"AITA? My fiancé used a laundry detergent I might be allergic to, so I changed my will."

My fiancé and I recently bought a house together, we got basic things from his family, as house warming gifts. His grandmother gifted us a huge package of laundry detergent. Now here is where the problem starts: I am and I used to be highly allergic to most laundry detergents.

I am not talking about some uncomfortable itchiness or whatever, but vomiting, diarrhea, losing my eyesight temporarily and at the end my consciousness. I have been hospitalized for this multiple times already.

We are using 2 brands, I am not allergic against. He keeps complaining, that they don't smell that good. Which might be true, they aren't really fragrant and I know he used to drown his clothes in fabric softener, to make them smell nice.

I offered to slowly start trying new laundry detergents, because he keeps complaining and those two aren't easily accessible in his home country, but definitely not in the foreseeable future, as I am 8 months pregnant and very afraid of the possible consequences. (We still have more than enough, of the safe ones.)

He agreed and I thought the topic was done, but then his brother gifted us babyclothes, my fiancé kept commenting how good they smelled and how badly he wants our clothes to smell like this.

I sorted through them and after I was around halfway done, I noticed, that I felt kinda off, my hands felt weird, my body felt wrong, so I washed every bodypart that touched those clothes and refused to touch them without gloves. (My fiancé bought them for me!!!) So he definitely knows, that I am still allergic to some detergents.

Well, he still decided to use the gifted laundry detergent on our towels, I didn't notice until I started folding them and putting them away. My hands started to get hot and kind of numb/itchy. At first I was afraid that I am now allergic against one of the safe ones, until I noticed the gifted one was opened and kind of shoved into a corner. Our other two are also opened and readily available, I just don't get it.

I texted him and asked, if he used the gifted laundry detergent for anything. He said "yes, what's the big deal?" I told him that that's not funny and he is potentially playing with the life of our unborn son and mine and why he thought, that now of all times, is the right time to test my allergy again. He called me a drama queen and ignored me after. So I changed my will.

My fiancé gets nothing now, neither my part of the house nor my other assets. Everything goes to my son, with my family as trustees, until he is of age. If something were to happen to both my son and me, my cousins will be the sole inheritors. My fiancé was originally meant to be the trustee, with different guidelines, to make my sons life and his pretty comfortable.

I trashed the old will, sent the new version to my lawyer, to make him look over it and plan to get it to a notary as soon as possible.

English isn't my first language, so excuse any mistakes + the funny formatting, please.

What do you think? AITA for changing her will? This is what top commenters had to say:

Id_rather_be_sewing said:

Are you sure you want to marry this person?

OP responded:

Honestly? I am not quite sure atm. He changed completely after I got pregnant. He used to take safe sheets and blankets to friends, so I could sleep there, without worrying :(

Beneficial_Bat_5656 said:

OP. Is the bar so low that you would put yourself in danger because it is an inconvenience to fiance? My mother is highly allergic to certain fragrences in detergents. My father didn't know / frogot when he picked one up. Used it, she had bad reaction. He felt bad and gave the detergent away then went and got something she wasn't allergic to.

His response was to fix it so his wife was not hurting. Yours is treating you as an inconvenience for as something as little as laundry soap. Fiance won't put in the effort to not do something that hurts you. Does grandma know you are allergic?

OP responded:

She doesn't, if she would have known, she probably wouldn't have given it to us. She gave us lots of cleaning stuff in general, so laundry detergent fits right in. His mother knows though, but I don't think she knows exactly what I am not allergic against and figured her son would handle it, if its something harmful to me

Maleficent_Virus_556 said:

Girl what’s the matter with you. The answer isn’t to stick around and plan for your own death. You leave that relationship and get away from him before he harms you and your baby. Don’t you have any survival instincts?

And DanuBanatee said:

Even if he isn't trying to hurt you, he doesn't care if he does. That alone should make you end the relationship.

A few weeks later, she shared this update:

Hey! It's been a while and I wanted to give you all an update. tldr: He kept doing mean things, our animals don't seem to like him that much anymore, I gave the ring back, my car is not working, I want home, at least he got rid of the laundry detergent.

Honestly a lot has happened. I had a rather uneventful conversation with him, after he returned home. He justified his usage of the laundry detergent with the presence of cleaning towels in between the normal towels. I asked him how that matters, well, apparently it's because I wasn't going to dry myself with those?

