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'My fiancé called me by his assistant's name in bed and I don't know what to do.' UPDATED 2X

'My fiancé called me by his assistant's name in bed and I don't know what to do.' UPDATED 2X

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"My (F27) soon to be husband (M28) called me by his assistant's name in bed."

My SO and I have been high school sweethearts and we are due to get married this year. We just have a chemistry that works extremely well and always did. I love him very much and I know he loves me too, but with what he did recently I am having extreme doubts about his faithfulness.

We are trying to get pregnant and when were in bed a few days ago he called me by his assistant's name. He immediately got up and apologized and seemed extremely shocked. I was shocked too. After that, he has been very apologetic and seemed genuinely remorseful, but I am having difficulty coming around to forgiving him.

The way he said it too came across as he was thinking about her. The only other person I have told about this is my mom and dad, and she thinks that my BF has or currently sleeps with his assistant and that his tongue slipped up.

I am having doubts because now everything looks suspicious to me. He goes to Dallas once every 2 weeks and his assistant accompanies him. Those are work trips and are paid for by his company but those are starting to look suspicious to me now.

Three months ago I got laid off from work and he asked me if I want I could stay at home since we are trying to have a child and I could be a stay at home mother. Now I don't know if I should depend on him or try to get a job or not. My life is just filled with confusion all of a sudden.

Honestly, I didn't think he would ever cheat on me, but I can't think of a reason why someone would say someone else's name like that. His explanation is that he was thinking about work and that is why his assistant's name slipped up.

He has tried to fix things, but they don't seem enough for some reason. He told me if I want I can go through his phone or his computer and I did but I did not find anything. I want to trust him, I really do but it feels foolish to me to do so now.

My mum thinks he is 100% cheating while my dad agrees he also thinks that it could be a mistake and I should make sure before I end the relationship. He does think that I should 100% be mad at him even if it was a slip-up. I don't know what to do with us being so close to getting married. Advice, please?

Here's what people had to say to OP regarding the initial post and request for advice:

[deleted]

I don’t know if he’s cheating, but damn. I don’t know if I could get past that.

OP responded:

I'm having difficulty too.

Blade_982

Stop trying to get pregnant and get a job. Do not let yourself be dependent on him right now.

Dr_NDB

Well i can tell for sure that if he works with college alot it can happen. Do this and that "Jessica," did you send reports "Jessica"? When you do this all day it can come out automatically...I've seen it by myself.

Sometimes my college names his GF in name of our girl college. It can happen! When you ware little you probably called school teacher as mom, no? Talk things out with him... tell that its bugging you a lot

UnableSnow5924

Use your own money and you should surprise him in Dallas on his next trip.

OP responded:

He is supposed to leave tonight. I can visit him tomorrow since I have time.

UnableSnow5924

Well I would show up after work at his apartment and see if his assistant is actually staying in a hotel.

OP responded:

Yea I just booked a ticket. I won't mind spending a day or two in Dallas myself if everything is like he says it is.

OwnBrother2559

Do you have keys to the apartment? I’d go there, hang out, and wait for him to get home. You know, for a surprise….

OP responded:

I don't have the keys to that apartment. I can visit him at night time. He should be home alone at that time.

3 weeks later OP posted this update:

A lot to unwrap here but I'll start by thanking those who decided to try to help me out here.

He came from the last trip and when he went again I decided to go then. When I went to his apartment I found her there along with some other people. His co-workers were all planning to go out.

I did make up a story why I was there to make sure he wasn't embarrassed in front of his co-workers because I stormed in his apartment and I think that worked. They all went out and after that. He stayed back and we had a fight because according to him I just humiliated him in front of his colleagues.

Right now things are tense between us. He stayed back in Dallas saying he needs some space and we haven't talked after that. I don't know if I was trying to catch in the act or not but it didn't work out and now I feel a hundred times worse.

I regret telling my mum about this because she sent a vn to him and told him to stop being a baby and nothing would've happened if didn't say another woman's name. He sent me the vn my mum sent him. I did confront my mum about this and she did apologize to him.

Now I feel like maybe it was an honest mistake on his part and that I blew it out of proportion. Waiting on him to come back so we can talk it out and fix this and move forward. Just a little update. Things didn't go well like I wanted to.

Edit 1:

Forgot to mention my bf told me that he told his assistant about this and she made the same mistake a while back with her fling because they refer to each other a lot.

Update 2 a little later that day:

He left his mac at home so I decided to see if he was talking to her or not. I just opened his whatsapp and he is not talking to her but his friends all telling him to break up with me. Like I didn't even do anything drastic. His chat with his assistant is work related but I am disturbed by what his friends take. Looks like a break up is about to happen. I let him break up with me because I think I'd get closure that way.

Reading his chat for a while and the last thing he said was "I'll end it when I see her next." So its over pretty much .

Here's what people had to say to OP after her update:

[deleted]

I feel like the fact that he told his assistant about this is more of a red flag than literally any other part about this. Who tells their coworkers about personal things like this with their SO...ESPECIALLY if it involved that person in some way and is causing a problem in the relationship.

galacticbees

girl…. leave him.

The-Clumsy-Pirate

Did the assistant have any reaction to seeing you? Was she cold or surprised or anything? Honestly, this could be a harmless slip on his end, but I would do my diligence before the wedding. No matter how angry he gets. Divorces are so much harder than breakups.

If you're trying to set the record straight before moving forward, he shouldn't be resistant about it. It was him who said another woman's name in bed, you didn't start any of it

OP responded:

Everyone was a little surprised to see me there tbh, not just her. My partner was surprised too. We aren't getting married. We are no longer engaged. Probably in the future.

He is a pretty straight forward guy himself. Either he'll end it or be okay with it. Things are bad rn and I'm gonna give him time and let him come and talk to me.

Sources: Reddit
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