'My fiancé thinks that I don't know about him cheating on me.' AITA? UPDATED
"My fiancé thinks that I don't know about him cheating on me. My background and credit check just went through and I'm moving into my new apartment in two weeks."
This happened 7 months ago. I work a not high paying but decent job and picked up a second job. He thinks I'm working for extra money to buy a new car. He left his email logged in on my laptop.
I saw an ongoing conversation where a woman was sending him naked pictures talking about hooking up again, he agreed and made a date to pick her up a week from when she sent that email! I opened it because the subject was NSA (No Strings Attached) the kicker? He found her on CL.
Privately, I got tested, no STD's. I stopped having sex with him about one month after I found the emails. Once I got the second job, I used being too tired as an excuse so he wouldn't think I found out.
But we used condoms cause I told him I stopped taking birth control. So I'm clean. Now I have more than enough money saved up to move out! It's been so hard holding back tears and looking him in the eye but over the last few months I have fell completely out of love with him.
I put in my two weeks notice at my second job, I have suitcases in my trunk. Once the day comes and he's at work I am packing all my belongings and leaving my ring on the dresser.
I deactivated fb last month but I blocked him before I did, im gonna block his phone number & Instagram account as well. I have spent months putting this plan together. I can't wait to leave him confused and thrown off.
Signed-
The sad but soon to be single girl!!!!!!!
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
Don't look back.
edit: Please make an update post a week after you move out.
thesadgf (OP)
Will do!!! I'm sure everything will work out once I move. I can't wait to blindside him.
It's pretty awesome than instead of being devastating and letting that keep you down you immediately started a plan.
thesadgf (OP)
I had too. He's my first love. I'm 24 he's 26. First serious relationship ship as well. On top of that I've never lived alone so I'm very scared.
Five days later, the OP returned with an update.
I got an early move in and I just dropped the UHaul back off. I waited until my my now ex fiancée went to work. I had my clothes packed the night before. I just needed to move most of my stuff.
Even though we purchased our couch together I'm gonna let him keep it. I know he was very thrown off and confused when he got home. He had everyone calling me including both my mom and his mom asking if everything was okay.
He was about to call the cops. I told both my mom and his mom that I moved out because of personal issues. They both said okay. I told his mom we are over. No breaks here. I got a swarmmmmm of emails. Here's a few copied ones just to summarize his confused sad angry reaction.
"What's going on???" "Are you okay???" (Insert name)....please answer me? "You gave me heart attack I thought you were dead" "You're not gonna answer my calls? You blocked me?"
Since he wouldn't leave me alone, I sent one reply to him that's that "NSA."
He finally left me alone then bombarded my emails once again saying "you were snooping through my email? Can we just talk in person? I wanna make this work. It was a dumb mistake."
Of course I had to fight myself not to curse him out. But after about an hour, he left me alone. Next week, once I get everything settled ,I'm gonna show my parents the new place.
My head and heart feels so much lighter. I'm really happy, I'm reading more, mediating. I thought that I would be forever broken, not good enough for anyone else, but I was wrong. Sometimes you need to get hurt really bad before you realize you gotta get out for good.
This was my breaking point & im thankful that he did me the favor of showing me who he really is. Thank god I dodged this bullet. Thanks for the well wishes once again.
Here is what readers had to say in response to the OP’s post:
I hope she wasn't shocked when he told everyone she was cheating on him and left for someone else. I never understand why anyone wouldn't tell at least their own friends and family what the cheater did. But, to each their own, I guess.
I’m turning into an unskippable cutscene in therapy. Were I in OP's place, every flying monkey he sent my way would get full copies of the cheating emails sent their way. If he doesn't want Grandma to know his business, he shouldn't have involved her in ours.
Dude, my ex told all my friends I cheated on him after we broke up. It was pretty weird hearing that from them even though they didn't believe it. Apparently I was a coke head too all of a sudden when I don't even smoke weed like he did. I kinda worry I'll run into an acquaintance from back then and they will think I'm some come head cheater.
I wish I was shocked that he immediately deflected to snooping instead of you know his cheating getting them into this situation.
I feel like OP’s original plan was good, but then she took it a little too far and made herself look crazy. Not telling her family (or anyone else) what was going on was stupid. Same with continuing to have sex with him to “keep the charade going.” By the end of the final update, I found myself thinking, “that was freaking weird and an unnecessary waste of time.”