I wasn't satisfied with that answer and asked about the normal towels, as there were only two for cleaning and over 10 normal ones and how the smell of cleaning towels is even relevant, because like he said, they are for cleaning. He didn't answer and started ignoring me. That was answer enough for me though, I knew it was bs, but Idk, I had kinda hoped for a better excuse?

I was kind of withdrawn from him, at this point and decided to watch his behavior towards me, to figure out what was going on. I thought that I might get an answer somehow, somewhere. Because he was my bestfriend and I just didn't want to believe that I mattered that litte to him.

The next incident happened soon after though, I was carrying back a rather heavy drawer (I had to deepclean it, mealworms escaped the enclosure, I am using them as food for my spider) As the drawer was so heavy, I struggled a lot, but he was busy working on some shelf. I asked him, if he could help me, but he didn't react.

So I asked him, where I should put the drawer, as he was sitting in front of the shelf-thingie, where it belongs. He told me to just put it on the floor, so I did. What I didn't see in time though, was my Kärcher. I put the drawer on the vacuum tube. Nothing broke and even if, it's mine, he wasn't using it atm or anything. It was just laying in the middle of the room. He lost his sh!t.

He asked me, if I can't even use my "one braincell" and other stuff implying I am dumb. That hurt. More than I would like to admit, I started silently crying and went to the living room. He followed me quite some time later, got upset with me, because I was still sad and said it was just a joke. I told him I didn't find it funny and it hurt me, if he could just apologize, please.

Spoiler: He did not. Just said it was a joke and we haven't had an argument before, so he didn't say it out of spite, but in a joking manner???

I wish I could say it stopped there, but I fell and had mild cramps + bloody knee. I called him on the phone, because I don't have any friends in this country yet and he was the only one available + I knew his boss would let him go, as he is a very kind man and he was supposed to end his workday 30 minutes from then anyway.

That's what he had told me at least. I called him, he didn't pick up. I texted him, he didn't read my messages. He came home an hour late from "work". He wasn't at work, he was visiting a friend, whom he gave the laundry detergent to.

He helped me, but even a stranger would have been kinder and told me to just lay down, as I am too dumb to walk, endangering our sons life. I just wanted to take a nap and layed down on the couch, as its way closer than the bedroom. He started to vacuum the house (I did it yesterday + mopped the floor, so there wasn't a lot)

But he spend 40+ minutes vacuuming right next to me, walking in circles, cleaning the same spots over and over. Mumbling how I didn't clean today and how I am such a messy person. Yes, I do like to leave my shirt occasionally on a chair, but I've cleaned everyday, since I've been on maternity leave and before that too. I would be comfortable with visitors at any given hour.

After he finished vacuuming he asked me about some mop-parts, his grandmother put in our house WEEKS ago. Asking me what I am doing with them? (I still don't understand what he meant by that) I told him his gm put them next to the vaccumcleaner.

So much to "I never clean and can't do anything right" if he would have ever decided to vacuum in the last weeks, he would have noticed them. But he decided to vacuum, while I was doing badly and just needed a nap.

He just doesn't like me anymore. I am heartbroken to say that. But he truly doesn't. At least our cat and dog have picked up on that. Our cat keeps his distance from him now, doesn't want to be pet and bites/scratches him, when he tries to cuddle with him. My beloved dog keeps himself between me and him, follows me around and tries to avoid him.

While he still wags his tail, when he comes home, it's just not the same. I don't know how to describe it, but I don't recognize him anymore, the animals can feel his anger too. He looks at me with such contempt and is very mean towards me. I thought he would be my forever. But he won't be.

He is punching our walls, he is hiding his phone. I am sad and tired. I don't even have the energy to go through his phone, because even if there would be answers to his behavior, I just don't care anymore. I am just sad. I gave him the engagement ring back, he didn't seem to care.

My cars battery doesn't work atm, so I will have to figure that out. As some of you guessed, I am indeed from Germany, while he is from a neighboring country. I am 7h from my family and about 3h from the border. (By car) So I don't have to fly, luckily. I am sleeping in the guest room, on a couch, for the time being.

My ex fiancé seems very content with that, now he is just on his phone constantly and leaves me be, for the most part. Thank you, for all your input, kind words and dms.

Good luck, OP <3