'How dare you!' Bride postpones wedding after groom demands late wife's surgery money back. AITA?
"AITA: for postponing the wedding when my fiancé was demanding to be paid back the money he paid for his late wife's surgery?"
I F have been with my fiancé M (Jake) for over a year. His late wife died from illness. We were supposed to be in the middle of wedding planning but something came up and I had to postpone as a response.
Jake told me he gave people money and that once they paid him back, we'll go on a honeymoon. So I understood why he needed the money. It turns out the people who owed him were his ex in-laws, the money was for his late wife's surgery.
I was stunned. I overheard him argue with one of the ex in-laws and he (ex father in law) was telling Jake that he shouldn't expect the money that he willingly spent on his late wife's surgery back. Jake went on about how much he helped already and that he wanted the money back.
I was shocked. I tried to speak to him about it snd he got defensive. I flat-out told him he had no right to demand the money he paid for his late wife's surgery back, and that it was disrespectful not just to ex in-laws but to her memory.
He looked at me shocked and said that I was being judgmental. From what I understand, his late wife was staying at home and took care of the house. I feel like it's unfair that he demands the money back. He got upset and said that of course he had every right and told me to stay out of it.
We argued loudly and I ended up telling him I'd postpone the wedding since this is how he's behaving. He stormed out and tried to get his friends involved hopefully "to talk some sense into me".
I decided to go stay with mom for few days. My mom says I shouldn't have got involved in this matter and escalated to the point that I postpone. I want to know if I'm overstepping here and wether I've made the wrong decision.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
NTA.
Why would you marry this dude after seeing this?
My thoughts. If OP gets sick with Cancer and is off work will he demand the money from her parents? Or is it only because his first wife died he now sees it as a poor investment and wants it back...? Either way she was his wife.
In sickness and in health for richer or poorer. Sounds like he paid, she died and now he expects to be reimbursed from supporting his wife as you're supposed to support your partner. this has to be rage bait lol.
You make valid points and it speaks to his character and your expectations. NTA.
Oh, no, don't postpone the wedding over something like that!
Cancel it.
NTA.
NTA. If he has no problem doing this to her family, he would do it to yours. I wouldn't marry someone who is so callous. What kind of husband does that make? What kind of FATHER does that make? He is not a prize by any stretch after that move.
If that’s how he treats marriage vows, why would you take vows with him? NTA.
NTA - unless there is more to the story, his wife's surgery was his responsibility in the first place! Why would he expect his in-laws to pay? Maybe they offered to help pay at the time and now he feels entitled? But yeah, OP this is not a good look as far as his character goes.
NTA. You have a more caring heart about your fiancé's late wife than he does. Good on you for speaking up. His attitude about the money speaks to his character, and what it says isn't flattering at all.
He is a disgustingly selfish and immoral almost cruel human being. This is your future if u choose to marry him.
When he married his wife, and let her be a stay at home wife, she became his financial responsibility. His late wife’s family doesn’t owe him anything. When he put that ring on her finger, he automatically became her next of kin, and responsible for her medical bills.
Don’t marry him. Your family may end up “owing” him for you having an issue one day. NTA. Cancel the wedding. He’s not good husband material.
YIKES!!! Extorting money from the dead wife's parents is psychopathic! What a monster! You are absolutely NOT wrong about any of this. THIS is behaviour TO BE JUDGED! And to keep far away from. NTA.
NTA. Did her family agree to pay in advance of the surgery or something? Did she die as a result ? He is a walking red flag. Run.
ExampleUnique7307 (OP)
I don't know so I can't answer the question. He told me she died 2 weeks after the surgery.
NTA, asking for money back for a late spouse's surgery feels like a slap in the face... it's not just about the cash. How does someone think that's okay to even bring up?
What stands out to me is that he currently owes people money. It sounds like he might be in a really bad desperate place, and is doing unusual stuff to try to get money. Sounds like he's involved with illegal activities.
NTA. There is something wrong with this guy. And you should not stick around to find out what it is. Cancel the wedding and don't look back.
NTA. I'd be shocked, too, at this window into his character. I can't imagine the utter gall of haranguing the surviving parents of a dead wife for a refund for her medical expenses. Now you know what he'll be like if things go from "better to worse." Ball's in your court as to what you want to do with this information.
NTA - When someone shows you who they are, believe them! When you marry someone, you become their next of kin, over their parents and siblings. You vow to take care of them in sickness and in health.
Part of that is to take care of them monetarily, especially if they are a stay at home spouse. This includes medical bills. This “man” thinks her parents are more responsible for his late WIFE’s medical bills than he is? He is delusional.
I guarantee you, if you marry this man and start a family with him he’ll be one of those guys that says the bills for you birthing HIS child are your responsibility, especially if you do something frivolous like get an epidural or have an emergency c-section. This man does not know what it means to be a husband. Don’t just postpone the wedding, dump the whole dude and the audacity he rode in on.