'AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want my Temu engagement ring?' UPDATED 3X

"AITA for telling my fiancé I don’t want my Temu engagement ring?"

My (27F) fiancé (29M) proposed to me a few weeks ago. It caught me completely by surprise, but we’ve been together for 3 years and things have been going great. So I was really excited and said yes!

I really liked the ring when I first saw it and my friends and family all think it is stunning. It’s an oval cut with “diamonds” across the band. I asked where he got it and he wouldn’t tell me where, but that he got a great deal on it. I didn’t think anything of it until yesterday we were in bed and I was asked him if it was diamond or moissanite mainly out of curiosity.

I don’t have a preference btw. He said he didn’t know and would have to look it up. When I glanced over at his phone, he was in the Temu app. I asked him if he got it from there and he didn’t respond. So I asked again and he responded with something like “does it matter?” and left the room and ended up sleeping on the couch.

I spent all night so confused. Today decided to download the app and look up my ring and I found one that looks identical. I found the exact ring and it listed at $38. I am mad. He makes good money (200K/yr) and I feel like he could’ve shelled out some money for a ring better than one on Temu. AITA for telling him I don’t want it?

What do you think? AITA? This is what top commenters had to say:

0eozoe0 said:

Normally, I am very much an advocate of not spending an arm and a leg on engagement rings or wedding rings. I think you can find nice rings without spending thousands of dollars. I also don’t like when women are overly critical about the value of their rings.

But I think you’re NTA here. A $38 engagement ring from Temu? Seriously? There’s no way that ring is going to last you years. There’s a reason it’s so cheap - the crap from Temu is not made to last.

This is not about you being materialistic. Your fiancé is just being cheap. I can appreciate frugality, but there are certain things you should be dishing out more money for. An engagement ring that you will be wearing consistently should be better than Temu quality.

AmITheAHAccount said:

NTA bc that thing might turn your finger green. He’s lucky you don’t have a sensitivity to fake metals like some do. He makes good money but bought a $38 ring. Is he cheap with other things where this discount shopping isn’t a new thing for him and he’s just an all around penny pincher? My first thought was, did he not spend the money bc he doesn’t want/expect this to last?

OP responded:

Yeah let me provide some more context: Really he’s never been overly frugal, I’m probably more frugal than he is. Neither of us are huge spenders but we each make enough to not have to strictly budget or anything. We have our own accounts and split rent equally.

I know he has at least 100k across his savings/investment accounts. We go out for drinks a few times a week and will go to concerts together and whatnot frequently. We travel a few times a year and stay in basic accommodations. Ugh. Like our DoorDash the other night was $40. My ring costs less than Doordashing dinner

sluttychristmastree said:

NTA. I used to work in a jewelry store where we (obviously) sold jewelry, but also did a lot of cleanings and repairs. Let me tell you: it isn't just about the money. It's about longevity. I once had a woman come in with her 60 year old diamond ring. She had never had work done on it because she didn't know that you could repair jewelry.

It was in relatively good shape, but old and worn. We refurbished it and she SOBBED. She couldn't believe it looked like the day her (now deceased) husband had given it to her. You will never get that with a fake ring. And reputable jewelry stores (at least in my region anyway) sell bridal jewelry with a lifetime warranty, so normal wear and tear, and things like resizing, should be free.

And scrunchie_one said:

Exactly - jewelry made of cheap metals is going to look cheap. It's not meant to be worn daily, or last years, it will look grubby by the end of the year if it even makes it that long. Maybe it will be symbolic of how long their love will last if this is how little he thinks of her.

In the comments, OP wrote:

The responses to this have made me even more confused. People saying it could be a loyalty test, that he doesn’t want me to be able to sell it if we divorce, or that he doesn’t plan to be with me for long. I have a pit in my stomach. I haven’t considered breaking things off but that was before I wrote this here.

I was thinking maybe he was just not thinking or rushed getting the ring, or maybe he genuinely thought he was getting a great deal on a high quality ring. I’m not sure at this point. I plan to confront him when he gets back from work in a couple hours. 🫠

Six hours after her original post, she posted this first update:

After reading responses from my first post, I was freaking out a bit. He came home while I was FaceTiming a friend about this. I hung up with her and then talked to him for an hour or so. He apologized for sleeping on the couch and that he needed time to think. He doesn’t see eye to eye with me on my concerns about the ring and says he did research and that it was highly rated.

He says if the ring breaks he will replace it (but didn’t say it’d be higher quality). I have people messaging me that the ring could be harmful to my health and that Temu has horrible standards for their jewelry and labor issues so now I really don’t want to wear it. He left and went to his brother’s house. Usually I’d go with him but things are just tense. AITA for telling him I still don’t want it?

Commenter:

Kind of tough, because had you not found out it was from Temu, would you be upset?

OP:

Tbh. If I hadn’t found out it was from Temu I probably wouldn’t be upset. But when it inevitably breaks or tarnishes the truth would come out. Now that I know it has completely changed how I feel about the ring even if it aesthetically doesn’t look to bad.

Commenter 2:

Did this come as a shock or is he normally cheap and thoughtless?

OP:

He’s not normally cheap or thoughtless. He’s genuinely a great guy which is making this harder to navigate. he started making me feel really guilty and materialistic today when we talked about this and I can see his point of view but I’m just confused. It feels like Temu is the bottom of the barrel.

I’d be happy with a cheap decent quality ring from Etsy or anywhere else. I don’t really care about the price itself it’s more about the quality and feeling like he doesn’t really value me the way I thought he did.

Mini update, four hours later:

I’m literally just sitting here refreshing your comments trying to figure out what to do next. He texted to let me know he plans at staying at his brother’s for the weekend and is taking Friday off. It’s not crazy abnormal since he’s been watching football over there, but I feel like he’s avoiding me now.

I’m trying not to be pushy about the situation and I’ll give him some space but ugh. now I’m just in my head about all of it and regretting my initial reaction. It’s just a dumb ring and maybe I’ve read into it too much. The only other time we’ve had an argument like this it was resolved within a couple hours so I’m not used to this behavior from him

Third update, the following day:

He came home this morning while I was in a WFH meeting. These comments made my head spin all night. I got like 3 hours of sleep so I admit I may be in the wrong for bringing up his finances but I did. Re: the gold digger rumors, when we met I was making more than him and often paying for his things, his high paying job is a recent development. I have my own money and don’t need his.

I asked him what was going on, if there was anything he needed to tell me, if he was “testing me” by doing this… Well that really set him off. “What kind of person do you think I am? You think I’m a cheapskate? A liar? You obviously think really poorly of me”… but STILL he never gave me a reason. So I asked why he was deflecting every question to victimize himself and to avoid my questions. He tried to leave AGAIN.

So I tried deescalating and told him I see where he’s coming from but I need to know if he still loves me. He was immediately apologetic and still wants to get married. He said I can just pick my ring out and buy it with my own money. He said he’s sick of talking about this and it’s “water under the bridge” now.

He’s acting like his normal self again since this convo. I hear him out there skipping around and humming to himself all happily and it’s actually pissing me off. Maybe I’m being dramatic, but I don’t think I can handle a marriage with someone like this.