Pregnant woman considers breakup as fiancé pushes for risky business funding by selling house. AITA?
"AITA for considering ending my engagement because my fiancé wants to sell our house to fund his new business while I’m pregnant and the sole breadwinner?"
ExistingWay9008
I 29F am engaged to Adam 27M. We have been together for 4 years and when we met, we held the same job title at different companies. We earned about the same, and then a few months into our relationship, Adam started a business. The business took off, and Adam went part time, and I worked nights to help the business. After COVID, demand fell and a few bad decisions later Adam was in debt.
Adam had to sell the business to cover himself and he got a loan from his parents. In this time, I paid our bills for a few months and we had cutbacks, and at one point it was bad enough that we might have had to move in with his brother.
At the height of the business he earned more than me and we were able to get a good mortgage for a house we wouldn’t be able to afford if we had just kept our jobs. Adam got his old job back and a slight raise after selling the business.
I have been promoted and then at the start of the year got a massive pay raise into a management position at my company. It was down to luck, my boss was leaving and she recommended me for the role, although it would have taken me a few more years to get this position anywhere else.
I found out I was pregnant, and since telling him, everything has changed. We have discussed kids in the past and that I would be a SAHM but right now I earn nearly 2.5x more so it doesn’t make sense for me to quit. Adam said he thought before us having a baby, he would have wanted his business to take off.
We had a fight, as this is the absolute worst time to start a business, it hasn’t been a month since he’s paid off his parents, but he showed me his new business plans that will be funded by selling our house and downsizing. This time he insists it will take off and he’s learnt from old mistakes and it’s a solid plan imo, and I would have supported him if I wasn’t pregnant.
We have no savings for the baby and no backup plan if the business fails and will have to sell our house, and Adam would need to earn my salary for us to ever be able to afford our now mortgage rate. I don’t want to sell but Adam says we wouldn’t have even able to get the house in the first place without him.
I can’t believe Adam is being selfish and wants to quit his old job and start a business right now. I hate my new job, which Adam knows as management is very different and I want my old job back.
But for the baby I am keeping my job and making a sacrifice and Adam just needs to keep his job and maybe revisit the business idea in the future. I just don’t know what to do and I haven’t told anyone else about the baby.
Here were the top rated comments from readers in response to the OP's post:
massachusettsmama
NTA. First off, with interest rates & home prices so high, you probably would not be saving much by “downsizing”. Secondly, there is a baby on the way. He needs to work & save money to start his venture in the future, not endanger your financial security. I hate to say it, but it may be time to downsize your relationship. Adam sounds like a selfish tool. Good luck!
rak1882
To me, starting a business falls into 2 categories- you do it when you have no obligations and can live on a shoestring so if the business is your only income you can make it work and if it fails it only impacts you OR you do it while working a full-time job because you need the income to support your life.
Fiancé can't afford to start a business right now and not also work a traditional job. For a variety of reasons including what happens if OP has to go on bed rest and can't work. Or if the worst happens and something happens to OP. They have no emergency fund, no coverage for the what ifs.
And that's before we get to the problems associated with looking at your home as an asset that you can use for things like helping fund your business. If fiancé was arguing about decreasing monthly costs as they were having a baby and are going to have childcare costs, maybe. But that doesn't sound like the situation.
Scorp128
If his business plan is so solid, why can't he take out a small business loan? One that is not tied to the home in any way? He sounds a bit reckless when it comes to making financial decisions.
He is not thinking of the big picture. The time to dream was BEFORE kids, for reasons it did not happen. Now with a child on the way, now is NOT the time to start a new business. He should wait until they are in a better financial position.
Sereeene11
No, you're not TA. This is a huge financial decision that your fiancé wants to make while you're pregnant and the sole breadwinner. His past business venture failed, and he wants to risk your home and financial stability again.
It's understandable for you to be upset and concerned. It's important to communicate your worries and come up with a plan that works for both of you, prioritizing your family's financial security.
AtlasElPerro
LMAO
"We have no savings for the baby and no backup plan if the business fails and will have to sell our house"
Say this out loud three times and listen to yourself.
"I don’t want to sell but Adam says we wouldn’t have even able to get the house in the first place without him"
You supported him while he got the bussiness off the ground and into the ground again and he has the balls to act like he is the only one providing. He seems like a tool to be honest, i would leave. NTA.