'My fiancé demands I buy a NEW house for us, but I want her to move into my current house.' AITA?

"AITA my fiancé demands I buy a new house for us, I want her to move into my current house?"

My (37f) fiancé is insisting that we buy a new house before she moves in with me. We're in our late 30s and have been together for about 3 years. We don't have kids. Some background: She works from home, I work in an office about 10 minutes from my house. She currently lives with her family.

We live in a high cost of living area, I run a family business that my mom technically owns, my father passed away a few years ago. I have a house that my family owns that we can live in rent free with me and my mom on the title.

When we first got together she assumed I had the money to buy a house myself but once we had a conversation about it learned that it was with the help of my family. It wasn't my intention to mislead her about that but she felt misled and upset so I apologized.

I assumed she would happily move into my house as we start to build our lives and eventually upgrade but that wasn't the case as she refuses to move into this house. My current house is about 40 minutes away from her family, the new neighborhood we're looking to upgrade to would be about 30 minutes away.

We currently can't afford a house similar to the empty one as they go for above our budget where we live. I'm asking her to come live in a house we can live in rent free that will eventually be inherited and save in the meantime to eventually sell and upgrade.

She's strongly against this and demands we purchase a new house with the help of my family since we can't afford it on our own. The new house will put financial strain on us.

We can afford a small condo on our own if we pool our funds, but she's not willing to do that because in her words "that wasn't our agreement to begin with." She says I'm too tied financially to my family (which is fair) and I wish I could provide more but this is what have to offer at the moment.

She's worried that my mom would have too much power over us financially and could wield it to cause us problems. For the record my mom is the sweetest kindest woman who has never been anything but incredibly supportive, helped me pay for college and my first apartment in my 20's and never asked for a penny back.

In my view we're extremely lucky to be in a situation where we can get help to get housing and we should be thankful instead of demanding more and straining ourselves financially. AITA for finding this attitude unrealistic and asking her to move into the current house so we can save?

Here's what people had to say to OP:

ScarletNotThatOne said:

She doesn't want your mom to have too much power over you, because *she* wants to be the one to have too much power over you. She wants you to put in your own money, plus borrow money from your family, to buy a house with her name on the deed. Right? NTA for refusing to get in over your head financially. Yet she is insisting. IMO she's not good for you.

Adorable_Click9074 said:

NTA. She "demands we purchase a new house with the help of my family since we can't afford it on our own" and yet she says you are "too tied financially to my family" and is "worried that my mom would have too much over over us financially," She is not the sharpest tool in the shed.

Also, she doesn't want to pool her funds (of COURSE she doesn't) to buy a small condo. Your post has "gold digger" written all over it. Is the sex really THAT great? You might think so now but, buddy, you are going to be paying for it big time for the rest of your married life.

No_Jaguar67 said:

NTA. I’m not saying she’s a gold digger but sis is a gold digger. Don’t put nothing in her name and be sure to keep finances separate. Get a prenup.

Several_Dig_4346 said:

You're NTA as the situation currently stands, but YTA to yourself if you don't see the writing on the wall and dump her. This one is going to be trying to manipulate you to spend money you can't afford for the rest of your lives if you proceed. Go find a higher-quality partner whose values are more in line with yours.

kiwimuz said:

NTA. Time to read the big red flag and get out of the relationship. Differences in financial outlook only continue to escalate the longer the relationship goes on.

666POD said:

NTA. Why buy another place when you can live rent free and save and invest your money? Your current living situation is a dream. She seems very entitled and concerned about how to spend your money. Unless she’s willing to go half on the down payment and mortgage I wouldn’t buy a home with her. She’s going to walk away with half your house AND the family business.