'Fed up' 21yo installs lock on bedroom door for privacy at parents' house. AITA?

Can you still enforce the 'under my roof, it's my rules' system when your son is over 21-years-old and home from college?

So, when a frustrated college student of legal drinking age decided to consult the moral compass of the internet otherwise known as Reddit's 'Am I the As*hole' about the constant invasions of his privacy going down at his parents' house, people were eager to dive in.

"AITA for installing a doorknob with a lock on my bedroom door after I got fed up with people barging in one too many times??

I [21M] am home for the summer from college. Much of my time I’ve been playing games with friends and hunting for achievements after having been unable to do so thanks to previous workloads, but I also am doing some studying in between along with helping around the house when asked and looking for summer work.

No matter how many times I make it abundantly clear, my family still won’t respect my boundaries. One important one is my bedroom. Even though I’ve said that a closed door is a very visible boundary, my parents, younger brother, and older sister when she comes to visit often just turn open the doorknob and barge in to ask or tell me about some pretty mundane stuff most of the time.

It’s mildly understandable with a slightly ajar or fully open door, but it’s summertime and in the late evenings we let in some cool air. But if they knock and I don’t respond because I have my AirPods in, then they just barge in anyway.

My younger brother is the worst of the bunch. He oftentimes goes into my room to tell me about a mundane story about what happened at high school with his friends, and it’s tiring having to remind him for the billionth time that I simply am not interested.

Sometimes when I was away at college, he would have gone into my room and used something like a notebook I was keeping for notes or my cardioid mic for a therapy session without even asking me on the phone.

He doesn’t even put it back when he’s done, and I’m tired of literally yelling at him to stay out of my room and not touch my s@%t, because I don’t do that to him.

A couple of days ago my brother barged into my room to simply hand me a snack I didn’t even ask for whilst I was playing my game, which I was trying out with some R18+ mods.

My door was closed and I didn’t even realize he was there, and I again told him, don’t randomly barge into my room, dammit. Then yesterday we had a family gathering and my brother proceeded to tell people about the mods I had been using to try and embarrass me.

I was pretty goddamn pissed even though I made up a story on the spot about how I had accidentally joined an R18+ game, which I also told my parents when they asked me about it, and when my brother insisted otherwise I essentially had to gaslight him into thinking he massively misremembered things.

After that I decided I’ve HAD IT. I hauled my a%@ to the bus, went to Lowe’s, bought myself a door knob lock, and swapped it out myself.

Earlier today I had locked my door and later heard it jiggle, then some knocks. It was my brother and I told him that thanks to him I had no choice but to install a lock on my door, which he then told my parents about.

Dad lectured me about how I don’t “modify his house without permission”, to which I shot back that nobody modifies my privacy without permission, and simply put in my earbuds. Since then dad’s blocked my devices from Wi-Fi until we discuss “logistics” of my door lock, and I’ve been using USB tethering since. Am I going insane here?

Here's what the jury of internet strangers had to say about this family conflict...

mynewusername10 said:

NTA for the lock, you're an adult and privacy is a reasonable expectation. However, you are a major ah when it comes to your brother. It's pretty obvious he wants to spend time with you.

Telling him you don't care about what he says and getting mad that he brought you a snack (seriously??) makes you a major one. You mentioned therapy, man I hope he isn't struggling and reaching out to you and you're being like this.

QueenMAb82 said:

It's mid July and he is still just 'looking' for summer work. Not convinced that he is looking very hard around his demanding schedule.

OP doesn't seem to consider that if he moved out to his own apartment, he could do what he wanted without interruption all day - but he will have to pay rent and bills, and do all the chores instead of just some when asked.

But instead, everybody involved in this family is intent on one-upping the immaturity level. ESH.

everellie said:

You are NTA for wanting a door that locks. My eldest son is exactly your age. He loves to game. He wears headphones and can't always hear me call for him. So I text, or knock and enter. His door locks if he wants absolute privacy. He just graduated college and is headed to grad school. He had an internship this summer.

If my kid treated our family with the contempt and disrespect you are showing yours, I might take things away, too. You are the AH for screaming obscenities at your younger siblings. You will be graduating in about a year, right? You should have secured yourself an internship starting in December or so for the summer.

This 'looking for a job,' but not really looking because you're gaming all day is what teenagers do. Set yourself up for success when you graduate. And try to have mature, reasonable, adult conversations with the people who love you, starting with your dad.

It's reasonable to want a lock. It's not reasonable to be an AH to the people who are putting a roof over your head (or just want to spend time with you. That younger brother deserves better than you're giving, too.)

FuelAccurate5066 said:

ESH I understand you want privacy but you should negotiate that with the people who own the space you are using. Angle the monitor away from the door so you can play your hentai mods. Good luck this summer hope you finish school strong.

Realistic_Head4279 said:

You sound like a self-important, self-centered, entitled jerk, so yes, YTA. So glad you're not my older brother.

ElvinodeHans said:

Privacy is one thing but God you sound insufferable Your sibling is trying to be social because he respect/enjoy your company. But you would rather be spending time playing video games bravo.

So, there you have it...

While the opinions were fairly mixed for this one, most people agreed that he isn't wrong to want privacy at his parents' house, but he should definitely be nicer to his brother. Quality time with family members is precious, especially when he's away in college for most of the year. Good luck, everyone!