'AITA for refusing the take-me-home outfit my father's GF bought for my daughter?'
"AITA for refusing to use the take-me-home outfit my father's girlfriend bought for my daughter?"
TakeMeHomeThrway
I'm pregnant with my second child, a girl due next month.
When my older son was born, my husband and I got him a "take-me-home outfit" to leave the hospital in.
Choosing it became a very special memory for us, and we decided we'd do the same with whatever future children we had. Last month, my father's girlfriend of two years (I'll call her "Betty") presented me with a onesie for my daughter.
She specifically said that she wanted me to use it as the take-me-home outfit. Betty had expressed the desire to buy that outfit three times since I'd announced my pregnancy.
On all of those occasions, I explained that me and my husband wanted to pick it and buy it ourselves, and that choosing the first clothes our daughter would wear at home meant a lot to us both.
When Betty gave me the onesie, she jokingly said she was "saving us the effort." I sincerely thanked Betty, but told her my husband and I still wanted to pick the take-me-home outfit ourselves.
I don't think she took it seriously, as her only reply was that we wouldn't find anything cuter. I'll be honest. I really don't like the outfit she bought. But even if I did, I wouldn't use it as the take-me-home.
My husband and I were really looking forward to getting it ourselves, and even our son wanted to help us choose his sister's "special clothes." A little under two weeks ago, we finally picked the outfit. It's a light yellow one that we fell in love with.
My father and Betty came over for lunch on Saturday. Before they left, my son excitedly showed them the outfit. When Betty asked about the one she'd gifted me, I reminded her that we'd wanted to choose the baby's take-me-home ourselves.
The onesie she got me will be kept with the rest of my daughter's clothes. She didn't say anything. My father called me the next day to tell me I'd made Betty very upset with my "attitude."
He said that she put a lot of care into the outfit she'd picked, and it was petty and inconsiderate of me to dismiss her generosity. Pretty much everyone that knows about this is on my side, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't have my doubts.
I also recently found out the onesie Betty bought was VERY expensive, so maybe that's what's making me doubt myself. That said, I did express how much this meant to me and my husband, and I told her not to buy the outfit several times. AITA?
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
Mother_Tradition_774
NTA. Since the outfit she bought was expensive and its existence is causing drama, I would give it back to your dad’s gf. Maybe she can return it for a full refund or at least store credit. Don’t get me wrong: you’re under no obligation to return it. I just feel that a gift that’s being held over your head like this isn’t a gift worth keeping.
The OP responded here:
TakeMeHomeThrway
That might be the best alternative. I looked it up and it cost around $140 (adjusted for currency). I'm not opposed to the idea of dressing my daughter in it at some point, but keeping it around doesn't seem worth it.
Simple-Status-15
For a newborn outfit? What a waste of money. NTA she should have listened the first time you told her that you and husband pick the outfit. BTW. Do you keep the outfit as a keepsake?
The OP again responded:
TakeMeHomeThrway
I was shocked about the cost too. The store she bought it from is slightly famous around here, and apparently it's popular with influencers. There are even more expensive outfits on their website. Some of them are nice, but I still wouldn't spend that kind of money on them. We've kept our son's take-me-home, and intend to keep our daughter's as well.
whatsmypassword73
NTA, you couldn’t have been more clear, you drew a hard boundary as parents should. Her feelings are immaterial and your Dad is apparently happy to throw you under the bus to keep his girlfriend happy. I don’t care if it was the most expensive outfit in history, it wasn’t her place to assert herself.
Her pole vaulting over a clear boundary is not your problem to solve, her feelings are not yours to manage. How they choose to respond going forward will help clarify how much of a relationship they will have with your children.
BulbasaurRanch
NTA. If Betty wants a child to wear that outfit home, then she best be having a child do so with. It’s not her kid, she doesn’t get to impose her wants onto it. You make the decisions for your child, not her. You clearly communicated your expectations multiple times, but she thought her feelings were more important. Tough lesson for her to learn, I guess.
Every_Caterpillar945
NTA. Look, this is like choosing and gifting someone a wedding dress. No matter the cost of it, but if the bride doesn't like it bc she, obviously, wants to choose her own wedding dress, then she will not wear it, period.
If someone tells you they want to choose themselfs and you disrespect that, then you will have to live with the fact they will not use what you chose for them. I think this goes way deeper with betty than the onsie.
My guess is this was a power move to establish her rights to be the kids grandma. So i would ask your dad if he is sure this is really about the onsie or if its possible his gf feels insecure about the role she will have in your kids lives.
Especially if she was too new or not even around yet when your first was born. I would try to get to the bottom of this before the baby is born. I assum as soon the baby is here and its not clear what her role will be or she can't accept it, she will create some weird situations and this could lead to arguments with your dad and strain your relationship with him.
I'm pretty sure she assums that bc she is with your dad when the baby is born she will automatically get the title of grandma and be as important than your dad. If thats fine for you, all good, but if not you should have a discussion about this.