'AITA For telling my fiancé he doesn’t get to name both of our babies?' UPDATED

"AITA For telling my fiancé he doesn’t get to name both of our babies?"

I’m pregnant with twins and my fiancé and I just found out we’re having a boy and a girl. We started talking about names the other day. He told me that he really wanted to name the boy baby after himself (first and middle). I wasn’t onboard at first but after thinking about it I agreed.

I told him that for the girl baby I wanted her first name to be my sister’s since we’re very close and the middle to be my dads since he passed when I was young. (My dads name isn’t really unisex but it’s becoming a common girl’s name).

My fiancé got visibly sad and told me he wanted to name the girl baby after his mom and have the middle name be his dads name (his dads name IS a unisex name). I told him that I didn’t really think it was fair that he got to name the first baby what he wanted and now wants to name the second baby also what he wants. I also said it wasn’t fair that my family gets excluded.

He said he really wanted to incorporate at least his moms name. I told him that the girl baby’s middle name can be his mom’s but then the boy’s middle name is going to be my dads. He said he wanted the boy baby named completely after him though so the baby is a Junior.

I told him he doesn’t get to name both of the babies what he wants. He got upset about this comment and has been stand offish toward me. I don’t think that was so awful of me to say but now I’m second guessing my comment and wondering if I’m an a$$hole for it.

Edit: I feel I need to clear something up that I’m seeing a lot. Quite a lot of people keep telling me to give the kids original names and not name them after someone else. In my family it’s very normal to recycle names and name new babies after family members. It’s actually considered abnormal if you give your baby an “original” name.

I know this isn’t the norm and it’s weird for others but like I said, it’s normal for us and our family actually loves having recycled names. A few of us love that we have the same names, we don’t find it weird and we enjoy it. Every family is different and our families enjoy sharing names, it’s fine if you don’t agree but that’s just how our family is.

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

Solid_Quote9133 said:

NTA also it is a nightmare paperwise when a kids has the exact same name as there father. My family did this with my brother and it causes so many problems. I highly don't recomend that you do that. Also my brother started to resent his name due to him wanting to be his own unique person and not a copy of dad. I highly recommend not going the junior route.

Kalliannah said:

NTA. The Junior tradition is sexist and selfish.

JudgeJudAITA said:

NTA - He’s being selfish. Both child names should require two yes votes.

ADB_BWG said:

NTA. I presume he thinks they are both getting his last name, too? Why shouldn’t one get YOUR last name? And “he got visibly sad” when he didn’t get his way? It’s time for YOU to start “getting visibly sad” that he can’t respect your feelings.

Here’s a fair solution: you each choose two names. First name choice for one gender results in middle choice for the other. He picks Anne and Brad. You pick Claire and David. You end up with Anne Claire and David Brad OR you end up with Claire Anne and Brad David.

UPDATE:

Okay so, a lot to decompress here. First of all just wanted to say sorry for comments going unanswered, I was trying to keep up with them but there are so many haha. Thank you to everyone who took time out of their day to help me I appreciate it!

Now onto the actual update, my fiancé and I talked about this for a long time and I even showed him this post. He apologized for how he acted, he said he has always wanted children and just got excited over naming the babies.

He said he didn’t mean to come off as selfish and didn’t mean to exclude my family he just got excited but said I was right and that it wasn’t fair of him to sulk about not getting to name both babies. And he knows he doesn’t get to name both, he was just being a moron (his words not mine).

I never wanted to use the “I’m growing them for 9 months and going through labor” card because I felt that was unfair but a lot of people here suggested I bring it up so I did end up pointing that out to him. He said that he knew that and he appreciated me for going through the hard work and obviously I should be able to input my name suggestions.

He also said he hadn’t thought of the repercussions of having a Junior (same first, middle and last name) such as the financial issues or issues with paperwork. So we have decided no junior! Thank you to those who pointed that out to me. (And also thank you to the hilarious few who pointed out I would be calling out my son’s name during sex hahah)

So we have decided the boy baby’s middle name will be my fiancé’s dad’s name and the girl baby’s middle name will be my sister’s name. As for first names we have decided to use a different variation of family member’s names (which again, a few people have suggested thank you)

So for the boy baby he will be named after my fiancé’s mother but it will be a different variation of the name such as Stephanie to Steven or Harriet to Harry. For the girl baby she will be named after my dad but a different variation such as James to Jane or Daniel to Danielle.

This way the babies have a mix of his family’s names and my family’s names so there is no favoritism from our families and I get to keep up the tradition of using family names (just a little different) without the headache of having to deal with the paperwork of having a baby named the same as a family member. Thank you again to everyone that put in your suggestions and gave me advice!