Bible. I'm still religious but once Harley arrived, It got me thinking that what if my daughter does something that doesn’t fit into my beliefs?

My wife however is the exact opposite of me. Now the conflict, about a year ago my daughter said that she likes girls l, she told me first and then we sat my wife down and told her the news. She was not happy with it, my wife didn’t say anything to her and just looked disappointed.

I was upset at this, as long as her partners aren’t hurting her in any way, it’s not our place to shame her for that. I told my wife that she cannot try to tear our daughter down because she doesn’t agree, and she is going to have to make a sacrifice for the sake of our daughter and her well-being and to please make her feel supported.

Turns out my wife was going to my daughter, and showing her all of these different dating apps of only men, trying to set her up with guys, “recommended” her to date one of her friends sons, and forced her to go out with him.

She ended up telling my daughter that she was not normal from this and she needs to go to confession, because this is a phase.

This went on for months and I had no idea, she would stop when I was around, my daughter ended up breaking down when I asked her what was going on and told me everything.

To say I was angry would be an understatement, I am furious at my wife, Honestly what she did was so outdated and cruel, to the point that I was not sleeping with her and I was sleeping in the guest bedroom for a while, I couldn’t even look at her.

We went to marriage counseling after this, and my wife hasn’t changed much, she still lets these comments slip, but bites her tongue more I guess.

My daughter got a girlfriend, and she wanted me to meet her. She sat down with both of us and said that she only wanted me to go, and that she didn’t trust my wife enough to not make a comment at this. As I was getting ready my wife was mad about this, saying that she couldn’t believe she could exclude her from this.

I said she shouldn’t be, she’s made our daughter feel this way, and the only way to fix it is to get over her ridiculous homophobia. I told her that she’s letting her religion get in the way of the love for her daughter and in a few more years she’ll be asking why she doesn’t talk to her anymore.

I said until she can show our daughter how much we love and support her, she won’t interfere with this, this is a step forward for our daughter, and she doesn’t get to stomp on that.

My wife started crying and stopped speaking to me, she told our therapist this and he thinks I was wrong because this is what she grew up on, but I think that’s just an excuse for homophobia. My family is also saying I’m an as*hole, so am I?

What do you think? Should OP be more respectful of his wife's religion and upbringing? Or should his wife get with the program and realize that homophobia has no place in a loving family?

Reddit ruled a big ole NTA (not the as*hole) and had some words for mommy...

ohno_spaghetti_o says:

Your wife tried to pimp her own daughter to 'fix her'. Her feelings and religion gives her no right to hurt someone. You are protecting your daughter.

Scumbucket22 writes:

Your wife is just a bigot. I’m a lesbian and I was raised by ppl who made me memorize the Bible….it never actually references being gay. It does reference hate, but I digress.

The famous ‘thou shall not lay with another man’ yadda yadda, is part of a longer portion about conception. It also mentions a man not laying with his wife unless it’s for procreation and procreation only. Sex is meant to be an act involving god to the purpose of procreation.

So every time a man and wife have every laid together and derived any pleasure and not purely been using a means of creating a child is sinning in the eyes of god. That’s the passage that gets bastardize and used against gay people. It’s very thinly veiled hate and your wife either didn’t read the Bible or chooses to ignore it.

Affectionate_Roll279 asks:

NTA!!! Is the therapist also religious? You need to find a new one outside of religion to provide a non-biased point of view. Good on you for supporting your daughter.

And OP responded!

I’m not sure if he is or isn’t, I mean it seems like it, but how do you find out something like that?

And NannyOggsKnickers wants to know:

Has she ever actually apologized to your daughter for trying to force her into dating men? Does she even understand how much danger she actually put your daughter in with that attitude? Lesbians are frequently sexually assaulted by straight men because there's a genuine belief among some people that this will 'cure' them of their homosexuality.

And your wife felt that trying to force her into a heterosexual relationship would fix it all. If your wife hasn't apologized, hasn't actually engaged with LGBT+ literature or support groups, and just keeps going 'well it's soooo difficult for me', then she isn't actually trying, nor is she sorry for what she did.

Parents like your wife are the reason why there's such a high suicide rate and homelessness among LGBT+ youth. She needs to start putting in actual effort to understand your daughter and her feelings, otherwise she's going to find there's a lot more of your daughters life that she gets excluded from.

megamoze adds:

I think what you said to your wife about her waking up one day with her daughter no longer speaking to her is right on the money. I find it ironic that someone can profess this belief in God but then reject their own child. That's the exact opposite of what a supposedly Godly person is supposed to be.

So, there you have it!

Dad's right: if Mom wants to be in her daughter's life, she's going to need to make some serious changes.